Beelzebub’s Tales To His Grandson

G.I. Gurdjieff

ALL AND EVERYTHING Ten Books in Three Series




Three books under the title of “An Objectively Impartial Criticism of the Life of Man,” or, “Beelzebub’s tales to his grandson.”




Three books under the common title of “Meetings with Remarkable Men.”




Four books under the common title of “Life is Real Only Then, When ‘I Am.’”

All written according to entirely new principles of logical reasoning and strictly directed towards the solution of the following three cardinal problems:

FIRST SERIES: To destroy, mercilessly, without any compromises whatsoever, in the mentation and feelings of the reader, the beliefs and views, by centuries rooted in him, about everything existing in the world.

SECOND SERIES: To acquaint the reader with the material required for a new creation and to prove the soundness and good quality of it.

THIRD SERIES: To assist the arising, in the mentation and in the feelings of the reader, of a veritable, nonfantastic representation not of that illusory world which he now perceives, but of the world existing in reality.





































30. ART 449





34. RUSSIA 591



37. FRANCE 663

38. RELIGION 694
















Friendly Advice


[Written impromptu by the author on delivering this book, already prepared for publication, to the printer.]

ACCORDING TO the numerous deductions and conclusions made by me during experimental elucidations concerning the productivity of the perception by contemporary people of new impressions from what is heard and read, and also according to the thought of one of the sayings of popular wisdom I have just remembered, handed down to our days from very ancient times, which declares:

“Any prayer may be heard by the Higher Powers and a corresponding answer obtained only if it is uttered thrice:

Firstly—for the welfare or the peace of the souls of one’s parents.

Secondly—for the welfare of one’s neighbor. And only thirdly—for oneself personally.”

I find it necessary on the first page of this book, quite ready for publication, to give the following advice:

“Read each of my written expositions thrice:

Firstly—at least as you have already become mechanized to read all your contemporary books and newspapers.

Secondly—as if you were reading aloud to another person.

And only thirdly—try and fathom the gist of my writings.”

Only then will you be able to count upon forming your own impartial judgment, proper to yourself alone, on my writings. And only then can my hope be actualized that according to your understanding you will obtain the specific benefit for yourself which I anticipate, and which I wish for you with all my being.



CHAPTER 1!The Arousing of Thought

Among other convictions formed in my common presence during my responsible, peculiarly composed life, there is one such also—an indubitable conviction— that always and everywhere on the earth, among people

of every degree of development of understanding and of every form of manifestation of the factors which engender in their individuality all kinds of ideals, there is acquired the tendency, when beginning anything new, unfailingly to pronounce aloud or, if not aloud, at least mentally, that definite utterance understandable to every even quite illiterate person, which in different epochs has been formulated variously and in our day is formulated in the following words:“In the name of the Father and of the Son and in the name of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

That is why I now, also, setting forth on this venture quite new for me, namely, authorship, begin by pronouncing this utterance and moreover pronounce it not only aloud, but even very distinctly and with a full, as the ancient Toulousites defined it,“whollymanifested intonation”— of course with that fullness which can arise in my entirety only from data already formed and thoroughly rooted in me for such a manifestation; data which are in general formed in the nature of man, by the way, during his preparatory age, and later, during his responsible life engender in him the ability for the manifestation of the nature and vivifyingness of such an intonation.

Having thus begun, I can now be quite at ease, and should even, according to the notions of religious morality existing among contemporary people, be beyond all doubt assured that everything further in this new venture of mine will now proceed, as is said,“like a pianola.”


In any case I have begun just thus, and as to how the rest will go I can only say meanwhile, as the blind man once expressed it, “we shall see.”

First and foremost, I shall place my own hand, moreover the right one, which—although at the moment it is slightly injured owing to the misfortune which recently befell me—is nevertheless really my own, and has never once failed me in all my life, on my heart, of course also my own—but on the inconstancy or constancy of this part of all my whole I do not find it necessary here to expatiate—and frankly confess that I myself have personally not the slightest wish to write, but attendant circumstances, quite independent of me, constrain me to do so—and whether these circumstances arose accidentally or were created intentionally by extraneous forces, I myself do not yet know. I know only that these circumstances bid me write not just anything “so-so,” as, for instance, something of the kind for reading oneself to sleep, but weighty and bulky tomes.

However that may be, I begin . . .

But begin with what?

Oh, the devil! Will there indeed be repeated that same exceedingly unpleasant and highly strange sensation which it befell me to experience when about three weeks ago I was composing in my thoughts the scheme and sequence of the ideas destined by me for publication and

did not know then how to begin either?

This sensation then experienced I might now formulate in words only thus: “the-fear-of-drowning-in-the-overflow of-my-ownthoughts.”

To stop this undesirable sensation I might then still have had recourse to the aid of that maleficent property existing also in me, as in contemporary man, which has become inherent in all of us, and which enables us, without


experiencing any remorse of conscience whatever, to put off anything we wish to do “till tomorrow.”

I could then have done this very easily because before beginning the actual writing, it was assumed that there was still lots of time; but this can now no longer be done, and I must, without fail, as is said,“even though I burst,” begin.

But with what indeed begin . . . ? Hurrah! . . . Eureka!

Almost all the books I have happened to read in my life have begun with a preface.

So in this case I also must begin with something of the kind.

I say “of the kind,” because in general in the process of

my life, from the moment I began to distinguish a boy from a girl, I have always done everything, absolutely everything, not as it is done by other, like myself, biped destroyers of Nature’s good. Therefore, in writing now I ought, and perhaps am even on principle already obliged, to begin not as any other writer would.

In any case, instead of the conventional preface I shall begin quite simply with a Warning.

Beginning with a Warning will be very judicious of me, if only because it will not contradict any of my principles, either organic, psychic, or even “willful,” and will at the same time be quite honest—of course, honest in the objective sense, because both I myself and all others who know me well, expect with indubitable certainty that owing to my writings there will entirely disappear in the majority of readers, immediately and not gradually, as must sooner or later, with time, occur to all people, all the “wealth” they have, which was either handed down to them by inheritance or obtained by their own labor, in the form of quieting notions evoking only naive dreams,


and also beautiful representations of their lives at present as well as of their prospects in the future.

Professional writers usually begin such introductions with an address to the reader, full of all kinds of bombastically magniloquent and so to say “honeyed” and “inflated” phrases.

Just in this alone I shall follow their example and also begin with such an address, but I shall try not to make it very “sugary” as they usually do, owing particularly to their evil wiseacring by which they titillate the sensibilities of the more or less normal reader.

Thus ...

My dear, highly honored, strong-willed and of course very patient Sirs, and my much-esteemed, charming, and impartial Ladies—forgive me, I have omitted the most important—and my in no wise hysterical Ladies!

I have the honor to inform you that although owing to circumstances that have arisen at one of the last stages of the process of my life, I am now about to write books, yet during the whole of my life I have never written not only not books or various what are called“instructivearticles,”but also not even a letter in which it has been unfailingly necessary to observe what is called “grammaticality,”and in consequence,although I am now about to become a professional writer, yet having had no practice at all either in respect of all the established professional rules and procedures or in respect of what is called the “bon ton literary language,”I am constrained to write not at all as ordinary“patentedwriters”do,to the form of whose writing you have in all probability become as much accustomed as to your own smell.

In my opinion the trouble with you, in the present

instance, is perhaps chiefly due to the fact that while still in childhood, there was implanted in you and has now become ideally well harmonized with your general psyche, an excellently working automatism for perceiving all kinds


of new impressions, thanks to which “blessing” you have now, during your responsible life, no need of making any individual effort whatsoever.

Speaking frankly, I inwardly personally discern the center of my confession not in my lack of knowledge of all the rules and procedures of writers, but in my nonpossession of what I have called the “bon ton literary language,” infallibly required in contemporary life not only from writers but also from every ordinary mortal.

As regards the former, that is to say, my lack of knowledge of the different rules and procedures of writers, I am not greatly disturbed.

And I am not greatly disturbed on this account, because such “ignorance” has already now become in the life of people also in the order of things. Such a blessing arose and now flourishes everywhere on Earth thanks to that extraordinary new disease of which for the last twenty to thirty years, for some reason or other, especially the majority of those persons from among all the three sexes fall ill, who sleep with half-open eyes and whose faces are in every respect fertile soil for the growth of every

kind of pimple.

This strange disease is manifested by this, that if the invalid is somewhat literate and his rent is paid for three months in advance, he (she or it) unfailingly begins to write either some “instructive article” or a whole book.

Well knowing about this new human disease and its epidemical spread on Earth, I, as you should understand, have the right to assume that you have acquired, as the learned “medicos” would say, “immunity” to it, and that you will therefore not be palpably indignant at my ignorance of the rules and procedures of writers.

This understanding of mine bids me inwardly to make the center of gravity of my warning my ignorance of the literary language.

In self-justification, and also perhaps to diminish the THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 8

degree of the censure in your waking consciousness of my ignorance of this language indispensable for contemporary life, I consider it necessary to say, with a humble heart and cheeks flushed with shame, that although I too was taught this language in my childhood, and even though certain of my elders who prepared me for responsible life,constantly forced me“without sparing or economizing” any intimidatory means to “learn by rote” the host of various“nuances”which in their totality compose this contemporary “delight,” yet, unfortunately

of course for you, of all that I then learned by rote, nothing stuck and nothing whatsoever has survived for my present activities as a writer.

And nothing stuck, as it was quite recently made clear to me, not through any fault of mine, nor through the fault of my former respected and nonrespected teachers, but this human labor was spent in vain owing to one unexpected and quite exceptional event which occurred at the moment of my appearance on God’s Earth, and which was—as a certain occultist well known in Europe explained to me after a very minute what is called “psychophysico-astrological” investigation—that at that moment, through the hole made in the windowpane by our crazy lame goat, there poured the vibrations of sound which arose in the neighbor’s house from an Edison phonograph, and the midwife had in her mouth a lozenge saturated with cocaine of German make, and moreover not “Ersatz,” and was sucking this lozenge to these sounds without the proper enjoyment.

Besides from this event, rare in the everyday life of people, my present position also arose because later on in my preparatory and adult life—as, I must confess, I myself guessed after long reflections according to the method of the German professor, Herr Stumpsinschmausen—I always avoided instinctively as well as automatically


and at times even consciously, that is, on principle, employing this language for intercourse with others. And from such a trifle, and perhaps not a trifle, I manifested thus again thanks to three data which were formed in my entirety during my preparatory age, about which data I intend to inform you a little later in this same first chapter of my writings.

However that may have been, yet the real fact, illuminated from every side like an American advertisement, and which fact cannot now be changed by any forces even with the knowledge of the experts in “monkey business,” is that although I, who have lately been considered by very many people as a rather good teacher of temple dances, have now become today a professional writer and will of course write a great deal— as it has been proper to me since childhood whenever “I do anything to do a great deal of it”—nevertheless, not having, as you see, the automatically acquired and automatically manifested practice necessary for this, I shall be constrained to write all I have thought out in ordinary simple everyday language established by life, without any literary manipulations and without any “grammarian wiseacrings.”

But the pot is not yet full! . . . For I have not yet decided the most important question of all—in which language to write.

Although I have begun to write in Russian, nevertheless,

as the wisest of the wise, Mullah Nassr Eddin, would say, in that language you cannot go far.

(Mullah Nassr Eddin, or as he is also called, Hodja Nassr Eddin, is, it seems, little known in Europe and America, but he is very well known in all countries of the continent of Asia; this legendary personage corresponds to the American Uncle Sam or the German Till Eulenspiegel. Numerous tales popular in the East, akin to the wise sayings, some of long standing and others newly


arisen, were ascribed and are still ascribed to this Nassr Eddin.)

The Russian language, it cannot be denied, is very good. I even like it, but . . . only for swapping anecdotes and for use in referring to someone’s parentage.

The Russian language is like the English, which language is also very good, but only for discussing in “smoking rooms,” while sitting on an easy chair with legs outstretched on another, the topic of Australian frozen meat or, sometimes, the Indian question.

Both these languages are like the dish which is called in Moscow “Solianka,” and into which everything goes except you and me, in fact everything you wish, and even the “after-dinner Cheshma”* of Sheherazade.

It must also be said that owing to all kinds of accidentally and perhaps not accidentally formed conditions of my

youth, I have had to learn, and moreover very seriously and of course always with self-compulsion, to speak, read, and write a great many languages, and to such a degree of fluency, that if, in following this profession unexpectedly forced on me by Fate, I decided not to take advantage of the “automatism” which is acquired by practice, then I could perhaps write in any one of them.

But if I set out to use judiciously this automatically acquired automatism which has become easy from long practice, then I should have to write either in Russian or in Armenian, because the circumstances of my life during the last two or three decades have been such that I have had for intercourse with others to use, and consequently to have more practice in, just these two languages and to acquire an automatism in respect to them.

O the dickens! . . . Even in such a case, one of the aspects of my peculiar psyche, unusual for the normal

* Cheshma means veil.


man, has now already begun to torment the whole of me.

And the chief reason for this unhappiness of mine in my almost already mellow age, results from the fact that since childhood there was implanted in my peculiar psyche, together with numerous other rubbish also unnecessary for contemporary life, such an inherency as always and in everything automatically enjoins the whole of me to act only according to popular wisdom.

In the present case, as always in similar as yet indefinite life cases, there immediately comes to my brain—which is for me, constructed unsuccessfully to the point of mockery—and is now as is said,“running through”it that saying of popular wisdom which existed in the life of people of very ancient times, and which has been handed down to our day formulated in the following words: “every stick always has two ends.”

In trying first to understand the basic thought and real significance hidden in this strange verbal formulation, there must, in my opinion, first of all arise in the consciousness of every more or less sane-thinking man the supposition that, in the totality of ideas on which is based and from which must flow a sensible notion of this saying, lies the truth, cognized by people for centuries, which affirms that every cause occurring in the life of man, from whatever phenomenon it arises, as one of two opposite effects of other causes, is in its turn obligatorily molded also into two quite opposite effects,as for instance:if“something”obtained from two different causes engenders light, then it must inevitably engender a phenomenon opposite to it, that is to say, darkness; or a factor engendering in the organism of a living creature an impulse of palpable satisfaction also engenders without fail nonsatisfaction, of course also palpable, and so on and so forth, always and in everything.

Adopting in the same given instance this popular wisdom THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 12

formed by centuries and expressed by a stick, which, as was said, indeed has two ends, one end of which is considered good and the other bad, then if I use the aforesaid automatism which was acquired in me thanks only to long practice, it will be for me personally of course very good,but according to this saying,there must result for the reader just the opposite; and what the opposite of good is, even every nonpossessor of hemorrhoids must very easily understand.

Briefly, if I exercise my privilege and take the good end of the stick,then the bad end must inevitably fall“on the reader’s head.”

This may indeed happen, because in Russian the so to say “niceties”of philosophical questions cannot be expressed,which questions I intend to touch upon in my writings also rather fully, whereas in Armenian, although this is possible, yet to the misfortune of all contemporary Armenians, the employment of this language for contemporary notions has now already become quite impracticable.

In order to alleviate the bitterness of my inner hurt owing to this, I must say that in my early youth, when I became interested in and was greatly taken up with philological questions, I preferred the Armenian language to all others I then spoke, even to my native language.

This language was then my favorite chiefly because it was original and had nothing in common with the

neighboring or kindred languages.

As the learned “philologists” say, all of its tonalities were peculiar to it alone, and according to my understanding even then, it corresponded perfectly to the psyche of the people composing that nation.

But the change I have witnessed in that language during the last thirty or forty years has been such, that instead of an original independent language coming to us from the remote past, there has resulted and now exists one,


which though also original and independent, yet represents, as might be said, a “kind of clownish potpourri of languages,” the totality of the consonances of which, falling on the ear of a more or less conscious and understanding listener, sounds just like the “tones” of Turkish, Persian, French, Kurd, and Russian words and still other“indigestible”and inarticulate noises.

Almost the same might be said about my native language, Greek,which I spoke in childhood and,as might be said,the“taste of the automatic associative power of which” I still retain. I could now, I dare say, express anything I wish in it, but to employ it for writing is for me impossible, for the simple and rather comical reason that someone must transcribe my writings and translate them into the other languages. And who can do this?

It could assuredly be said that even the best expert of

modern Greek would understand simply nothing of what I should write in the native language I assimilated in childhood, because, my dear “compatriots,” as they might be called, being also inflamed with the wish at all costs to be like the representatives of contemporary civilization also in their conversation,have during these thirty or forty years treated my dear native language just as the Armenians,anxious to become Russian intelligentsia,have treated theirs.

That Greek language, the spirit and essence of which were transmitted to me by heredity, and the language now spoken by contemporary Greeks, are as much alike as, according to the expression of Mullah Nassr Eddin,“a nail is like a requiem.”

What is now to be done?

Ah . . . me! Never mind, esteemed buyer of my wiseacrings. If only there be plenty of French armagnac and “Khaizarian bastourma,” I shall find a way out of even this difficult situation.


I am an old hand at this.

In life, I have so often got into difficult situations and out of them, that this has become almost a matter of habit for me.

Meanwhile in the present case, I shall write partly in Russian and partly in Armenian, the more readily because

among those people always “hanging around” me there are several who “cerebrate” more or less easily in both these languages, and I meanwhile entertain the hope that they will be able to transcribe and translate from these languages fairly well for me.

In any case I again repeat—in order that you should well remember it, but not as you are in the habit of remembering other things and on the basis of which are accustomed to keeping your word of honor to others or to yourself—that no matter what language I shall use, always and in everything, I shall avoid what I have called the“bon ton literary language.”

In this respect, the extraordinarily curious fact and one even in the highest degree worthy of your love of knowledge, perhaps even higher than your usual conception, is that from my earliest childhood, that is to say, since the birth in me of the need to destroy birds’ nests, and to tease my friends’ sisters, there arose in my, as the ancient theosophists called it, “planetary body,” and moreover, why I don’t know, chiefly in the “right half,” an instinctively involuntary sensation, which right up to that period of my life when I became a teacher of dancing, was gradually formed into a definite feeling, and then, when thanks to this profession of mine I came in contact with many people of different“types,” there began to arise in me also the conviction with what is called my“mind,”that these languages are compiled by people,or rather “grammarians,” who are in respect of knowledge

of the given language exactly similar to those biped animals whom


the esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin characterizes by the words: “All they can do is to wrangle with pigs about the quality of oranges.”

This kind of people among us who have been turned into, so to say,“moths” destroying the good prepared and left for us by our ancestors and by time, have not the slightest notion and have probably never even heard of the screamingly obvious fact that, during the preparatory age, there is acquired in the brain functioning of every creature, and of man also, a particular and definite property, the automatic actualization and manifestation of which the ancient Korkolans called the “law of association,” and that the process of the mentation of every creature, especially man, flows exclusively in accordance with this law.

In view of the fact that I have happened here accidentally to touch upon a question which has lately become one of my so to speak“hobbies,”namely,the process of human mentation,I consider it possible, without waiting for the corresponding place predetermined by me for the elucidation of this question, to state already now in this first chapter at least something concerning that axiom which has accidentally become known to me, that on Earth in the past it has been usual in every century that

every man, in whom there arises the boldness to attain the right to be considered by others and to consider himself a “conscious thinker,” should be informed while still in the early years of his responsible existence that man has in general two kinds of mentation: one kind, mentation by thought, in which words, always possessing a relative sense, are employed; and the other kind, which is proper to all animals as well as to man, which I would call “mentation by form.”

The second kind of mentation, that is,“mentation by form,” by which, strictly speaking, the exact sense of all


writing must be also perceived, and after conscious confrontation with information already possessed, be assimilated, is formed in people in dependence upon the conditions of geographical locality, climate, time, and, in general, upon the whole environment in which the arising of the given man has proceeded and in which his existence has flowed up to manhood.

Accordingly, in the brains of people of different races and conditions dwelling in different geographical localities, there are formed about one and the same thing or even idea, a number of quite independent forms, which during functioning, that is to say, association, evoke in their being some sensation or other which subjectively conditions a definite picturing, and which picturing is expressed by this, that, or the other word, that serves only

for its outer subjective expression.

That is why each word, for the same thing or idea, almost always acquires for people of different geographical locality and race a very definite and entirely different so to say “inner content.”

In other words, if in the entirety of any man who has arisen and been formed in any locality, from the results of the specific local influences and impressions a certain“form”has been composed, and this form evokes in him by association the sensation of a definite“inner content,”and consequently of a definite picturing or notion for the expression of which he employs one or another word which has eventually become habitual, and as I have said, subjective to him, then the hearer of that word, in whose being, owing to different conditions of his arising and growth, there has been formed concerning the given word a form of a different“inner content,” will always perceive and of course infallibly understand that same word in quite another sense.

This fact, by the way, can with attentive and impartial THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 17

observation be very clearly established when one is present at an exchange of opinions between persons belonging to two different races or who arose and were formed in different geographical localities.

And so, cheerful and swaggering candidate for a buyer of

my wiseacrings, having warned you that I am going to write not as “professional writers” usually write but quite otherwise, I advise you, before embarking on the reading of my further expositions, to reflect seriously and only then to undertake it.If not,I am afraid for your hearing and other perceptive and also digestive organs which may be already so thoroughly automatized to the “literary language of the intelligentsia”existing in the present period of time on Earth,that the reading of these writings of mine might affect you very,very cacophonously,and from this you might lose your . . . you know what? . . . your appetite for your favorite dish and for your psychic specificness which particularly titillates your “inside”and which proceeds in you on seeing your neighbor,the brunette.

For such a possibility, ensuing from my language, or rather, strictly speaking, from the form of my mentation, I am, thanks to oft-repeated past experiences, already quite as convinced with my whole being as a“thoroughbred donkey”is convinced of the right and justice of his obstinacy.

Now that I have warned you of what is most important, I am already tranquil about everything further. Even if any misunderstanding should arise on account of my writings, you alone will be entirely to blame, and my conscience will be as clear as for instance . . . the exKaiser Wilhelm’s.

In all probability you are now thinking that I am, of course, a young man with an auspicious exterior and, as some express it, a “suspicious interior,” and that, as a


novice in writing, I am evidently intentionally being eccentric in the hope of becoming famous and thereby rich.

If you indeed think so, then you are very, very mistaken.

First of all, I am not young; I have already lived so much that I have been in my life, as it is said,“not only through the mill but through all the grindstones”; and secondly, I am in general not writing so as to make a career for myself, or so as to plant myself, as is said,“firmfootedly,” thanks to this profession, which, I must add, in my opinion provides many openings to become a candidate d-i-r-e-c-t for “Hell”—assuming of course that such people can in general by their Being, perfect themselves even to that extent, for the reason that knowing nothing whatsoever themselves, they write all kinds of “claptrap” and thereby automatically acquiring authority, they become almost one of the chief factors, the totality of which steadily continues year by year, still further to diminish the, without this, already extremely diminished psyche of people.

And as regards my personal career, then thanks to all forces high and low and, if you like, even right and left, I have actualized it long ago, and have already long been

standing on “firm feet” and even maybe on very good feet, and I moreover am certain that their strength is sufficient for many more years, in spite of all my past, present, and future enemies.

Yes, I think you might as well be told also about an idea which has only just arisen in my madcap brain, and namely, specially to request the printer, to whom I shall give my first book, to print this first chapter of my writings in such a way that anybody may read it before cutting the pages of the book itself, whereupon, on learning that it is not written in the usual manner, that is to say, for helping to produce in one’s mentation, very smoothly and easily, exciting images and lulling reveries, he may, if he wishes,


without wasting words with the bookseller, return it and get his money back, money perhaps earned by the sweat of his own brow.

I shall do this without fail, moreover, because I just now again remember the story of what happened to a Transcaucasian Kurd, which story I heard in my quite early youth and which in subsequent years, whenever I recalled it in corresponding cases, engendered in me an enduring and inextinguishable impulse of tenderness. I think it will be very useful for me, and also for you, if I relate this story to you somewhat in detail.

It will be useful chiefly because I have decided already to

make the“salt,”or as contemporary pureblooded Jewish businessmen would say, the “Tzimus” of this story, one of the basic principles of that new literary form which I intend to employ for the attainment of the aim I am now pursuing by means of this new profession of mine.

This Transcaucasian Kurd once set out from his village on some business or other to town, and there in the market he saw in a fruiterer’s shop a handsomely arranged display of all kinds of fruit.

In this display,he noticed one“fruit,”very beautiful in both color and form, and its appearance so took his fancy and he so longed to try it, that in spite of his having scarcely any money, he decided to buy without fail at least one of these gifts of Great Nature, and taste it.

Then, with intense eagerness, and with a courage not customary to him, he entered the shop and pointing with his horny finger to the “fruit” which had taken his fancy he asked the shopkeeper its price.The shopkeeper replied that a pound of the“fruit” would cost two cents.

Finding that the price was not at all high for what in his opinion was such a beautiful fruit, our Kurd decided to buy a whole pound.


Having finished his business in town, he set off again on foot for home the same day.

Walking at sunset over the hills and dales, and willynilly

perceiving the exterior visibility of those enchanting parts of the bosom of Great Nature, the Common Mother, and involuntarily inhaling a pure air uncontaminated by the usual exhalations of industrial towns, our Kurd quite naturally suddenly felt a wish to gratify himself with some ordinary food also; so sitting down by the side of the road, he took from his provision bag some bread and the“fruit”he had bought which had looked so good to him, and leisurely began to eat.

But . . . horror of horrors! . . . very soon everything inside him began to burn. But in spite of this he kept on eating.

And this hapless biped creature of our planet kept on eating, thanks only to that particular human inherency which I mentioned at first, the principle of which I intended, when I decided to use it as the foundation of the new literary form I have created, to make, as it were, a “guiding beacon” leading me to one of my aims in view, and the sense and meaning of which moreover you will, I am sure, soon grasp—of course according to the degree of your comprehension—during the reading of any subsequent chapter of my writings, if, of course, you take the risk and read further, or, it may perhaps be that even at the end of this first chapter you will already “smell” something.

And so, just at the moment when our Kurd was overwhelmed by all the unusual sensations proceeding within him from this strange repast on the bosom of

Nature, there came along the same road a fellow villager of his, one reputed by those who knew him to be very clever and experienced; and, seeing that the whole face of the Kurd was aflame, that his eyes were streaming with tears, and


that in spite of this, as if intent upon the fulfillment of his most important duty, he was eating real “red pepper pods,” he said to him:

“What are you doing, you Jericho jackass? You’ll be burnt alive! Stop eating that extraordinary product, so unaccustomed for your nature.”

But our Kurd replied:“No, for nothing on Earth will I stop. Didn’t I pay my last two cents for them? Even if my soul departs from my body I shall still go on eating.”

Whereupon our resolute Kurd—it must of course be assumed that he was such—did not stop, but continued eating the “red pepper pods.”

After what you have just perceived, I hope there may already be arising in your mentation a corresponding mental association which should, as a result, effectuate in you, as it sometimes happens to contemporary people, that which you call, in general, understanding, and that in the present case you will understand just why I, well knowing and having many a time commiserated with this human inherency, the inevitable manifestation of

which is that if anybody pays money for something, he is bound to use it to the end, was animated in the whole of my entirety with the idea, arisen in my mentation, to take every possible measure in order that you, as is said “my brother in appetite and in spirit”—in the event of your proving to be already accustomed to reading books, though of all kinds, yet nevertheless only those written exclusively in the aforesaid “language of the intelligentsia”—having already paid money for my writings and learning only afterwards that they are not written in the usual convenient and easily read language, should not be compelled as a consequence of the said human inherency, to read my writings through to the end at all costs, as our poor Transcaucasian Kurd was compelled to go on with his eating of what he had


fancied for its appearance alone—that “not to be joked with” noble red pepper.

And so, for the purpose of avoiding any misunderstanding through this inherency, the data for which are formed in the entirety of contemporary man, thanks evidently to his frequenting of the cinema and thanks also to his never missing an opportunity of looking into the left eye of the other sex, I wish that this commencing chapter of mine should be printed in the said manner, so that everyone can read it through without cutting the pages of the book itself.

Otherwise the bookseller will,as is said,“cavil,”and will without fail again turn out to act in accordance with the basic principle of booksellers in general, formulated by them in the words:“You’ll be more of a simpleton than a fisherman if you let go of the fish which has swallowed the bait,” and will decline to take back a book whose pages you have cut. I have no doubt of this possibility; indeed, I fully expect such lack of conscience on the part of the booksellers.

And the data for the engendering of my certainty as to this lack of conscience on the part of these booksellers were completely formed in me, when, while I was a professional “Indian Fakir,” I needed, for the complete elucidation of a certain “ultraphilosophical” question also to become familiar, among other things, with the associative process for the manifestation of the automatically constructed psyche of contemporary booksellers and of their salesmen when palming off books on their buyers.

Knowing all this and having become,since the misfortune which befell me, habitually just and fastidious in the extreme, I cannot help repeating, or rather, I cannot help again warning you, and even imploringly advising you, before beginning to cut the pages of this first book of mine, to read through very attentively, and even more than once, this first chapter of my writings.


But in the event that notwithstanding this warning of mine, you should, nevertheless, wish to become acquainted with the further contents of my expositions, then there is already nothing else left for me to do but to wish you with all my“genuine soul”a very, very good appetite, and that you may “digest” all that you read, not only for your own health but for the health of all those near you.

I said “with my genuine soul” because recently living in Europe and coming in frequent contact with people who on every appropriate and inappropriate occasion are fond of taking in vain every sacred name which should belong only to man’s inner life, that is to say, with people who swear to no purpose, I being, as I have already confessed, a follower in general not only of the theoretical—as contemporary people have become—but also of the practical sayings of popular wisdom which have become fixed by the centuries, and therefore of the saying which in the present case corresponds to what is expressed by the words:“When you are in Rome do as Rome does,” decided, in order not to be out of harmony with the custom established here in Europe of swearing in ordinary conversation, and at the same time to act according to the commandment which was enunciated by the holy lips of Saint Moses “not to take the holy names in vain,” to make use of one of those examples of the “newly baked” fashionable languages of the present time, namely English, and so from then on, I began on necessary occasions to swear by my “English soul.”

The point is that in this fashionable language, the words “soul” and the bottom of your foot, also called “sole,” are pronounced and even written almost alike.

I do not know how it is with you, who are already partly candidate for a buyer of my writings, but my peculiar nature cannot, even with a great mental desire, avoid being indignant at the fact manifested by people


of contemporary civilization, that the very highest in man, particularly beloved by our COMMON FATHER CREATOR, can really be named, and indeed very often before even having made clear to oneself what it is, can be understood to be that which is lowest and dirtiest in man.

Well,enough of“philologizing.”Let us return to the main task of this initial chapter, destined, among other things, on the one hand to stir up the drowsy thoughts in me as well as in the reader, and, on the other, to warn the reader about something.

And so, I have already composed in my head the plan and sequence of the intended expositions, but what form they will take on paper, I, speaking frankly, myself do not as yet know with my consciousness, but with my subconsciousness I already definitely feel that on the whole it will take the form of something which will be, so to say,“hot,” and will have an effect on the entirety of every reader such as the red pepper pods had on the poor

Transcaucasian Kurd.

Now that you have become familiar with the story of our common countryman, the Transcaucasian Kurd, I already consider it my duty to make a confession and hence before continuing this first chapter, which is by way of an introduction to all my further predetermined writings, I wish to bring to the knowledge of what is called your “pure waking consciousness” the fact that in the writings following this chapter of warning I shall expound my thoughts intentionally in such sequence and with such “logical confrontation,” that the essence of certain real notions may of themselves automatically, so to say, go from this “waking consciousness”—which most people in their ignorance mistake for the real consciousness, but which I affirm and experimentally prove is the fictitious one—into what you call the subconscious, which ought to be in my opinion the real human consciousness,


and there by themselves mechanically bring about that transformation which should in general proceed in the entirety of a man and give him, from his own conscious mentation, the results he ought to have, which are proper to man and not merely to singleor double-brained animals.

I decided to do this without fail so that this initial chapter of mine, predetermined as I have already said to awaken

your consciousness, should fully justify its purpose, and reaching not only your,in my opinion,as yet only fictitious“consciousness,”but also your real consciousness, that is to say, what you call your subconscious, might, for the first time, compel you to reflect actively.

In the entirety of every man, irrespective of his heredity and education, there are formed two independent consciousnesses which in their functioning as well as in their manifestations have almost nothing in common. One consciousness is formed from the perception of all kinds of accidental, or on the part of others intentionally produced, mechanical impressions, among which must also be counted the“consonances”of various words which are indeed as is said empty; and the other consciousness is formed from the so to say,“already previously formed material results” transmitted to him by heredity, which have become blended with the corresponding parts of the entirety of a man, as well as from the data arising from his intentional evoking of the associative confrontations of these“materialized data”already in him.

The whole totality of the formation as well as the manifestation of this second human consciousness, which is none other than what is called the “subconscious,” and which is formed from the “materialized results”of heredity and the confrontations actualized by one’s own intentions, should in my opinion, formed by many years of my experimental elucidations during exceptionally

favorably arranged THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 26

conditions, predominate in the common presence of a man.

As a result of this conviction of mine which as yet doubtlessly seems to you the fruit of the fantasies of an afflicted mind, I cannot now, as you yourself see, disregard this second consciousness and, compelled by my essence, am obliged to construct the general exposition even of this first chapter of my writings, namely, the chapter which should be the preface for everything further, calculating that it should reach and, in the manner required for my aim,“ruffle”the perceptions accumulated in both these consciousnesses of yours.

Continuing my expositions with this calculation, I must first of all inform your fictitious consciousness that, thanks to three definite peculiar data which were crystallized in my entirety during various periods of my preparatory age, I am really unique in respect of the so to say “muddling and befuddling” of all the notions and convictions supposedly firmly fixed in the entirety of people with whom I come in contact.

Tut! Tut! Tut! ... I already feel that in your “false”— but according to you“real”—consciousness,there are beginning to be agitated, like“blinded flies,”all the chief data transmitted to you by heredity from your uncle and mother, the totality of which data, always and in

everything, at least engenders in you the impulse—nevertheless extremely good—of curiosity, as in the given case, to find out as quickly as possible why I, that is to say, a novice at writing, whose name has not even once been mentioned in the newspapers, have suddenly become so unique.

Never mind! I personally am very pleased with the arising of this curiosity even though only in your “false” consciousness, as I already know from experience that this impulse unworthy of man can sometimes even pass from this consciousness into one’s nature and become a


worthy impulse—the impulse of the desire for knowledge, which, in its turn, assists the better perception and even the closer understanding of the essence of any object on which, as it sometimes happens, the attention of a contemporary man might be concentrated, and therefore I am even willing, with pleasure, to satisfy this curiosity which has arisen in you at the present moment.

Now listen and try to justify, and not to disappoint, my expectations. This original personality of mine, already “smelled out” by certain definite individuals from both choirs of the Judgment Seat Above, whence Objective justice proceeds, and also here on Earth, by as yet a very limited number of people, is based, as I already said, on three secondary specific data formed in me at different times during my preparatory age.The first of these data,

from the very beginning of its arising,became as it were the chief directing lever of my entire wholeness, and the other two, the “vivifying-sources,” as it were, for the feeding and perfecting of this first datum.

The arising of this first datum proceeded when I was still only, as is said, a “chubby mite.” My dear now deceased grandmother was then still living and was a hundred and some years old.

When my grandmother—may she attain the kingdom of Heaven—was dying, my mother, as was then the custom, took me to her bedside, and as I kissed her right hand, my dear now deceased grandmother placed her dying left hand on my head and in a whisper, yet very distinctly, said:

“Eldest of my grandsons! Listen and always remember my strict injunction to you: In life never do as others do.”

Having said this, she gazed at the bridge of my nose and evidently noticing my perplexity and my obscure understanding of what she had said, added somewhat angrily and imposingly:


“Either do nothing—just go to school—or do something nobody else does.”

Whereupon she immediately, without hesitation, and with a perceptible impulse of disdain for all around her, and with commendable self-cognizance, gave up her soul

directly into the hands of His Truthfulness, the Archangel Gabriel.

I think it will be interesting and even instructive to you to know that all this made so powerful an impression on me at that time that I suddenly became unable to endure anyone around me, and therefore,as soon as we left the room where the mortal“planetary body” of the cause of the cause of my arising lay, I very quietly,trying not to attract attention,stole away to the pit where during Lent the bran and potato skins for our “sanitarians,” that is to say, our pigs, were stored, and lay there, without food or drink, in a tempest of whirling and confused thoughts—of which, fortunately for me, I had then in my childish brain still only a very limited number—right until the return from the cemetery of my mother, whose weeping on finding me gone and after searching for me in vain, as it were “overwhelmed” me. I then immediately emerged from the pit and standing first of all on the edge, for some reason or other with outstretched hand, ran to her and clinging fast to her skirts, involuntarily began to stamp my feet and why, I don’t know, to imitate the braying of the donkey belonging to our neighbor, a bailiff.

Why this produced such a strong impression on me just then, and why I almost automatically manifested so strangely, I cannotuntilnowmakeout;thoughduringrecentyears,particularl y on the days called “Shrovetide,” I pondered a good deal, trying chiefly to discover the reason for it.

I then had only the logical supposition that it was perhaps only because the room in which this sacred scene


The Arousing of Thought 29

occurred, which was to have tremendous significance for the whole of my further life, was permeated through and through with the scent of a special incense brought from the monastery of“Old Athos”and very popular among followers of every shade of belief of the Christian religion.Whatever it may have been,this fact still now remains a bare fact.

During the days following this event, nothing particular happened in my general state, unless there might be connected with it the fact that during these days, I walked more often than usual with my feet in the air, that is to say, on my hands.

My first act, obviously in discordance with the manifestations of others, though truly without the participation not only of my consciousness but also of my subconsciousness, occurred on exactly the fortieth day after the death of my grandmother, when all our family, our relatives and all those by whom my dear grandmother, who was loved by everybody, had been held in esteem, gathered in the cemetery according to custom, to perform over her mortal remains, reposing in the grave, what is called the “requiem service,” when suddenly without any rhyme or reason, instead of observing what

was conventional among people of all degrees of tangible and intangible morality and of all material positions, that is to say, instead of standing quietly as if overwhelmed, with an expression of grief on one’s face and even if possible with tears in one’s eyes, I started skipping round the grave as if dancing, and sang:

“Let her with the saints repose, Now that she’s turned up her toes, Oi! oi! oi!

Let her with the saints repose, Now that she’s turned up her toes.”

...and so on and so forth. THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 30

And just from this it began, that in my entirety a “something” arose which in respect of any kind of so to say “aping,” that is to say, imitating the ordinary automatized manifestations of those around me, always and in everything engendered what I should now call an“irresistible urge”to do things not as others do them.

At that age I committed acts such as the following.

If for example when learning to catch a ball with the right hand, my brother, sisters and the neighbors’ children who came to play with us, threw the ball in the air, I, with the same aim in view, would first bounce the ball hard on the ground, and only when it rebounded would I, first doing a somersault, catch it, and then only with the thumb and middle finger of the left hand; or if all the other children

slid down the hill head first, I tried to do it, and moreover each time better and better, as the children then called it,“backside-first”; or if we children were given various kinds of what are called “Abaranian pastries,” then all the other children, before putting them in their mouths, would first of all lick them, evidently to try their taste and to protract the pleasure, but ... I would first sniff one on all sides and perhaps even put it to my ear and listen intently, and then though only almost unconsciously, yet nevertheless seriously, muttering to myself “so and so and so you must, do not eat until you bust,” and rhythmically humming correspondingly, I would only take one bite and without savoring it, would swallow it—and so on and so forth.

The first event during which there arose in me one of the two mentioned data which became the “vivifying sources” for the feeding and perfecting of the injunction of my deceased grandmother, occurred just at that age when I changed from a chubby mite into what is called a “young rascal” and had already begun to be, as is sometimes


said, a “candidate for a young man of pleasing appearance and dubious content.”

And this event occurred under the following circumstances which were perhaps even specially combined by Fate itself.

With a number of young rascals like myself, I was once laying snares for pigeons on the roof of a neighbor’s house, when suddenly, one of the boys who was standing over me and watching me closely, said:

“I think the noose of the horsehair ought to be so arranged that the pigeon’s big toe never gets caught in it, because, as our zoology teacher recently explained to us, during movement it is just in that toe that the pigeon’s reserve strength is concentrated,and therefore if this big toe gets caught in the noose, the pigeon might of course easily break it.”

Another boy, leaning just opposite me, from whose mouth, by the way, whenever he spoke saliva always splashed abundantly in all directions, snapped at this remark of the first boy and delivered himself, with a copious quantity of saliva, of the following words:

“Shut your trap, you hopeless mongrel offshoot of the Hottentots! What an abortion you are, just like your teacher! Suppose it is true that the greatest physical force of the pigeon is concentrated in that big toe, then all the more, what we’ve got to do is to see that just that toe will be caught in the noose. Only then will there be any sense to our aim—that is to say, for catching these unfortunate pigeon creatures—in that brain-particularity proper to all possessors of that soft and slippery ‘something’ which consists in this, that when, thanks to other actions, from which its insignificant manifestability

depends, there arises a periodic requisite lawconformable what is called ‘change of presence,’ then this small so to say ‘law-conformable confusion’ which should proceed for the animation of


other acts in its general functioning, immediately enables the center of gravity of the whole functioning, in which this slippery ‘something’ plays a very small part, to pass temporarily from its usual place to another place, owing to which there often obtains in the whole of this general functioning, unexpected results ridiculous to the point of absurdity.”

He discharged the last words with such a shower of saliva that it was as if my face were exposed to the action of an“atomizer”— not of“Ersatz”production—invented by the Germans for dyeing material with aniline dyes.

This was more than I could endure, and without changing my squatting position, I flung myself at him, and my head, hitting him with full force in the pit of his stomach, immediately laid him out and made him as is said “lose consciousness.”

I do not know and do not wish to know in what spirit the result will be formed in your mentation of the information about the extraordinary coincidence, in my opinion, of life circumstances, which I now intend to describe here, though for my mentation, this coincidence was excellent material for the assurance of the possibility of the fact

that this event described by me, which occurred in my youth, proceeded not simply accidentally but was intentionally created by certain extraneous forces.

The point is that this dexterity was thoroughly taught me only a few days before this event by a Greek priest from Turkey, who, persecuted by Turks for his political convictions, had been compelled to flee from there, and having arrived in our town had been hired by my parents as a teacher for me of the modern Greek language.

I do not know on which data he based his political convictions and ideas, but I very well remember that in all the conversations of this Greek priest, even while explaining to me the difference between the words of exclamation


in ancient and in modern Greek, there were indeed always very clearly discernible his dreams of getting as soon as possible to the island of Crete and there manifesting himself as befits a true patriot.

Well, then, on beholding the effect of my skill, I was, I must confess,extremely frightened,because,knowing nothing of any such reaction from a blow in that place, I quite thought I had killed him.

At the moment I was experiencing this fear, another boy, the cousin of him who had become the first victim of my so to say “skill in self-defense,”seeing this,without a

moment’s pause,and obviously overcome with a feeling called“consanguinity,”immediately leaped at me and with a full swing struck me in the face with his fist.

From this blow, I, as is said, “saw stars,” and at the same time my mouth became as full as if it had been stuffed with the food necessary for the artificial fattening of a thousand chickens.

After a little time when both these strange sensations had calmed down within me, I then actually discovered that some foreign substance was in my mouth, and when I pulled it out with my fingers, it turned out to be nothing less than a tooth of large dimensions and strange form.

Seeing me staring at this extraordinary tooth, all the boys swarmed around me and also began to stare at it with great curiosity and in a strange silence.

By this time the boy who had been laid out flat recovered and, picking himself up, also began to stare at my tooth with the other boys, as if nothing had happened to him.

This strange tooth had seven shoots and at the end of each of them there stood out in relief a drop of blood, and through each separate drop there shone clearly and definitely one of the seven aspects of the manifestation of the white ray.


After this silence, unusual for us “young rascals,” the usual hubbub broke out again, and in this hubbub it was

decided to go immediately to the barber, a specialist in extracting teeth, and to ask him just why this tooth was like that.

So we all climbed down from the roof and went off to the barber’s. And I, as the “hero of the day,” stalked at the head of them all.

The barber, after a casual glance, said it was simply a “wisdom tooth” and that all those of the male sex have one like it, who until they first exclaim “papa” and “mamma” are fed on milk exclusively from their own mother, and who on first sight are able to distinguish among many other faces the face of their own father.

As a result of the whole totality of the effects of this happening, at which time my poor “wisdom tooth” became a complete sacrifice, not only did my consciousness begin, from that time on, constantly absorbing, in connection with everything, the very essence of the essence of my deceased grandmother’s behest— God bless her soul—but also in me at that time, because I did not go to a “qualified dentist” to have the cavity of this tooth of mine treated, which as a matter of fact I could not do because our home was too far from any contemporary center of culture, there began to ooze chronically from this cavity a “something” which—as it was only recently explained to me by a very famous meteorologist with whom I chanced to become, as is said, “bosom friends” owing to frequent meetings in the

Parisian night restaurants of Montmartre—had the property of arousing an interest in, and a tendency to seek out the causes of the arising of every suspicious“actual fact”;and this property,not transmitted to my entirety by heredity, gradually and automatically led to my ultimately becoming a specialist


in the investigation of every suspicious phenomenon which, as it so often happened, came my way.

This property newly formed in me after this event— when I, of course with the co-operation of our ALLCOMMON MASTER THE MERCILESS HEROPASS,that is the“flow of time,”was transformed into the young man already depicted by me—became for me a real inextinguishable hearth, always burning, of consciousness.

The second of the mentioned vivifying factors, this time for the complete fusion of my dear grandmother’s injunction with all the data constituting my general individuality, was the totality of impressions received from information I chanced to acquire concerning the event which took place here among us on Earth, showing the origin of that “principle” which, as it turned out according to the elucidations of Mr. Alan Kardec during an “absolutely secret” spiritualistic seance, subsequently became everywhere among beings similar to ourselves, arising and existing on all the other planets of our Great

Universe,one of the chief“life principles.”

The formulation in words of this new “all-universal principle of living” is as follows:

“If you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”

As this “principle,” now already universal, arose on that same planet on which you too arose and on which, moreover, you exist almost always on a bed of roses and frequently dance the fox trot, I consider I have no right to withhold from you the information known to me, elucidating certain details of the arising of just that universal principle.

Soon after the definite inculcation into my nature of the said new inherency, that is, the unaccountable striving to elucidate the real reasons for the arising of all sorts of“actual facts,”on my first arrival in the heart of Russia,


the city of Moscow, where, finding nothing else for the satisfaction of my psychic needs, I occupied myself with the investigation of Russian legends and sayings, I once happened—whether accidentally or as a result of some objective sequence according to a law I do not know—to learn by the way the following:

Once upon a time a certain Russian, who in external appearance was to those around him a simple merchant, had to go from his provincial town on some business or

other to this second capitalofRussia,thecityofMoscow,andhisson,hisfavoriteon e— because he resembled only his mother—asked him to bring back a certain book.

When this great unconscious author of the “all-universal principle of living”arrived in Moscow,he together with a friend of his became—as was and still is usual there— “blind drunk”on genuine “Russian vodka.”

And when these two inhabitants of this most great contemporary grouping of biped breathing creatures had drunk the proper number of glasses of this “Russian blessing” and were discussing what is called “public education,” with which question it has long been customary always to begin one’s conversation, then our merchant suddenly remembered by association his dear son’s request, and decided to set off at once to a bookshop with his friend to buy the book.

In the shop, the merchant, looking through the book he had asked for and which the salesman handed him, asked its price.

The salesman replied that the book was sixty kopecks.

Noticing that the price marked on the cover of the book was only forty-five kopecks, our merchant first began pondering in a strange manner, in general unusual for Russians, and afterwards, making a certain movement with his shoulders, straightening himself up almost like a

pillar and throwing out his chest like an officer of the THE AROUSING OF THOUGHT 37

guards, said after a little pause, very quietly but with an intonation in his voice expressing great authority:

“But it is marked here forty-five kopecks.Why do you ask sixty?”

Thereupon the salesman,making as is said the“oleaginous”face proper to all salesmen, replied that the book indeed cost only forty-five kopecks, but had to be sold at sixty because fifteen kopecks were added for postage.

After this reply to our Russian merchant who was perplexed by these two quite contradictory but obviously clearly reconcilable facts, it was visible that something began to proceed in him, and gazing up at the ceiling, he again pondered, this time like an English professor who has invented a capsule for castor oil, and then suddenly turned to his friend and delivered himself for the first time on Earth of the verbal formulation which, expressing in its essence an indubitable objective truth, has since assumed the character of a saying.

And he then put it to his friend as follows:

“Never mind, old fellow, we’ll take the book. Anyway we’re on a spree today, and ‘if you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.’”

As for me, unfortunately doomed, while still living, to experience the delights of“Hell,”as soon as I had cognized all this,something very strange, that I have never experienced before or since, immediately began, and for a rather long time continued to proceed in me; it was as if all kinds of, as contemporary “Hivintzes” say,“competitive races” began to proceed in me between all the various-sourced associations and experiences usually occurring in me.

At the same time, in the whole region of my spine there began a strong almost unbearable itch, and a colic in the very center of my solar plexus, also unbearable, and all this, that is these dual, mutually stimulating sensations,


after the lapse of some time suddenly were replaced by such a peaceful inner condition as I experienced in later life once only, when the ceremony of the great initiation into the Brotherhood of the“Originators of making butter from air”was performed over me;andlaterwhen“I,”thatis,this“somethingunknown”ofmine, which in ancient times one crank— called by those around him, as we now also call such persons, a “learned man”—defined as a “relatively transferable arising, depending on the quality of the functioning of thought, feeling, and organic automatism,” and according to the definition of another also ancient and renowned learned man, the Arabian Mal-el-Lel, which definition by the way was in the course of time

borrowed and repeated in a different way by a no less renowned and learned Greek, Xenophon,“the compound result of consciousness, subconsciousness, and instinct”; so when this same “I” in this condition turned my dazed attention inside myself, then firstly it very clearly constated that everything, even to each single word, elucidating this quotation that has become an “alluniversal life principle” became transformed in me into some special cosmic substance, and merging with the data already crystallized in me long before from the behest of my deceased grandmother, changed these data into a “something” and this “something” flowing everywhere through my entirety settled forever in each atom composing this entirety of mine, and secondly, this my ill-fated “I” there and then definitely felt and, with an impulse of submission, became conscious of this, for me, sad fact, that already from that moment I should willy-nilly have to manifest myself always and in everything without exception, according to this inherency formed in me, not in accordance with the laws of heredity, nor even by the influence of surrounding circumstances, but arising in my entirety under


the influence of three external accidental causes, having nothing in common, namely: thanks in the first place to the behest of a person who had become, without the slightest desire on my part, a passive cause of the cause of my arising; secondly, on account of a tooth of mine

knocked out by some ragamuffin of a boy, mainly on account of somebody else’s “slobberiness”; and thirdly, thanks to the verbal formulation delivered in a drunken state by a person quite alien to me—some merchant of “Moscovite brand.”

If before my acquaintance with this “all-universal principle of living” I had actualized all manifestations differently from other biped animals similar to me, arising and vegetating with me on one and the same planet, then I did so automatically, and sometimes only half consciously, but after this event I began to do so consciously and moreover with an instinctive sensation of the two blended impulses of self-satisfaction and selfcognizance in correctly and honorably fulfilling my duty to Great Nature.

It must even be emphasized that although even before this event I already did everything not as others did, yet my manifestations were hardly thrust before the eyes of my fellow countrymen around me, but from the moment when the essence of this principle of living was assimilated in my nature, then on the one hand all my manifestations, those intentional for any aim and also those simply, as is said,“occurring out of sheer idleness,” acquired vivify-ingness and began to assist in the formation of “corns” on the organs of perception of every creature similar to me without exception who directed his attention directly or indirectly toward my actions, and on the other hand, I myself began to carry out all these

actions of mine in accordance with the injunctions of my deceased grandmother to the utmost possible limits; and the practice was automatically acquired in me on beginning anything new


and also at any change, of course on a large scale, always to utter silently or aloud:

“If you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”

And now, for instance, in the present case also, since, owing to causes not dependent on me, but flowing from the strange and accidental circumstances of my life, I happen to be writing books, I am compelled to do this also in accordance with that same principle which has gradually become definite through various extraordinary combinations created by life itself, and which has blended with each atom of my entirety.

This psycho-organic principle of mine I shall this time begin to actualize not by following the practice of all writers, established from the remote past down to the present, of taking as the theme of their various writings the events which have supposedly taken place, or are taking place, on Earth, but shall take instead as the scale of events for my _writings—the whole Universe. Thus in the present case also,“If you take then take!”—that is to say,“If you go on a spree then go the whole hog including the postage.”

Any writer can write within the scale of the Earth, but I am not any writer.

Can I confine myself merely to this, in the objective sense,“paltryEarth”ofours?Todothis,thatistosay,totakeformywritings the same themes as in general other writers do, I must not, even if only because what our learned spirits affirm might suddenly indeed prove true; and my grandmother might learn of this; and do you understand what might happen to her, to my dear beloved grandmother? Would she not turn in her grave, not once, as is usually said, but—as I understand her, especially now when I can already quite“skillfully”enter into the position of another— she would turn so many


times that she would almost be transformed into an “Irish weathercock.”

Please, reader, do not worry ... I shall of course also write of the Earth, but with such an impartial attitude that this comparatively small planet itself and also everything on it shall correspond to that place which in fact it occupies and which, even according to your own sane logic, arrived at thanks of course to my guidance, it must occupy in our Great Universe.

I must, of course, also make the various what are called “heroes” of these writings of mine not such types as those which in general the writers of all ranks and epochs on

Earth have drawn and exalted, that is to say, types such as any Tom, Dick, or Harry, who arise through a misunderstanding, and who fail to acquire during the process of their formation up to what is called “responsible life,” anything at all which it is proper for an arising in the image of God, that is to say a man, to have, and who progressively develop in themselves to their last breath only such various charms as for instance:“lasciviousness,”“slobberiness,”“amorousness,”“maliciousness,”“chickenheartedness,”“enviousness,” and similar vices unworthy of man.

I intend to introduce in my writings heroes of such type as everybody must, as is said,“willy-nilly” sense with his whole being as real, and about whom in every reader data must inevitably be crystallized for the notion that they are indeed“somebody”and not merely “just anybody.”

During the last weeks, while lying in bed, my body quite sick, I mentally drafted a summary of my future writings and thought out the form and sequence of their exposition, and I decided to make the chief hero of the first series of my writings ... do you know whom? . . . the Great Beelzebub Himself—even in spite of the fact


that this choice of mine might from the very beginning evoke in the mentation of most of my readers such mental

associations as must engender in them all kinds of automatic contradictory impulses from the action of that totality of data infallibly formed in the psyche of people owing to all the established abnormal conditions of our external life, which data are in general crystallized in people owing to the famous what is called “religious morality”existing and rooted in their life,and in them,consequently, there must inevitably be formed data for an inexplicable hostility towards me personally.

But do you know what, reader?

In case you decide, despite this Warning, to risk continuing to familiarize yourself with my further writings, and you try to absorb them always with an impulse of impartiality and to understand the very essence of the questions I have decided to elucidate, and in view also of the particularity inherent in the human psyche, that there can be no opposition to the perception of good only exclusively when so to say a “contact of mutual frankness and confidence” is established, I now still wish to make a sincere confession to you about the associations arisen within me which as a result have precipitated in the corresponding sphere of my consciousness the data which have prompted the whole of my individuality to select as the chief hero for my writings just such an individual as is presented before your inner eyes by this same Mr. Beelzebub.

This I did, not without cunning. My cunning lies simply

in the logical supposition that if I show him this attention he infallibly— as I already cannot doubt any more—has to show himself grateful and help me by all means in his command in my intended writings.

Although Mr. Beelzebub is made, as is said,“of a different grain,” yet, since He also can think, and, what


is most important, has—as I long ago learned, thanks to the treatise of the famous Catholic monk, Brother Foolon—a curly tail, then I, being thoroughly convinced from experience that curls are never natural but can be obtained only from various intentional manipulations, conclude, according to the “sane-logic” of hieromancy formed in my consciousness from reading books, that Mr. Beelzebub also must possess a good share of vanity, and will therefore find it extremely inconvenient not to help one who is going to advertise His name.

It is not for nothing that our renowned and incomparable teacher, Mullah Nassr Eddin, frequently says:

“Without greasing the palm not only is it impossible to live anywhere tolerably but even to breathe.”

And another also terrestrial sage, who has become such, thanks to the crass stupidity of people, named Till Eulenspiegel, has expressed the same in the following words:

“If you don’t grease the wheels the cart won’t go.”

Knowing these and many other sayings of popular wisdom formed by centuries in the collective life of people, I have decided to“grease the palm”precisely of Mr.Beelzebub,who,as everyone understands, has possibilities and knowledge enough and to spare for everything.

Enough, old fellow! All joking even philosophical joking aside, you, it seems, thanks to all these deviations, have transgressed one of the chief principles elaborated in you and put in the basis of a system planned previously for introducing your dreams into life by means of such a new profession, which principle consists in this, always to remember and take into account the fact of the weakening of the functioning of the mentation of the contemporary reader and not to fatigue him with the perception of numerous ideas over a short time.

Moreover, when I asked one of the people always around me who are “eager to enter Paradise without fail


with their boots on,” to read aloud straight through all that I have written in this introductory chapter, what is called my “I”— of course,with the participation of all the definite data formed in my original psyche during my past years, which data gave me among other things understanding of the psyche of creatures of different type but similar to me—constated and cognized with certainty that in the entirety of every reader without exception

there must inevitably, thanks to this first chapter alone, arise a “something” automatically engendering definite unfriendliness towards me personally.

To tell the truth, it is not this which is now chiefly worrying me, but the fact that at the end of this reading I also constated that in the sum total of everything expounded in this chapter, the whole of my entirety in which the aforesaid “I” plays a very small part, manifested itself quite contrary to one of the fundamental commandments of that All-Common Teacher whom I particularly esteem, Mullah Nassr Eddin, and which he formulated in the words:“Never poke your stick into a hornets’ nest.”

The agitation which pervaded the whole system affecting my feelings, and which resulted from cognizing that in the reader there must necessarily arise an unfriendly feeling towards me, at once quieted down as soon as I remembered the ancient Russian proverb which states:“There is no offence which with time will not blow over.”

But the agitation which arose in my system from realizing my negligence in obeying the commandment of Mullah Nassr Eddin, not only now seriously troubles me, but a very strange process, which began in both of my recently discovered“souls”and which assumed the form of an unusual itching immediately I understood this, began progressively to increase until it now evokes and

produces an almost intolerable pain in the region a little below the


right half of my already, without this, overexercised “solar plexus.”

Wait!Wait!...Thisprocess,itseems,isalsoceasing,andinallth e depths of my consciousness, and let us meanwhile say “even beneath my subconsciousness,” there already begins to arise everything requisite for the complete assurance that it will entirely cease, because I have remembered another fragment of life wisdom, the thought of which led my mentation to the reflection that if I indeed acted against the advice of the highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin, I nevertheless acted without premeditation according to the principle of that extremely sympathetic—not so well known everywhere on earth, but never forgotten by all who have once met him—that precious jewel, Karapet of Tiflis.

It can’t be helped. . . . Now that this introductory chapter of mine has turned out to be so long, it will not matter if I lengthen it a little more to tell you also about this extremely sympathetic Karapet of Tiflis.

First of all I must state that twenty or twenty-five years ago, the Tiflis railway station had a “steam whistle.”

It was blown every morning to wake the railway workers and station hands, and as the Tiflis station stood on a hill,

this whistle was heard almost all over the town and woke up not only the railway workers, but the inhabitants of the town of Tiflis itself.

The Tiflis local government, as I recall it, even entered into a correspondence with the railway authorities about the disturbance of the morning sleep of the peaceful citizens.

To release the steam into the whistle every morning was the job of this same Karapet who was employed in the station.

So when he would come in the morning to the rope with which he released the steam for the whistle, he


would, before taking hold of the rope and pulling it, wave his hand in all directions and solemnly, like a Mohammedan mullah from a minaret, loudly cry:

“Your mother is a — —, your father is a — —, your grandfather is more than a — —; may your eyes, ears, nose, spleen, liver, corns ...”and so on;in short,he pronounced in various keys all the curses he knew, and not until he had done so would he pull the rope.

When I heard about this Karapet and of this practice of his, I visited him one evening after the day’s work, with a small boordook of Kahketeenian wine,and after performing this indispensable local solemn “toasting ritual,” I asked him, of course in a suitable form and also

according to the local complex of“amenities” established for mutual relationship, why he did this.

Having emptied his glass at a draught and having once sung the famous Georgian song,“Little did we tipple,”inevitably sung when drinking, he leisurely began to answer as follows:

“As you drink wine not as people do today, that is to say, not merely for appearances but in fact honestly, then this already shows me that you do not wish to know about this practice of mine out of curiosity, like our engineers and technicians, but really owing to your desire for knowledge, and therefore I wish, and even consider it my duty, sincerely to confess to you the exact reason of these inner, so to say, ‘scrupulous considerations’ of mine, which led me to this, and which little by little instilled in me such a habit.”

He then related the following:

“Formerly I used to work in this station at night cleaning the steam boilers, but when this steam whistle was brought here, the stationmaster, evidently considering my age and incapacity for the heavy work I was doing, ordered me to occupy myself only with releasing the steam into


the whistle, for which I had to arrive punctually every morning and evening.

“The first week of this new service,I once noticed that after performing this duty of mine, I felt for an hour or two vaguely ill at ease. But when this strange feeling, increasing day by day, ultimately became a definite instinctive uneasiness from which even my appetite for ‘Makhokh’ disappeared, I began from then on always to think and think in order to find out the cause of this. I thought about it all particularly intensely for some reason or other while going to and coming from my work, but however hard I tried I could make nothing whatsoever, even approximately, clear to myself.

“It thus continued for almost two years and, finally, when the calluses on my palms had become quite hard from the rope of the steam whistle, I quite accidentally and suddenly understood why I experienced this uneasiness.

“The shock for my correct understanding, as a result of which there was formed in me concerning this an unshakable conviction, was a certain exclamation I accidentally heard under the following, rather peculiar, circumstances.

“One morning when I had not had enough sleep, having spent the first half of the night at the christening of my neighbor’s ninth daughter and the other half in reading a very interesting and rare book I had by chance obtained and which was entitled Dreams and Witchcraft, as I was hurrying on my way to release the steam, I suddenly saw at the corner a barber-surgeon I knew, belonging to the

local government service, who beckoned me to stop.

“The duty of this barber-surgeon friend of mine consisted in going at a certain time through the town accompanied by an assistant with a specially constructed carriage and seizing all the stray dogs whose collars were without


the metal plates distributed by the local authorities on payment of the tax and taking these dogs to the municipal slaughterhouse where they were kept for two weeks at municipal expense, feeding on the slaughterhouse offal; if, on the expiration of this period, the owners of the dogs had not claimed them and paid the established tax, then these dogs were, with a certain solemnity, driven down a certain passageway which led directly to a specially built oven.

“After a short time, from the other end of this famous salutary oven, there flowed, with a delightful gurgling sound, a definite quantity of pellucid and ideally clean fat to the profit of the fathers of our town for the manufacture of soap and also perhaps of something else, and, with a purling sound, no less delightful to the ear, there poured out also a fair quantity of very useful substance for fertilizing.

“This barber-surgeon friend of mine proceeded in the following simple and admirably skillful manner to catch the dogs.

“He somewhere obtained a large, old, and ordinary fishing net, which, during these peculiar excursions of his for the general human welfare through the slums of our town, he carried, arranged in a suitable manner on his strong shoulders, and when a dog without its ‘passport’ came within the sphere of his allseeing and, for all the canine species, terrible eye, he without haste and with the softness of a panther, would steal up closely to it and seizing a favorable moment when the dog was interested and attracted by something it noticed, cast his net on it and quickly entangled it, and later, rolling up the carriage, he disentangled the dog in such a way that it found itself in the cage attached to the carriage.

“Just when my friend the barber-surgeon beckoned me to stop, he was aiming to throw his net, at the opportune


moment, at his next victim, which at that moment was standing wagging his tail and looking at a bitch. My friend was just about to throw his net, when suddenly the bells of a neighboring church rang out, calling the people to early morning prayers. At such an unexpected ringing in the morning quiet, the dog took fright and springing aside flew off like a shot down the empty street at his full canine velocity.

“Then the barber-surgeon so infuriated by this that his hair,even beneath his armpits, stood on end, flung his net on the pavement and spitting over his left shoulder,

loudly exclaimed:

“‘Oh, Hell! What a time to ring!’

“As soon as the exclamation of the barber-surgeon reached my reflecting apparatus,there began to swarm in it various thoughts which ultimately led, in my view, to the correct understanding of just why there proceeded in me the aforesaid instinctive uneasiness.

“The first moment after I had understood this there even arose a feeling of being offended at myself that such a simple and clear thought had not entered my head before.

“I sensed with the whole of my being that my effect on the general life could produce no other result than that process which had all along proceeded in me.

“And indeed, everyone awakened by the noise I make with the steam whistle, which disturbs his sweet morning slumbers, must without doubt curse me ‘by everything under the sun,’ just me, the cause of this hellish row, and thanks to this, there must of course certainly flow towards my person from all directions, vibrations of all kinds of malice.

“On that significant morning, when, after performing my duties,I,in my customary mood of depression,was sitting in a neighboring ‘Dukhan’ and eating ‘Hachi’ with garlic,


I, continuing to ponder, came to the conclusion that if I should curse beforehand all those to whom my service for the benefit of certain among them might seem disturbing, then, according to the explanation of the book I had read the night before, however much all those, as they might be called,‘who lie in the sphere of idiocy,’ that is, between sleep and drowsiness, might curse me, it would have—as explained in that same book—no effect on me at all.

“And in fact, since I began to do so, I no longer feel the said instinctive uneasiness.”

Well, now, patient reader, I must really conclude this opening chapter. It has now only to be signed.


Stop! Misunderstanding formation! With a signature there must be no joking, otherwise the same will be done to you as once before in one of the empires of Central Europe, when you were made to pay ten years’ rent for a house you occupied only for three months, merely because you had set your hand to a paper undertaking to renew the contract for the house each year.

Of course after this and still other instances from life experience, I must in any case in respect of my own signature, be very, very careful.

Very well then.

Hewhoinchildhoodwascalled“Tatakh”;inearlyyouth“Dark y”; later the “Black Greek”; in middle age, the “Tiger of Turkestan”; and now, not just anybody, but the genuine “Monsieur” or “Mister”Gurdjieff,or the nephew of“Prince Mukransky,”or finally,simply a“Teacher of Dancing.”


CHAPTER 2!Introduction: Why Beelzebub Was in Our Solar System

It was in the year 223 after the creation of the World, by objective time-calculation,or,as it would be said here on the“Earth,”in the year 1921 after the birth of Christ.

Through the Universe flew the ship Karnak of the “transspace” communication.

It was flying from the spaces “Assooparatsata,” that is, from the spaces of the “Milky Way,” from the planet Karatas to the solar system “Pandetznokh,” the sun of which is also called the “Pole Star.”

On the said “transspace” ship was Beelzebub with his kinsmen and near attendants.

He was on his way to the planet Revozvradendr to a special conference in which he had consented to take part, at the request of his friends of long standing.

Only the remembrance of these old friendships had constrained him to accept this invitation, since he was no

longer young, and solengthyajourney,andthevicissitudesinseparablefromit,w ere by no means an easy task for one of his years.

Only a little before this journey Beelzebub had returned home to the planet Karatas where he had received his arising and far from which, on account of circumstances independent of his own essence, he had passed many years of his existence in conditions not proper to his nature.

This many-yeared existence, unsuited to him, together with the perceptions unusual for his nature and the experiences not proper to his essence involved in it, had not failed to leave on his common presence a perceptible mark.


Besides, time itself had by now inevitably aged him, and the said unusual conditions of existence had brought Beelzebub, just that Beelzebub who had had such an exceptionally strong, fiery, and splendid youth, to an also exceptional old age.

Long, long before, while Beelzebub was still existing at home on the planet Karatas, he had been taken, owing to his extraordinarily resourceful intelligence,into service on the“Sun Absolute,” where our LORD SOVEREIGN ENDLESSNESS has the fundamental place of HIS Dwelling; and there Beelzebub, among others like himself, had become an attendant upon HIS


It was just then that, owing to the as yet unformed Reason due to his youth, and owing to his callow and therefore still impetuous mentation with unequally flowing associations—that is, owing to a mentation based, as is natural to beings who have not yet become definitely responsible, on a limited understanding—Beelzebub once saw in the government of the World something which seemed to him“illogical,”and having found support among his comrades, beings like himself not yet formed, interfered in what was none of his business.

Thanks to the impetuosity and force of Beelzebub’s nature, his intervention together with his comrades then soon captured all minds, and the effect was to bring the central kingdom of the Megalocosmos almost to the edge of revolution.

Having learned of this, HIS ENDLESSNESS, notwithstanding his All-lovingness and All-forgiveness, was constrained to banish Beelzebub with his comrades to one of the remote corners of the Universe, namely, to the solar system “Ors” whose inhabitants call it simply the “Solar System,” and to assign as the place of their existence one of the planets of that solar system, namely, Mars, with the privilege of existing on other planets also, though only of the same solar system.

WHY BEELZEBUB WAS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM 53 Introduction Why Beelzebub Was in Our Solar System 53

Among these exiles, besides the said comrades of Beelzebub, were a number of those who merely sympathized with him, and also the attendants and subordinates both of Beelzebub and of his comrades.

All, with their households, arrived at this remote place and there in a short time on the planet Mars a whole colony was formed of three-centered beings from various planets of the central part of our Great Universe.

All this population,extraordinary for the said planet,accommodated itself little by little to its new dwelling place, and many of them even found one or another occupation for shortening the long years of their exile.

They found occupations either on this same planet Mars or upon the neighboring planets, namely, on those planets that had been almost entirely neglected on account of their remoteness from the Center and the poverty of all their formations.

As the years rolled by, many either on their own initiative or in response to needs of general character, migrated gradually from the planet Mars to other planets; but Beelzebub himself, together with his near attendants, remained on the planet Mars, where he organized his existence more or less tolerably.

One of his chief occupations was the arranging of an“observatory” on the planet Mars for the observation

both of remote points of the Universe and of the conditions of existence of beings on neighboring planets; and this observatory of his, it may here be remarked, afterwards became well known and even famous everywhere in the Universe.

Although the solar system “Ors” had been neglected owing to its remoteness from the center and to many other reasons, nevertheless our LORD SOVEREIGN had sent from time to time HIS Messengers to the planets of this system, to regulate, more or less, the beingexistence of the three-brained beings arising on them, for the co-ordination of

WHY BEELZEBUB WAS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM 54 the process of their existence with the general World Harmony.

And thus, to a certain planet of this solar system, namely, the planet Earth, there was once sent as such a Messenger from our ENDLESSNESS, a certain Ashiata Shiemash, and as Beelzebub had then fulfilled a certain need in connection with his mission, the said Messenger, when he returned once more to the “Sun Absolute,”earnestly besought HIS ENDLESSNESS to pardon this once young and fiery but now aged Beelzebub.

In view of this request of Ashiata Shiemash, and also of the modest and cognoscent existence of Beelzebub himself, our MAKER CREATOR pardoned him and gave him permission to return to the place of his arising.

And that is why Beelzebub, after a long absence, happened now to be again in the center of the Universe.

His influence and authority had not only not declined during his exile, but, on the contrary, they had greatly increased, since all those around him were clearly aware that, thanks to his prolonged existence in the aforementioned unusual conditions, his knowledge and experience must inevitably have been broadened and deepened.

And so, when events of great importance occurred on one of the planets of the solar system “Pandetznokh,” Beelzebub’s old friends had decided to intrude upon him and to invite him to the conference concerning these events.

And it was as the outcome of this that Beelzebub was now making the long journey on the ship Karnak from the planet Karatas to the planet Revozvradendr.

On this big space-ship Karnak, the passengers included the kinsmen and attendants of Beelzebub and also many beings who served on the ship itself.

During the period to which this tale of ours refers, all the passengers were occupied either with their duties or


simply with the actualization of what is called “active being mentation.”

Among all the passengers aboard the ship, one very handsome boy was conspicuous; he was always near Beelzebub himself.

This was Hassein, the son of Beelzebub’s favorite son Tooloof.

After his return home from exile, Beelzebub had seen this grandson of his, Hassein, for the first time, and, appreciating his good heart,and also owing to what is called“family attraction,”he took an instant liking to him.

And as the time happened to coincide with the time when the Reason of little Hassein needed to be developed, Beelzebub, having a great deal of free time there, himself undertook the education of his grandson, and from that time on took Hassein everywhere about with him.

That is why Hassein also was accompanying Beelzebub on this long journey and was among the number around him.

And Hassein, on his side, so loved his grandfather that he would not stir a step without him, and he eagerly absorbed everything his grandfather either said or taught.

At the time of this narrative, Beelzebub with Hassein and his devoted old servant Ahoon, who always accompanied him everywhere, were seated on the highest “Kas-nik,” that is, on the upper deck of the ship Karnak under the“Kalnokranonis,”somewhat resembling what we

should call a large “glass bell,” and were talking there among themselves while observing the boundless space.

Beelzebub was talking about the solar system where he had passed long years.

And Beelzebub was just then describing the peculiarities of the nature of the planet called Venus.

During the conversation it was reported to Beelzebub that the captain of their ship wished to speak with him and to this request Beelzebub acceded.


CHAPTER 3!The Cause of the Delay in the Falling of the Ship Karnak

1 he captain soon afterward entered and having performed before Beelzebub all the ceremonies appropriate to Beelzebub’s rank, said:

“Y ourRightReverence,allowmetoaskyourauthoritativeopi nion upon an ‘inevitability’ that lies in the line of our course, and which will hinder our smooth falling by the shortest route.

“The point is that if we follow our intended course, then our ship, after two ‘Kilprenos,’* will pass through the solar system ‘Vuanik.’

“But just through where our ship must pass, there must also pass,about a‘Kilpreno’before,the great comet

belonging to that solar system and named ‘Sakoor’ or, as it is sometimes called, the ‘Madcap.’

“So if we keep to our proposed course, we must inevitably traverse the space through which this comet will have to pass.

“Your Right Reverence of course knows that this‘Madcap’comet always leaves in its track a great deal of ‘Zil-notrago’f which on entering the planetary body of a being disorganizes most of its functions until all the ‘Zilnotrago’ is volatilized out of it.

“I thought at first,” continued the captain, “of avoiding the ‘Zilnotrago’ by steering the ship around these spheres, but for this a long detour would be necessary which would

* The word “Kilpreno” in the language of Beelzebub means a certain period of time, equal approximately to the duration of the flow of time which we call an “hour.”

t The word “Zilnotrago” is the name of a special gas similar to what we call “cyanic acid.”


greatly lengthen the time of our passage. On the other hand, to wait somewhere until the ‘Zilnotrago’ is dispersed would take still longer.

“In view of the sharp distinction in the alternatives before us, I cannot myself decide what to do, and so I have

ventured to trouble you, your Right Reverence, for your competent advice.”

The captain having finished speaking, Beelzebub thought a little and then said as follows:

“Really, I do not know how to advise you, my dear Captain. Ah, yes ... in that solar system where I existed for a long time, there is a planet called Earth. On that planet Earth arose, and still continue to arise, very strange three-centered beings. And among the beings of a continent of that planet called Asia,’ there arose and existed a very wise three-brained being whom they called there ‘Mullah Nassr Eddin.’

“For each and every peculiar situation great and small in the existence of the beings there,”Beelzebub continued,“this same terrestrial sage Mullah Nassr Eddin had an apt and pithy saying.

“As all his sayings were full of the sense of truth for existence there, I also always used them there as a guide, in order to have a comfortable existence among the beings of that planet.

“And in the given case too, my dear Captain, I intend to profit by one of his wise sayings.

“In such a situation as has befallen us, he would probably say:

“‘You cannot jump over your knees and it is absurd to try

to kiss your own elbow.’

“I now say the same to you, and I add: there is nothing to be done; when an event is impending which arises from forces immeasurably greater than our own, one must submit.


“The only question is, which of the alternatives you mentioned should be chosen—that is, to wait somewhere or to add to our journey by a ‘detour.’

“You say that to make a detour will greatly lengthen our journey but that waiting will take still longer.

“Good, my dear Captain. Suppose that by making the detour we should save a little time, what do you think: Is the wear and tear of the parts of our ship’s machinery worthwhile for the sake of ending our journey a little sooner?

“If the detour should involve even the most trifling damage to our ship, then in my opinion we ought to prefer your second suggestion, that is, to stop somewhere until the path is cleared of the noxious‘Zilnotrago.’By that means we should spare our ship useless damage.

“And we will try to fill the period of this unforeseen delay with something useful for us all.

“For instance, it would give me personally great pleasure

to talk with you about contemporary ships in general and about our ship in particular.

“Very many new things,of which I still know nothing,have been done in this field during my absence from these parts.

“For example, in my time these big transspace ships were so complicated and cumbersome that it took almost half their power to carry the materials necessary to elaborate their possibility of locomotion.

“But in their simplicity and the freedom on them, these contemporary ships are just embodiments of ‘Blissstokirno.’

“There is such a simplicity for beings upon them and such freedom in respect of all being-manifestations that at times you forget that you are not on one of the planets.

“So, my dear Captain, I should like very much to know how this boon was brought about and how the contemporary ships work.


“But now go and make all arrangements necessary for the required stopping. And then, when you are quite free, come to me again and we will pass the time of our unavoidable delay in conversation useful for us all.”

When the captain had gone, Hassein suddenly sprang to

his feet and began to dance and clap his hands and shout: “Oh, I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m glad of this.”

Beelzebub looked with affection on these joyous manifestations of his favorite, but old Ahoon could not restrain himself and, shaking his head reproachfully, called the boy—half to himself—a “growing egoist.”

Hearing what Ahoon called him, Hassein stopped in front of him, and, looking at him mischievously, said:

“Don’t be angry with me, old Ahoon. The reason for my joy is not egoism but only the coincidence which chances to be happy for me. You heard, didn’t you? My dear grandfather did not decide only just to make a stop, but he also promised the captain totalkwithhim....

“And you know, don’t you, that the talks of my dear grandfather always bring out tales of places where he has been, and you know also how delightfully he tells them and how much new and interesting information becomes crystallized in our presences from these tales.

“Where is the egoism? Hasn’t he himself, of his own free will, having weighed with his wise reason all the circumstances of this unforeseen event, decided to make a stop which evidently doesn’t upset his intended plans very much?

“It seems to me that my dear grandfather has no need to hurry; everything necessary for his rest and comfort is

present on the Karnak and here also are many who love him and whom he loves.

“Don’t you remember he said recently ‘we must not oppose forces higher than our own’ and added that not


only one must not oppose them, but even submit and receive all their results with reverence, at the same time praising and glorifying the wonderful and providential works of Our Lord Creator?

“I am not glad because of the misadventure but because an unforeseen event issuing from above has occurred, owing to which we shall be able to listen once more to the tales of my dear grandfather.

“Is it my fault that the circumstances are by chance most desirable and happy for me?

“No, dear Ahoon, not only should you not rebuke me, but you should join me in expressing gratitude to the source of all beneficent results that arise.”

All this time Beelzebub listened attentively and with a smile to the chatter of his favorite, and when he had finished said:

“You are right, dear Hassein, and for being right I will tell you, even before the captain’s arrival, anything you like.”

Upon hearing this, the boy at once ran and sat at the feet

of Beelzebub and after thinking a little said:

“My dear Grandfather, you have told me so much about the solar system where you spent so many years, that now perhaps I could continue just by logic alone to describe the details of the nature of that peculiar corner of our Universe.

“But I am curious to know whether there dwell threebrained beings on the planets of that solar system and whether higher ‘being-bodies’ are coated in them.

“Please tell me now about just this, dear Grandfather,” concluded Hassein, looking affectionately up at Beelzebub.

“Yes,”replied Beelzebub,“on almost all the planets of that solar system also, three-brained beings dwell, and in almost all of them higher being-bodies can be coated.

“Higher being-bodies, or as they are called on some THE CAUSE OF THE DELAY 61

planets of that solar system, souls, arise in the threebrained beings breeding on all the planets except those before reaching which the emanations of our ‘Most Holy Sun Absolute,’ owing to repeated deflections, gradually lose the fullness of their strength and eventually cease entirely to contain the vivific power for coating higher being-bodies.

“Certainly, my boy, on each separate planet of that solar

system also,the planetary bodies of the three-brained beings are coated and take an exterior form in conformity with the nature of the given planet, and are adapted in their details to the surrounding nature.

“For instance, on that planet on which it was ordained that all we exiles should exist, namely, the planet Mars, the three-brained beings are coated with planetary bodies having the form—how shall I tell you—a form like a ‘karoona,’ that is to say, they have a long broad trunk, amply provided with fat, and heads with enormous protruding and shining eyes. On the back of this enormous ‘planetary body’ of theirs are two large wings, and on the under side two comparatively small feet with very strong claws.

“Almost the whole strength of this enormous ‘planetary body’ is adapted by nature to generate energy for their eyes and for their wings.

“As a result, the three-brained beings breeding on that planet can see freely everywhere, whatever the ‘Kal-dazakh-tee,’ and they can also move not only over the planet itself but also in its atmosphere and some of them occasionally even manage to travel beyond the limits of its atmosphere.

“The three-brained beings breeding on another planet, a little below the planet Mars, owing to the intense cold there are covered with thick soft wool.

“The external form of these three-centered beings is THE CAUSE OF THE DELAY 62

like that of a ‘Toosook,’ that is, it resembles a kind of ‘double sphere,’the upper sphere serving to contain the principal organs of the whole planetary body, and the other, the lower sphere, the organs for the transformation of the first and second being-foods.

“There are three apertures in the upper sphere, opening outwards; two serve for sight and the third for hearing.

“Theother,thelowersphere,hasonlytwoapertures:oneinfron t for taking in the first and second being-foods, and the other at the back for the elimination from the organism of residues.

“To the lower sphere are also attached two very strong sinewy feet, and on each of these is a growth that serves the purpose of fingers with us.

“There is still another planet,a quite small one,bearing the name Moon, in that solar system, my dear boy.

“During its motion this peculiar little planet often approached very near to our planet Mars and sometimes during whole ‘Kilprenos’ I took great pleasure in observing through my ‘Teskooano’* in my observatory the process of existence of the three-brained beings upon it.

“Though the beings of this planet have very

frail‘planetary bodies,’ they have on the other hand a very ‘strong spirit,’ owing to which they all possess an extraordinary perseverance and capacity for work.

“In exterior form they resemble what are called large ants; and, like these, they are always bustling about, working both on and within their planet.

“The results of their ceaseless activity are now already plainly visible.

“I once happened to notice that during two of our years they ‘tunnelled,’ so to say, the whole of their planet.

“Teskooano” means “telescope.” THE CAUSE OF THE DELAY 63

“They were compelled to undertake this task on account of the abnormal local climatic conditions, which are due to the fact that this planet arose unexpectedly, and the regulation of its climatic harmony was therefore not prearranged by the Higher Powers.

“The‘climate’of this planet is‘mad,’and in its variability it could give points to the most highly strung hysterical women existing on another of the planets of that same solar system, of which I shall also tell you.

“Sometimes there are such frosts on this‘Moon’that everything is frozen through and through and it becomes impossible for beings to breathe in the open atmosphere; and then suddenly it becomes so hot there that an egg can

be cooked in its atmosphere in a jiffy.

“For only two short periods on that peculiar little planet,namely, before and after its complete revolution about its neighbor— another planet nearby—the weather is so glorious that for several rotations the whole planet is in blossom and yields the various products for their first being-food greatly in excess of their general need during their existence in that peculiar intraplanetary kingdom which they have arranged and where they are protected from all the vagaries of this ‘mad’ climate inharmoniously changing the state of the atmosphere.

“Nearest to that small planet is another, a larger planet, which also occasionally approaches quite close to the planet Mars and is called Earth.

“The said Moon is just a part of this Earth and the latter must now constantly maintain the Moon’s existence.

“On the just mentioned planet Earth, also, three-brained beings are formed; and they also contain all the data for coating higher being-bodies in themselves.

“But in ‘strength of spirit’ they do not begin to compare with the beings breeding on the little planet aforementioned.The external coatings of the threebrained beings


of that planet Earth closely resemble our own; only, first of all, their skin is a little slimier than ours, and then,

secondly, they have no tail, and their heads are without horns. What is worst about them is their feet, namely, they have no hoofs; it is true that for protection against external influences they have invented what they call‘boots,’but this invention does not help them very much.

“Apart from the imperfection of their exterior form, their Reason also is quite ‘uniquely strange.’

“Their‘being-Reason,’owing to very many causes about which also I may tell you sometime, has gradually degenerated, and at the present time, is very, very strange and exceedingly peculiar.”

Beelzebub would have said still more, but the captain of the ship entering at that moment, Beelzebub, after promising the boy to tell him about the beings of the planet Earth on another occasion, began to talk with the captain.

Beelzebub asked the captain to tell him, first, who he was, how long he had been captain, and how he liked his work, and afterwards to explain some of the details of the contemporary cosmic ships.

Thereupon the captain said:

“Your Right Reverence, I was destined by my father, as soon as I reached the age of a responsible being, for this career in the service of our ENDLESS CREATOR.

“Starting with the lowest positions on the transspace ships, I ultimately merited to perform the duties of captain, and it is now eight years that I have been captain on the long-distance ships.

“This last post of mine, namely, that of captain of the ship Karnak, I took, strictly speaking, in succession to my father, when after his long years of blameless service to HIS ENDLESSNESS in the performance of the duties of captain from almost the very beginning of the Worldcreation,


he had become worthy to be promoted to the post of Ruler of the solar system ‘Kalman.’

“In short,”continued the captain,“I began my service just when your Right Reverence was departing for the place of your exile.

“I was still only a ‘sweeper’ on the long-distance ships of that period.

“Yes ... a long, long time has passed by.

“Everything has undergone change and is changed since then; only our LORD AND SOVEREIGN remains unchanged. The blessings of ‘Amenzano’ on HIS UNCHANGE-ABLENESS throughout Eternity!

“Y ou,yourRightReverence,havecondescendedtoremarkve ry justly that the former ships were very inconvenient and


“Yes, they were then, indeed, very complicated and cumbersome.I too remember them very well.There is an enormous difference between the ships of that time and the ships now.

“In our youth all such ships both for intersystem and for interplanetary communication were still run on the cosmic substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ which is a totality consisting of two separate parts of the omnipresent Okidanokh.

“And it was to obtain this totality that just those numerous materials were necessary which the former ships had to carry.

“But these ships did not remain in use long after you flew from these parts, having soon thereafter been replaced by ships of the system of Saint Venoma.”



The captain continued:

CHAPTER 4 The Law of Falling

“This happened in the year 185, by objective timecalculation.

“Saint Venoma had been taken for his merits from the planet ‘Soort’to the holy planet‘Purgatory,’where,after he had familiarized himself with his new surroundings and

new duties, he gave all his free time to his favorite work.

“And his favorite work was to seek what new phenomena could be found in various combinations of already existing, law-conformable phenomena.

“And sometime later, in the course of these occupations, this Saint Venoma first constated in cosmic laws what later became a famous discovery, and this discovery he first called the ‘Law of Falling.’

“This cosmic law which he then discovered,St.Venoma himself formulated thus:

“‘Everything existing in the World falls to the bottom. And the bottom for any part of the Universe is its nearest “stability,” and this said “stability” is the place or the point upon which all the lines of force arriving from all directions converge.

“‘The centers of all the suns and of all the planets of our Universe are just such points of“stability.”They are the lowest points of those regions of space upon which forces from all directions of the given part of the Universe definitely tend and where they are concentrated. In these points there is also concentrated the equilibrium which enables suns and planets to maintain their position.’

“Inthisformulationofhis,SaintV enomasaidfurtherthatevery thing when dropped into space, wherever it


may be, tends to fall on one or another sun or on one or another planet, according to which sun or planet the given part of space belongs to, where the object is dropped, each sun or planet being for the given sphere the ‘stability’ or bottom.

“Starting from this, Saint Venoma reasoned in his further researches as follows:

“‘If this be so, may it not therefore be possible to employ this cosmic particularity for the locomotion we need between the spaces of the Universe?’

“And from then on, he worked in this direction.

“His further saintly labors showed that although in principle this was in general possible, yet it was impossible fully to employ for this purpose this ‘Law of Falling’ discovered by him. And it would be impossible owing solely to the atmospheres around most of the cosmic concentrations, which atmospheres would hinder the straight falling of the object dropped in space.

“Having constated this, Saint Venoma then devoted his whole attention to discovering some means of overcoming the said atmospheric resistance for ships constructed on the principle of Falling.

“And after three ‘Looniases’ Saint Venoma did find such a possibility, and later on when the building of a suitable special construction had been completed under his direction, he proceeded to practical trials.

“This special construction had the appearance of a large enclosure, all the walls of which were made of a special material something like glass.

“Then to every side of that large enclosure were fitted things like ‘shutters’ of a material impervious to the rays of the cosmic substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ and these shutters, although closely fitted to the walls of the said enclosure, could yet freely slide in every direction.

“Within the enclosure was placed a special ‘battery,’ THE LAW OF FALLING 68

generating and giving this same substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen.’

“I myself, your Right Reverence, was present at the first trials made by Saint Venoma according to the principles he had discovered.

“The whole secret lay in this, that when the rays of ‘Elekilpomagtistzen’were made to pass through this special glass, then in all the space they reached, everything usually composing the atmosphere itself of planets,such as‘air,’every kind of’gas,’ ‘fog,’ and so on, was destroyed. This part of space became indeed absolutely empty and had neither resistance nor pressure, so that, if even an infant-being pushed this enormous structure, it would move forward as easily as a feather.

“To the outer side of this peculiar structure there were attached appliances similar to wings, which were set in

motion by means of this same substance ‘Elekilpomagtistzen,’ and served to give the impetus to move all this enormous construction in the required direction.

“The results of these experiments having been approved and blessed by the Commission of Inspection under the presidency of Archangel Adossia, the construction of a big ship based on these principles was begun.

“The ship was soon ready and commissioned for service. And in a short time, little by little, ships of this type came to be used exclusively, on all the lines of intersystem communication.

“Although later, your Right Reverence, the inconveniences of this system gradually became more and more apparent, nevertheless it continued to displace all the systems that had existed before.

“It cannot be gainsaid that although the ships constructed on this system were ideal in atmosphereless spaces, and moved there almost with the speed of the rays ‘Etzikolnianakhnian’ issuing from planets, yet when nearing


some sun or planet it became real torture for the beings directing them, as a great deal of complicated maneuvering was necessary.

“The need for this maneuvering was due to the same

‘Law of Falling.’

“And this was because when the ship came into the medium of the atmosphere of some sun or planet which it had to pass, it immediately began to fall towards that sun or planet, and as I have already intimated, very much care and considerable knowledge were needed to prevent the ship from falling out of its course.

“While the ships were passing near any sun or planet whatsoever, their speed of locomotion had sometimes to be reduced hundreds of times below their usual rate.

“It was particularly difficult to steer them in those spheres where there was a great aggregation of ‘comets.’

“That is why great demands were then made upon the beings who had to direct these ships, and they were prepared for these duties by beings of very high Reason.

“But in spite of the said drawbacks of the system of Saint Venoma, it gradually, as I have already said, displaced all the previous systems.

“And the ships of this system of Saint Venoma had already existed for twenty-three years when it was first rumored that the Angel Hariton had invented a new type of ship for intersystem and interplanetary communication.”


CHAPTER 5!The System of Archangel Hariton

And indeed, soon after this rumor, practical experiments open to all, again under the superintendence of the Great Archangel Adossia, were made with this new and later very famous invention.

“This new system was unanimously acknowledged to be the best, and very soon it was adopted for general Universal service and thereafter gradually all previous systems were entirely superseded.

“That system of the Great Angel,now Archangel,Hariton is now in use everywhere at the present day.

“The ship on which we are now flying also belongs to this system and its construction is similar to that of all the ships built on the system of the Angel Hariton.

“This system is not very complicated.

“The whole of this great invention consists of only a single ‘cylinder’ shaped like an ordinary barrel.

“The secret of this cylinder lies in the disposition of the materials of which its inner side is made.

“These materials are arranged in a certain order and isolated from each other by means of Amber.’They have such a property that if any cosmic gaseous substance whatever enters the space which they enclose, whether it be ‘atmosphere,’‘air,’‘ether,’ or any other‘totality’of homogeneous cosmic elements,it immediately expands,

owing to the mentioned disposition of materials within the cylinder.

“The bottom of this cylinder-barrel is hermetically sealed, but its lid, although it can be closely shut, yet is so arranged on hinges that at a pressure from within it can be opened and shut again.

“So, your Right Reverence, if this cylinder-barrel is filled with atmosphere, air, or any other such substance,


The System of Archangel Hariton 71

then from the action of the walls of this peculiar cylinderbarrel, these substances expand to such an extent that the interior becomes too small to hold them.

“Striving to find an outlet from this, for them constricted, interior, they naturally press also against the lid of the cylinder-barrel, and thanks to the said hinges the lid opens and, having allowed these expanded substances to escape, immediately closes again. And as in general Nature abhors a vacuum, then simultaneously with the release of the expanded gaseous substances the cylinderbarrel is again filled with fresh substances from outside, with which in their turn the same proceeds as before, and so on without end.

“Thus the substances are always being changed, and the lid of the cylinder-barrel alternately opens and shuts.

“To this same lid there is fixed a very simple lever which moves with the movement of the lid and in turn sets in motion certain also very simple‘cogwheels’which again in their turn revolve the fans attached to the sides and stern of the ship itself.

“Thus, your Right Reverence, in spaces where there is no resistance, contemporary ships like ours simply fall towards the nearest ‘stability’; but in spaces where there are any cosmic substances which offer resistance, these substances, whatever their density, with the aid of this cylinder enable the ship to move in any desired direction.

“It is interesting to remark that the denser the substance is in any given part of the Universe, the better and more strongly the charging and discharging of this cylinderbarrel proceed, and in consequence of course, the force of the movement of the levers is also changed.

“But nevertheless, I repeat, a sphere without atmosphere, that is, a space containing only World Eth-erokrilno, is for contemporary ships also the best, because in such a sphere there is no resistance at all, and the


‘Law of Falling’ can therefore be fully employed in it without any assistance from the work of the cylinder.

“Further than this, the contemporary ships are also good because they contain such possibilities that in atmosphereless spaces an impetus can be given to them in any

direction, and they can fall just where desired without the complicated manipulations necessary in ships of the system of Saint Venoma.

“In short, your Right Reverence, the convenience and simplicity of the contemporary ships are beyond comparison with former ships, which were often both very complicated and at the same time had none of the possibilities of the ships we use now.”


CHAPTER 6 Perpetual Motion

Vv ait! Wait!” Beelzebub interrupted the captain.“This— what you have just told us—must surely be just that short-lived idea which the strange three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth called ‘perpetual motion’ and on account of which at one period a great many of them there went quite, as they themselves say,‘mad,’ and many even perished entirely.

“It once happened there on that ill-fated planet that somebody in some way or another got into his head the, as they say,‘crazy notion’that he could make a‘mechanism’that would run forever without requiring any material from outside.

“This notion so took everybody’s fancy that most of the queer fellows of that peculiar planet began thinking about it and trying to realize this miracle in practice.

“How many of them paid for this short-lived idea with all the material and spiritual welfare which they had previously with great difficulty acquired!

“For one reason or another they were all quite determined to invent what in their opinion was a ‘simple matter.’

“External circumstances permitting, many took up the invention of this ‘perpetual motion’ without any inner data for such work; some from reliance upon their ‘knowledge,’ others upon ‘luck,’ but most of them just from their already complete psychopathy.

“In short, the invention of ‘perpetual motion’ was, as they say, ‘the rage,’ and every crank felt obliged to be interested in this question.

“I was once in one of the towns there where models of every kind and innumerable ‘descriptions’ of proposed


‘mechanisms’ for this ‘perpetual motion’ were assembled.

“What wasn’t there? What ‘ingenious’ and complicated machines did I not see? In any single one of these mechanisms I saw there, there must have been more ideas and ‘wiseacrings’ than in all the laws of World-creation and World-existence.

“I noted at the time that in these innumerable models and descriptions of proposed mechanisms, the idea of using

what is called the ‘force of weight’ predominated. And the idea of employing the ‘force of weight’ they explained thus: a very complicated mechanism was to lift ‘some’ weight and this latter was then to fall and by its fall set the whole mechanism in motion, which motion would again lift the weight, and so on, and so on.

“The result of it all was that thousands were shut up in ‘lunatic asylums,’ thousands more, having made this idea their dream, either began to fail altogether to fulfill even those being-duties of theirs which had somehow or other in the course of many years been established there,or to fulfill them in such a way as‘couldn’t be worse.’

“I don’t know how it would all have ended if some quite demented being there, with one foot already in the grave, such a one as they themselves call an ‘old dotard,’ and who had previously somehow acquired a certain authority, had not proved by ‘calculations’ known only to himself that it was absolutely impossible to invent ‘perpetual motion.’

“Now, after your explanation, I can well understand how the cylinder of the system of Archangel Hariton works. It is the very thing of which these unfortunates there dreamed.

“Indeed,of the‘cylinder’of the system of the Archangel Hariton it can safely be said that, with atmosphere alone given, it will work perpetually without needing the expenditure of any outside materials.

“And since the world without planets and hence without PERPETUAL MOTION 75

atmospheres cannot exist, then it follows that as long as the world exists and, in consequence, atmospheres, the cylinderbarrels invented by the great Archangel Hariton will always work.

“Now just one question occurs to me—about the material from which this cylinder-barrel is made.

“I wish very much, my dear Captain, that you would roughly tell me what materials it is made of and how long they can last,” requested Beelzebub.

To this question of Beelzebub’s the captain replied as follows:

“Although the cylinder-barrel does not last forever, it can certainly last a very long time.

“Its chief part is made of’amber’with‘platinum’hoops,and the interior panels of the walls are made of ‘anthracite,’‘copper,’ and ‘ivory,’ and a very strong ‘mastic’ unaffectable either by (i) ‘paischakir’or by (2)‘tainolair’or by (3)‘saliakooriapa* or even by the radiations of cosmic concentrations.

“But the other parts,”the captain continued,“both the exterior ‘levers’and the‘cogwheels,’must certainly be renewed from time to time, for though they are made of the strongest metal, yet long use will wear them out.

“And as for the body of the ship itself, its long existence can certainly not be guaranteed.”

The captain intended to say still more, but at that moment a sound like the vibrations of a long minor chord of a faroff orchestra of wind instruments resounded through the ship.

With an apology the captain rose to leave, explaining as he did so that he must be needed on very important business, since everybody knew that he was with his Right Reverence and would not venture to trouble the ears of his Right Reverence for anything trifling.

* (i) Cold, (2) heat, and (3) water. BECOMING AWARE OF GENUINE BEING-DUTY


CHAPTER 7!Becoming Aware of Genuine Being-Duty

After the captain had gone, Beelzebub glanced at his grandson and, noticing his unusual state, asked him solicitously and with some anxiety:

“What is the matter, my dear boy? What are you thinking so deeply about?”

Looking up at his Grandfather with eyes full of sorrow, Hassein said thoughtfully:

“I don’t know what is the matter with me, my dear Grandfather, but your talk with the captain of the ship has

brought me to some exceedingly melancholy thoughts.

“Things of which I have never before thought are now athinking in me.

“Thanks to your talk, it has gradually become very clear to my consciousness that in the Universe of our ENDLESSNESS everything has not always been such as I now see and understand.

“Formerly, for instance, I should never have allowed such thoughts associatively to proceed in me, as that this ship on which we are now flying has not always been as it is at this moment.

“Only now have I come very clearly to understand that everything we have at the present time and everything we use—in a word, all the contemporary amenities and everything necessary for our comfort and welfare—have not always existed and did not make their appearance so easily.

“It seems that certain beings in the past have during very long periods labored and suffered very much for this, and endured a great deal which perhaps they even need not have endured.


“They labored and suffered only in order that we might now have all this and use it for our welfare.

“And all this they did, either consciously or

unconsciously, just for us, that is to say, for beings quite unknown and entirely indifferent to them.

“And now not only do we not thank them, but we do not even know a thing about them, but take it all as in the natural order, and neither ponder nor trouble ourselves about this question at all.

“I, for instance, have already existed so many years in the Universe, yet the thought has never even entered my head that perhaps there was a time when everything I see and have did not exist, and that everything was not born with me like my nose.

“And so, my dear and kind Grandfather, now that owing to your conversation with the captain, I have gradually, with all my presence, become aware of all this, there has arisen in me, side by side with this, the need to make clear to my Reason why I personally have all the comforts which I now use, and what obligations I am under for them.

“It is just because of this that at the present moment there proceeds in me a ‘process-of-remorse.’”

Having said this, Hassein drooped his head and became silent; and Beelzebub, looking at him affectionately, began to speak as follows:

“I advise you, my dear Hassein, not to put such questions to yourself yet. Do not be impatient. Only when that period of your existence arrives which is proper for your

becoming aware of such essence-questions, and you actively mentate about them, will you understand what you must do in return.

“Your present age does not yet oblige you to pay for your existence.

“The time of your present age is not given you in which THE CAUSE OF THE DELAY 78

to pay for your existence, but for preparing yourself for the future, for the obligations becoming to a responsible three-brained being.

“So in the meantime, exist as you exist. Only do not forget one thing, namely, at your age it is indispensably necessary that every day, at sunrise, while watching the reflection of its splendor, you bring about a contact between your consciousness and the various unconscious parts of your general presence.Try to make this state last and to convince the unconscious parts—as if they were conscious—that if they hinder your general functioning,they, in the period of your responsible age, not only cannot fulfill the good that befits them, but your general presence of which they are part will not be able to be a good servant of our COMMON ENDLESS CREATOR and by that will not even be worthy to pay for your arising and existence.

“I repeat once more, my dear boy, try in the meantime not to think about these questions, which at your age it is still

early for you to think about. “Everything in its proper time!

“Now ask me to tell you whatever you wish, and I will do so.

“As the captain has not yet returned, he must be occupied there with his duties and will not be coming back so soon.”


The Impudent Brat Hassein, Beelzebub’s Grandson, Dares to Call Men “Slugs”

Hassein immediately sat down at Beelzebub’s feet and coaxingly said:

“Tell me anything you wish,my dear Grandfather.Anything you tell me will be the greatest joy for me, if only because it is you who relate it.”

“No,” objected Beelzebub,“you yourself ask what interests you most of all. It will give me at the present moment much pleasure to tell you about just whatever you particularly wish to know.”

“Dear and kind Grandfather, tell me then something about those ...those ...I forget ...yes,about those‘slugs.’ ”

“What? About what slugs?” asked Beelzebub, not understanding the boy’s question.

“Don’t you remember, Grandfather, that a little while ago, when you spoke about the three-centered beings breeding on the various planets of that solar system where you existed for such a long time, you happened to say that on one planet—I forget how you called it— that on that planet exist three-centered beings who, on the whole, are like us, but whose skin is a little slimier than ours.”

“Ah!” laughed Beelzebub. “You are surely asking about those beings who breed on the planet Earth and who call themselves ‘men.’

“Yes, Grandfather, yes, just that. Tell me about those ‘men-beings,’ a little more in detail. I should like to know more about them,” concluded Hassein.

Then Beelzebub said:“About them I could tell you a great deal, for I often visited that planet and existed

among them for a long time and even made friends with many of those terrestrial three-brained beings.

“Indeed, you will find it very interesting to know more about these beings, for they are very peculiar. i

“There are many things among them which you would 1 not see among any other beings of any other planet of our Universe.

“I know them very well, because their arising, their further development, and their existence during many,

many centuries, by their time calculation, have occurred before my eyes.

“And not only their own arising occurred before my eyes, but even the accomplished formation of the planet itself on which they arise and exist.

“When we first arrived on that solar system and settled on the planet Mars nothing yet existed on that planet Earth, which had not yet even had time to cool off completely after its concentration.

“From the very beginning, this same planet has been the cause of many serious troubles to our ENDLESSNESS.

“If you wish I will tell you first of all about the events of general cosmic character connected with this planet, which were the cause of the said troubles of our ENDLESSNESS.

“Yes,my dear Grandfather,”said Hassein,“tell me first about this. It will surely be quite as interesting as everything you relate.”


CHAPTER 9!The Cause of the Genesis of the Moon Beelzebub began his tale as follows:

“After we arrived on the planet Mars where we were directed to exist, we began slowly to settle down there.

“We were still fully absorbed in the bustle of organizing everything externally necessary for a more or less tolerable existence in the midst of that Nature absolutely foreign to us, when suddenly, on one of the very busiest days, the whole planet Mars was shaken, and a little later such an ‘asphyxiating stink’ arose that at first it seemed that everything in the Universe had been mixed up with something, one might say ‘indescribable.’

“Only after a considerable time had passed and when the said stink had gone, did we recover and gradually make out what had happened.

“We understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon was just that same planet Earth which from time to time approached very near to our planet Mars and which therefore we had possibilities of observing clearly, sometimes even without a ‘Teskooano.’

“For reasons we could not yet comprehend, this planet, it transpired,had‘burst’and two fragments detached from it had flown .off into space.

“I have already told you that this solar system was then still being formed and was not yet ‘blended’ completely with what is called ‘ The-Harmony-of-ReciprocalMaintenance-of-All-CosmicConcentrations.’

“It was subsequently learned that in accordance with this said’ General-Cosmic-Harmony-of-ReciprocalMaintenance-of-AllCosmic-Concentrations’ there had

also to function


in this system a comet of what is called Vast orbit’ still existing and named the comet ‘Kondoor.’

“And just this very comet, although it was then already concentrated, was actualizing its ‘full path’ for only the first time.

“As certain competent Sacred Individuals also later confidentially explained to us, the line of the path of the said comet had to cross the line on which the path of that planet Earth also lay; but as a result of the erroneous calculations of a certain Sacred Individual concerned with the matters of World-creation and World-maintenance, the time of the passing of each of these concentrations through the point of intersection of the lines of their paths coincided, and owing to this error the planet Earth and the comet‘Kondoor’collided,and collided so violently that from this shock, as I have already told you, two large fragments were broken off from the planet Earth and flew into space.

“This shock entailed these serious consequences because on account of the recent arising of this planet, the atmosphere which might have served as a buffer in such a case had not yet had time to be completely formed upon it.

And, my boy, our ENDLESSNESS was also immediately

informed of this general cosmic misfortune.

“In consequence of this report, a whole commission consisting of Angels and Archangels, specialists in the work of World-creation and World-maintenance, under the direction of the Most Great Archangel Sakaki, was immediately sent from the Most Holy Sun Absolute to that solar system ‘Ors.’

“The Most High Commission came to our planet Mars since it was the nearest to the planet Earth and from this planet of ours began its investigations.

“The sacred members of this Most High Commission at once quieted us by saying that the apprehended danger


of a catastrophe on a great cosmic scale had already passed.

“And the Arch-Engineer Archangel Algamatant was good enough to explain to us personally that in all probability what had happened was as follows:

“‘The broken-off fragments of the planet Earth had lost the momentum they received from the shock before they had reached the limit of that part of space which is the sphere of this planet, and hence, according to the “Law of Falling,” these fragments had begun to fall back towards their fundamental piece.

“‘But they could no longer fall upon their fundamental

piece, because in the meantime they had come under the cosmic law called “Law-of-Catching-Up” and were entirely subject to its influence, and they would therefore now make regular elliptic orbits around their fundamental piece, just as the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth, made and makes its orbit around its sun “Ors.”

“‘And so it will always continue, unless some new unforeseen catastrophe on a large scale changes it in one way or another.

“‘Glory to Chance . . .’ concluded His Pantemeasurability, ‘the harmonious general-system movement was not destroyed by all this, and the peaceful existence of that system “Ors” was soon re-established.’

“But nevertheless, my boy, this Most High Commission, having then calculated all the facts at hand, and also all that might happen in the future, came to the conclusion that although the fragments of the planet Earth might maintain themselves for the time being in their existing positions, yet in view of certain so-called ‘Tastartoonarian-displacements’conjectured by the Commission, they might in the future leave their position and bring about a large number of irreparable calamities both for this system ‘Ors’ and for other neighboring solar systems.


“Therefore the Most High Commission decided to take

certain measures to avoid this eventuality.

“And they resolved that the best measure in the given case would be that the fundamental piece, namely, the planet Earth, should constantly send to its detached fragments, for their maintenance, the sacred vibrations ‘askokin.’

“This sacred substance can be formed on planets only when both fundamental cosmic laws operating in them, the sacred ‘Heptaparaparshinokh’ and the sacred ‘Triamazikamno,’ function, as is called,‘Ilnosoparno,’ that is to say, when the said sacred cosmic laws in the given cosmic concentration are deflected independently and also manifest on its surface independently— of course independently only within certain limits.

“And so, my boy, inasmuch as such a cosmic actualization was possible only with the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS, the Great Archangel Sakaki, accompanied by several other sacred members of that Most High Commission, set off immediately to HIS ENDLESSNESS to beseech Him to give the said sanction.

“And afterwards,when the said Sacred Individuals had obtained the sanction of HIS ENDLESSNESS for the actualization of the Ilnosoparnian process on that planet also, and when this process had been actualized under the direction of the same Great Archangel Sakaki, then from that time on, on that planet also, just as on many

others, there began to arise the ‘Corresponding,’ owing to which the said detached fragments exist until now without constituting a menace for a catastrophe on a great scale.

“Of these two fragments, the larger was named ‘Loonderperzo’ and the smaller ‘Anulios’; and the ordinary three-brained beings who afterwards arose and were formed on this planet also at first called them by these names; but the beings of later times called them differently at different


periods, and in most recent times the larger fragment has come to be called Moon, but the name of the smaller has been gradually forgotten.

“As for the beings there now, not only have they no name at all for this smaller fragment, but they do not even suspect its existence.

“It is interesting to notice here that the beings of a continent on that planet called‘Atlantis,’which afterwards perished,still knew of this second fragment of their planet and also called it Anulios,’ but the beings of the last period of the same continent, in whom the results of the consequences of the properties of that organ called‘Kundabuffer’—about which,it now seems,I shall have to explain to you even in great detail—had begun to be crystallized and to become part of their common presences, called it also ‘Kimespai,’ the meaning of

which for them was ‘Never-Allowing-One-to-Sleep-inPeace.’

“Contemporary three-brained beings of this peculiar planet do not know of this former fragment of their planet, chiefly because its comparatively small size and the remoteness of the place of its movement make it quite invisible to their sight, and also because no ‘grandmother’ ever told them that once upon a time any such little satellite of their planet was known.

“And if any of them should by chance see it through their good, but nevertheless child’s toy of theirs called a telescope,he would pay no attention to it, mistaking it simply for a big aerolite.

“The contemporary beings will probably never see it again,since it has become quite proper to their nature to see only unreality.

“Let us give them their due; during recent centuries they have really most artistically mechanized themselves to see nothing real.

“So, my boy, owing to all the aforesaid, there first arose THE CAUSE OF THE GENESIS OF THE MOON 86

on this planet Earth also, as there should, what are called ‘Sirnilitudes-of-the-Whole,’ or as they are also called ‘Microcosmoses,’ and further, there were formed from these ‘Microcosmoses,’ what are called ‘Oduristelnian’ and ‘Polormedekhtic’ vegetations.

“Still further, as also usually occurs, from the same ‘Microcosmoses’ there also began to be grouped various forms of what are called ‘Tetartocosmoses’ of all three brain-systems.

“And among these latter there then first arose just those biped ‘Tetartocosmoses’ whom you a while ago called ‘slugs.’

“About how and why upon planets, during the transition of the fundamental sacred laws into ‘Ilnosoparnian,’ there arise ‘Similitudes-of-the-Whole’ and about what factors contribute to the formation of one or another of these, as they are called,‘systems of being-brains,’ and also about all the laws of World-creation and World-maintenance in general, I will explain to you specially some other time.

“But meanwhile, know that these three-brained beings arising on the planet Earth, who interest you, had in them in the beginning the same possibilities for perfecting the functions for the acquisition of being-Reason as have all other forms of ‘Tetartocosmoses’arising throughout the whole Universe.

“But afterwards, just in the period when they also, as it proceeds on other similar planets of our great Universe, were beginning gradually to be spiritualized by what is called‘being-instinct,’ just then, unfortunately for them, there befell a misfortune which was unforeseen from Above and most grievous for them.”



CHAPTER 10 Why “Men” Are Not Men

Beelzebub sighed deeply and continued to speak as follows:

“After the actualizing on this planet of the ‘Ilnosoparnian’ process, one year, by objective timecalculation, passed.

“During this period there had gradually been coordinated on this planet also the corresponding processes for the involution and evolution of everything arising there.

“And of course there began gradually to be crystallized in the three-brained beings there the corresponding data for the acquisition of objective Reason.

“In short, on this planet also everything had then already begun to proceed in the usual normal order.

“And therefore, my boy, if the Most High Commission under the supreme direction of the same Archangel Sakaki had not, at the end of a year, gone there again, perhaps all the subsequent misunderstandings connected with the three-brained beings arising on that ill-fated planet might not have occurred.

“This second descent of the Most High Commission to that planet was due to the fact that in spite of the measures they had taken, of which I have told you, there had not yet crystallized in the Reasons of the majority of

its sacred members a complete assurance of the impossibility of any undesirable surprise in the future, and they now wished to verify on the spot the results of those measures.

“It was just during this second descent that the Most High Commission decided in any event, if only for the sake of their own reassurance,to actualize certain further special measures,among which was also that measure, the consequences of which have not only gradually turned


into a stupendous terror for the three-brained beings themselves who arise on this ill-fated planet, but have even become, so to say, a malignant sore for the whole of the great Universe.

“You must know that by the time of this second descent of the Most High Commission, there had already gradually been engendered in them—as is proper to three-brained beings—what is called ‘mechanical instinct.’

“The sacred members of this Most High Commission then reasoned that if the said mechanical instinct in these biped threebrained beings of that planet should develop towards the attainment of Objective Reason— as usually occurs everywhere among three-brained beings—then it might quite possibly happen that they would prematurely comprehend the real cause of their arising and existence and make a great deal of trouble; it

might happen that having understood the reason for their arising, namely, that by their existence they should maintain the detached fragments of their planet, and being convinced of this their slavery to circumstances utterly foreign to them, they would be unwilling to continue their existence and would on principle destroy themselves.

“So, my boy, in view of this the Most High Commission then decided among other things provisionally to implant into the common presences of the three-brained beings there a special organ with a property such that, first, they should perceive reality topsy-turvy and, secondly, that every repeated impression from outside should crystallize in them data which would engender factors for evoking in them sensations of ‘pleasure’ and ‘enjoyment.’

“And then, in fact, with the help of the Chief-CommonUniversal-Arch-Chemist-Physicist Angel Looisos, who was also among the members of this Most High Commission, they caused to grow in the three-brained beings there, in a special way, at the base of their spinal column, at the


root of their tail—which they also, at that time, still had, and which part of their common presences furthermore still had its normal exterior expressing the, so to say, ‘full-ness-of-its-innersignificance’— a‘something’whichassistedthearisingofthesaid properties

in them.

“And this ‘something’ they then first called the ‘organ Kundabuffer.’

“Having made this organ grow in the presences of the threebrained beings and having seen that it would work, the Most High Commission consisting of Sacred Individuals headed by the Archangel Sakaki,reassured and with good consciences,returned to the Center, while there, on the planet Earth which has taken your fancy, the action of this astonishing and exceedingly ingenious invention began from the first day to develop, and developed, as the wise Mullah Nassr Eddin would say—’like a Jerichotrumpet-in-crescendo.’

“Now, in order that you may have at least an approximate understanding of the results of the properties of the organ devised and actualized by the incomparable Angel Looisos—blessed be his name to all eternity—it is indispensable that you should know about the various manifestations of the three-brained beings of that planet, not only during the period when this organ Kundabuffer existed in their presences, but also during the later periods when, although this astonishing organ and its properties had been destroyed in them, nevertheless, owing to many causes, the consequences of its properties had begun to be crystallized in their presences.

“But this I will explain to you later.

“Meanwhile you must note that there was still a third descent of that Most High Commission to that planet, three years later according to objective time-calculations, but this time it was under the direction of the MostGreat-Arch-Seraph Sevohtartra, the Most Great Archangel Sakaki


having, in the meantime, become worthy to become the divine Individual he now is, namely, one of the four Quarter-Maintainers of the whole Universe.

“And during just this third descent there, when it was made clear by the thorough investigations of the sacred members of this third Most High Commission that for the maintenance of the existence of those said detached fragments there was no longer any need to continue to actualize the deliberately taken anticipatory measures, then among the other measures there was also destroyed, with the help of the same Arch-Chemist-Physicist Angel Looisos, in the presences of the three-brained beings there, the said organ Kundabuffer with all its astonishing properties.

“But let us return to the tale I began.

“Now listen. When our confusion, caused by the recent catastrophe that had menaced that whole solar system, had passed off, we slowly, after this unexpected interruption, resumed the settlement of our new place on the planet Mars.

“Little by little we all of us made ourselves familiar with the local Nature and adapted ourselves to the existing conditions.

“As I have already said, many of us definitely settled down on the planet Mars; and others, by the ship Occasion which had been put at the disposal of the beings of our tribe for interplanetary communication, either went or prepared to go to exist on other planets of the same solar system.

“But I with my kinsmen and some of my near attendants remained to exist on that planet Mars.

“Yes, I must note that by the time to which my tale refers, my first Teskooano had already been set up in the observatory which I had constructed on the planet Mars and I was just then devoting myself entirely to


the further organization and development of this observatory of mine, for the more detailed observation of the remote concentrations of our great Universe and of the planets of this solar system.

“Among the objects of my observations, then, was also this planet Earth.

“Time passed.

“The process of existence on this planet also began gradually to be established and it seemed, from all

appearances, that the process of existence was proceeding there just as on all other planets.

“But by close observation, first, it could be clearly seen that the numbers of these three-brained beings were gradually increasing and, secondly, it was possible sometimes to observe very strange manifestations of theirs; that is, from time to time they did something which was never done by three-brained beings on other planets, namely, they would suddenly, without rhyme or reason, begin destroying one another’s existence.

“Sometimes this destruction of one another’s existence proceeded there not in one region alone but in several, and would last not just one ‘Dionosk’ but many ‘Dionosks’ and sometimes

evenforwhole‘Ornakras.’ (Dionosksignifies‘day’ ;Ornakras ignifies ‘month.’)

It was sometimes very noticeable also that from this horrible process of theirs their numbers rapidly diminished; but on the other hand, during other periods, when there was a lull in these processes, their numbers also very noticeably increased.

“To this peculiarity of theirs we gradually got used, having explained it to ourselves that obviously, for certain higher considerations,thesepropertiesalsomustdeliberatelyhavebeengive n to the organ Kundabuffer by the Most High Commission; in other words, seeing the fecundity of

these biped beings, we assumed that this had been WHY“MEN”ARE NOT MEN 92

done with aforethought, in view of the necessity that they should exist in such large numbers for the needs of the maintenance of the common-cosmic Harmonious Movement.

“Had it not been for this strange peculiarity of theirs, it would never have entered anybody’s head that there was anything ‘queer’ on that planet.

“During the period to which the aforesaid refers, I visited most of the planets of that solar system, the populated and the as yet unpopulated.

“Personally I liked best of all the three-centered beings breeding on the planet bearing the name Saturn, whose exterior is quite unlike ours, but resembles that of the being-bird raven.

“It is interesting, by the way, to remark that for some reason or other, the form of being-bird raven breeds not only on almost all the planets of this solar system, but also on most of those other planets of the whole of our great Universe upon which beings of various brain systems arise and are coated with planetary bodies of different forms.

“The verbal intercourse of these beings, ravens, of that planet Saturn is something like ours.

“But in regard to their utterance, it is in my opinion the most beautiful of any I have ever heard.

“It can be compared to the singing of our best singers when with all their Being they sing in a minor key.

“And as for their relations with others, they—I don’t even know how to describe them—can be known only by existing among them and by experiencing them oneself.

“All that can be said is that these bird-beings have hearts exactly like those of the angels nearest our ENDLESS MAKER AND CREATOR.

“They exist strictly according to the ninth commandment WHY“MEN”ARE NOT MEN 93

of our CREATOR, namely: ‘Do unto another’s as you would do unto your own.’

“Later, I must certainly tell you much more in detail about those three-brained beings also who arise and exist on the planet Saturn, since one of my real friends during the whole period of my exile in that solar system was a being of just that planet, who had the exterior coating of a raven and whose name was ‘Harharkh.’”



A Piquant Trait of the Peculiar Psyche of Contemporary Man

Now let us return to those three-brained beings arising on

the planet Earth, who have interested you most of all and whom you have called ‘slugs.’

“I shall begin by saying how glad I am that you happen to be a long way from those three-centered beings whom you called by a word so ‘insulting to their dignity’ and that they are not likely ever to hear of it.

“Do you know, you poor thing, you small boy not yet aware of himself, what they would do to you, particularly the contemporary beings there, if they should hear what you called them?

“What they would have done to you if you had been there and if they had got hold of you—I am seized with horror at the very mention of it.

“At best they would have thrashed you so, that as our Mullah Nassr Eddin there says,‘you wouldn’t have recovered your senses before the next crop of birches.’

“In any case, I advise you that, whenever you start anything new, you should always bless Fate and beseech her mercy, that she should always be on guard and prevent the beings of the planet Earth from ever suspecting that you, my beloved and only grandson, dared to call them ‘slugs.’

“You must know that during the time of my observations of them from the planet Mars and during the periods of my existence among them, I studied the psyche of these strange threebrained beings very thoroughly, and so I

already know very well what they would do to anybody who dared to give them such a nickname.


“To be sure, it was only in childish naivete that you called them so; but the three-brained beings of that peculiar planet, especially the contemporary ones, do not discriminate such fine points.

“Who called them,why,and in what circumstances— it’s all one. They have been called by a name they consider insulting—and that’s quite enough.

“Discrimination in such matters is, according to the understanding of most of them, simply, as they express it,‘pouring from the empty into the void.’

“Be that as it may, you were in any case extremely rash to call the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth by such an offensive name; first, because you have made me anxious for you, and secondly, because you have laid up for yourself a menace for the future.

“The position is this: Though, as I have already said, you are a long way off, and they will be unable to get at you to punish you personally, yet nevertheless if they should somehow unexpectedly chance to learn even at twentieth hand how you insulted them, then you could at once be sure of their real ‘anathema,’ and the dimensions of this anathema would depend upon the interests with which they happened to be occupied at the given


“Perhaps it is worth while describing to you how the beings of the Earth would behave if they should happen to learn that you had so insulted them.This description may serve as a very good example for the elucidation of the strangeness of the psyche of these three-brained beings who interest you.

“Provoked by such an incident as your thus insulting them, if

everythingwasrather‘dull’ withthematthegivenmoment,ow ing to the absence of any other similar absurd interest, they would arrange somewhere in a previously chosen place, with previously invited people, all of


course dressed in costumes specially designed for such occasions, what is called a ‘solemn council.’

“First of all, for this ‘solemn council’ of theirs, they would select from among themselves what is called a‘president’and only then would they proceed with their ‘trial.’

“To begin with,they would,as they say there,‘pick you to pieces,’ and not only you, but your father, your grandfather, and perhaps even all the way back to Adam.

“If they should then decide—of course, as always, by a majority of votes—that you are guilty, they would sentence you according to the indications of a code of

laws collated on the basis of former similar ‘puppet plays’ by beings called ‘old fossils.’

“But if they should happen, by a ‘majority of votes’ to find nothing criminal in your action at all—though this very seldom occurs among them—then this whole ‘trial’ of theirs, set out on paper in detail and signed by the whole lot of them, would be dispatched—you would think into the wastepaper basket? Oh, no!—to appropriate specialists; in the given instances to what is called the‘Hierarchy’or‘Holy Synod,’where the same procedure would be repeated; only in this case you would be tried by ‘important’ beings there.

“Only at the very end of this true ‘pouring from the empty into the void’ would they come to the main point, namely, that the accused is out of reach.

“But it is just here that arises the principal danger to your person, namely, that when they are quite certain beyond all doubt that they cannot get hold of you, they will then unanimously decide nothing more nor less than, as I have already said, to ‘anathematize’ you.

“And do you know what that is and how it is done? “No!!“Then listen and shudder.


“The most‘important’beings will decree to all the other beings that in all their appointed establishments, such as what are called ‘churches,’‘chapels,’‘synagogues,’‘town-

halls,’ and so on, special officials shall on special occasions with appointed ceremonies wish for you in thought something like the following:

“That you should lose your horns, or that your hair should turn prematurely gray, or that the food in your stomach should be turned into coffin nails, or that your future wife’s tongue should be three times its size, or that whenever you take a bite of your pet pie it should be turned into ‘soap,’ and so on and so forth in the same strain.

“Do you now understand to what dangers you exposed yourself when you called these remote three-brained freaks ‘slugs’?”

Having finished thus, Beelzebub looked with a smile on his favorite.


CHAPTER 12 The First “Growl”

A little later, Beelzebub began to speak as follows:

“A story I have just recalled, connected with these ‘anathemas’ I have mentioned, may provide very useful material for beginning to comprehend the strangeness of the psyche of the threebrained beings of that planet which has taken your fancy; and furthermore, this story may reassure you a little and give you some hope that if these peculiar terrestrial beings should chance to learn

how you had insulted them and should ‘anathematize’ you, then perhaps after all something ‘not so very bad’ might come of it for you.

“The story I am going to tell you occurred quite recently among the contemporary three-brained beings there, and it arose from the following events:

“In one of these large communities, there peaceably existed an ordinary being who was by profession what is there called a ‘writer.’

“You must here know, that in long-past ages one might still occasionally run across beings of that profession who still invented and wrote something really by themselves; but in these later epochs the ‘writers’ among the beings there, particularly among contemporary beings, have been of those that only copy from many already existing books all kinds of ideas,and by fitting them together make a ‘new book.’

“And they prefer books which have reached them from their very remote ancestors.

“It is necessary to remark that the books written by contemporary‘writers’there are,all taken together,the principal cause that the Reason of all the other threebrained beings is becoming more and more what the


venerable Mullah Nassr Eddin calls ‘stuff and nonsense.’

“And so, my boy:

“The contemporary writer of whom I began to speak was just a ‘writer’ like all the rest there, and nothing particular in himself.

“Once when he had finished some book or other, he began to think what he should write about next, and with this in view, he decided to look for some new ‘idea in the books contained in his what is called library,’such as every writer there is bound to have.

“As he was looking, a book called ‘the Gospels’ happened to fall into his hands.

“‘The Gospels’ is the name given there to a book once written by certain persons called Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John about Jesus Christ, a Messenger from our ENDLESSNESS to that planet.

“This book is widely circulated among those threecentered beings there who nominally exist according to the indications of this Messenger.

“This book having chanced to fall into this writer’s hands, the thought suddenly entered his head:Why should not I also make a ‘Gospel’?

“From investigations I had to make for quite different needs of mine, it turned out that he then further deliberated as follows:

“Am I any worse than those ancient barbarians, Matthew,

Mark, Luke, and Johnnie?

“At least I am more “cultured” than they ever were; and I can write a much better “gospel” for my contemporaries.

“And very decidedly it is necessary to write just a “Gospel” because the contemporary people called“English”and“American” have a great weakness for this book, and the rate of exchange of their pounds and dollars is “not half bad” just now.’


“No sooner said than done.

“And from that very day he ‘wiseacred’ away at his new ‘Gospel.’ But it was only when he had finished it, however, and had given it to the printers, that all the further events connected with this new ‘Gospel’ of his began.

“At any other time, nothing perhaps would have happened, and this new ‘Gospel’ of his would simply have slipped into its niche in the libraries of the bibliomaniacs there, among the multitudes of other books expounding similar ‘truths.’

“But fortunately or unfortunately for this writer,it happened that certain ‘power-possessing’ beings of that great community in which he existed had just been having rotten luck at what is called ‘roulette’ and ‘baccarat’ and they therefore kept on demanding what they called ‘money’ from the ordinary beings of their

community, whereupon, thanks to these inordinate demands for money, the ordinary beings of that community at length awoke from their usual what is called torpor and ‘began-to-sit-up.’

Seeing this, the ‘power-possessing’ beings who remained at home became alarmed and took corresponding ‘measures.’

“And among the ‘measures’ they took was also the immediate destruction from off the face of their planet of everything newly arising in their native land, such as could possibly keep the ordinary beings of their community from resuming their hibernation.

“And it was just at this time that the aforementioned‘Gospel’of this writer appeared.

“In the contents of this new ‘Gospel’ also, the ‘powerpossessing’ beings found something which also to their understanding might keep the ordinary beings of their community from hibernating again; and they therefore decided almost immediately to ‘get rid of both the writer


himself and his ‘Gospel’—because they had now become quite expert in ‘getting rid of these native ‘upstarts’ who did not mind their own business.

“But for certain reasons they could not treat this writer in this way, and so they got excited, and hemmed and hawed about what they should do.

“Some proposed that they should simply shut him up where many ‘rats’ and ‘lice’ breed; others proposed to send him to ‘Timbuktu’; and so on and so forth; but in the end they decided to anathematize this writer together with his ‘Gospel,’ publicly and punctiliously according to all the rules, and moreover with the very same ‘anathema’ with which no doubt they would have anathematized you also if they had learned how you had insulted them.

“And so, my boy, the strangeness of the psyche of the contemporary three-brained beings of this peculiar planet was revealed in the given instance in this, that when this writer and his ‘Gospel’ had been publicly anathematized with this ‘anathema,’ the result for him was, as the highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin once again says: ‘just roses, roses.’

“What occurred was as follows:

“The ordinary beings of the said community, seeing the fuss made about this writer by the power-possessing beings, became very greatly interested in him and avidly bought and read not only this new ‘Gospel’ of his but also all the books he had written before.

“Whereupon, as usually happens with the three-centered beings breeding on this peculiar planet, all the other interests of the beings of the said community gradually died down, and they talked and thought only of this writer.

“And as it also happens—whereas some praised him to the skies, others condemned him; and the result of these discussions and conversations was that the numbers interested in him grew not only among the beings of his own


community but among the beings of other communities also.

“And this occurred because some of the powerpossessing beings of this community, usually with pockets full of money, still continued in their turn to go to other communities where ‘roulette’ and ‘baccarat’ proceeded and, carrying on their discussion there concerning this writer, they gradually infected the beings of other communities also with this affair.

“In short, owing to the strangeness of their psyche, it has gradually come about there that even at the present time, when this writer’s ‘Gospel’ has been long forgotten, his name is known almost everywhere as that of an ‘excellent writer.’

“Anything he writes now, they all seize upon and regard as full of indisputable truth.

“Everybody today looks upon his writings with the same veneration with which the ancient Kalkians there listened to the predictions of their sacred ‘Pythoness.’

“It is interesting to notice here that if at the present time

you ask any being there about this writer, he would know him and of course speak of him as an extraordinary being.

“But if you were then to ask what he wrote, it would turn out that most of them, if of course they confessed the truth, had never read a single one of his books.

“All the same they would talk about him, discuss him, and of course splutteringly insist that he was a being with an ‘extraordinary mind’ and phenomenally well acquainted with the psyche of the beings dwelling on the planet Earth.”



Why in Man’s Reason Fantasy May Be Perceived as Reality

My dear and kind Grandfather, be so kind as to explain to me, if only in a general way, why those beings there are such that they take the ‘ephemeral’ for the Real.”

To this question of his grandson, Beelzebub replied thus:

“It was only during later periods that the threebrained beings of the planet Earth began to have this particularity in their psyche, and just this particularity arose in them only because their predominant part, which was formed in them as in all three-brained beings, gradually allowed other parts of their total presences to perceive every new impression without what is called ‘being-Partkdolg-duty’

but just merely as, in general, such impressions are perceived by the separate independent localizations existing under the name of being-centers present in the three-brained beings, or, as I should say in their language, they believe everything anybody says, and not solely that which they themselves have been able to recognize by their own sane deliberation.

“In general, any new understanding is crystallized in the presence of these strange beings only if Smith speaks of somebody or something in a certain way; and then if Brown says the same, the hearer is quite convinced it is just so and couldn’t possibly be otherwise. Thanks merely to this particularity of their psyche and to the fact that the said writer was much spoken about in the said manner, most of the beings there at the present time are quite convinced that he is indeed a very great psychologist and has an incomparable knowledge of the psyche of the beings of his planet.


“But, as a matter of fact, when I was on that planet for the last time and, having heard of the said writer, once went myself especially to see him, on quite another matter, he was according to my understanding not only like all the other contemporary writers there, that is to say, extremely limited, and as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin would say: ‘able to see no further than his nose,’ but as regards any knowledge of the real psyche of the beings of his planet in real conditions, he might safely even be

called‘totally illiterate.’

“I repeat that the story of this writer is a very characteristic example showing the extent to which, in the threebrained beings who have taken your fancy, particularly in the contemporary ones, the realization of ‘beingPartkdolg-duty’ is absent, and how their own subjective being-convictions formed by their own logical deliberations are never, as in general it is proper to three-brained beings, crystallized in them, but only those are crystallized

which depend exclusively only upon what others say about the given question.

“It was only because they failed to realize ‘being-Partkdolg-duty,’ which realization alone enables a being to become aware of genuine reality, that they saw in the said writer some perfection or other which was not there at all.

“This strange trait of their general psyche, namely, of being satisfied with just what Smith or Brown says, without trying to know more, became rooted in them already long ago, and now they no longer strive at all to know anything cognizable by their own active deliberations alone.

“Concerning all this it must be said that neither the organ Kundabuffer which their ancestors had is to blame, nor its consequences which, owing to a mistake on the part of certain Sacred Individuals, were crystallized in

their ancestors and later began to pass by heredity from generation to generation.

“But they themselves were personally to blame for it, FANTASY MAY BE PERCEIVED AS REALITY 105

and just on account of the abnormal conditions of external ordinary being-existence which they themselves have gradually established and which have gradually formed in their common presence just what has now become their inner ‘Evil-God,’ called ‘Self-Calming.’

“But all this you yourself, later on, will well understand, when I shall have given you, as I have already promised, more information about that planet which has taken your fancy.

“In any case, I strongly advise you to be very careful in the future in your references to the three-brained beings of that planet, not to offend them in any way; otherwise— as they also say there, ‘With what may the Devil not joke?’— they might find out about your insulting them and, to use another of their expressions,‘lay you by the heels.’

“And in the present case there is no harm in recalling again one of the wise sentences of our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin, who says:

‘Struth! What might not happen in this world. A flea might swallow an elephant.’”

Beelzebub intended to say something more, but at that moment a ship’s servant entered and, approaching, handed him an “etherogram” in his name.

When Beelzebub had finished listening to the contents of the said “etherogram” and the ship’s servant had gone, Hassein turned to Beelzebub again with the following words:

“Dear Grandfather, please go on talking about the threecentered beings arising and existing on that interesting planet called Earth.”

Beelzebub having looked at his grandson again with a special smile, and having made a very strange gesture with his head, continued to speak as follows:



The Beginnings of Perspectives Promising Nothing Very Cheerful

1 must tell you first that the three-brained beings on that planet also had in the beginning presences similar to those possessed in general by all what are called ’Keschapmartnian’ three-centered beings arising on all the corresponding planets of the whole of our great Universe; and they also had the same, as it is called, ’duration of existence’ as all the other three-brained beings.

1 “All the various changes in their presences began for the most part after the second misfortune occurred to this planet, during which misfortune the chief continent of that ill-fated planet, then existing under the name ‘Atlantis,’ entered within the planet.

“And from that time on, as little by little they created for themselves all sorts of conditions of external beingexistence thanks to which the quality of their radiations went steadily from bad to worse, Great Nature was compelled gradually to transform their common presences by means of various compromises and changes, in order to regulate the quality of the vibrations which they radiated and which were required chiefly for the preservation of the well-being of the former parts of that planet.

“For the same reason, Great Nature gradually so increased the numbers of the beings there that at the present time they are now breeding on all the lands formed on that planet.

“The exterior forms of their planetary bodies are all made alike, and of course in respect of size and in their other subjective particularities, they are each coated, just as we are, in accordance with the reflection of heredity, with the conditions at the moment of conception and with the other factors that serve in general as the causes


for the arising and formation of every being.

“They also differ among themselves in the color of their skin and in the conformation of their hair, and these latter particularities are determined in their presences, just as they are everywhere else, by the effects of that part of the planetary surface where the given beings arise and where they are formed until they reach the age of responsible beings, or as they say, until they become ‘adult.’

“As regards their general’ psyche itself and its fundamental traits, no matter upon what part of the surface of their planet they arise, these traits in all of them have precisely the same particularities, among them being also that property of the three-brained beings there, thanks to which on that strange planet alone in the whole of the Universe does that horrible process occur among threebrained beings which is called the ‘process of the destruction of each other’s existence,’ or, as it is called on that ill-fated planet,‘war.’

“Besides this chief particularity of their common psyche, there are completely crystallized in them and there unfailingly become a part of their common presences— regardless of where they may arise and exist—functions

which exist under the names ‘egoism,’ ‘self-love,’ Vanity,’ ’pride,’ ‘self-conceit,’ ‘credulity,’ ‘suggestibility,’ and many other properties quite abnormal and quite unbecoming to the essence of any three-brained beings whatsoever.

“Of these abnormal being-particularities, the particularity of their psyche the most terrible for them personally is that which is called ‘suggestibility.’

“About this extremely strange and singular psychic particularity I shall specially explain to you sometime.”

Having said this,Beelzebub was thoughtful,and this time longer than usual, and then, turning again to his grandson, he said:

“I see that the three-brained beings arising and existing THE BEGINNINGS OF PERSPECTIVES 108

on the peculiar planet called Earth interest you very much, and as during our voyage on the ship Karnak we shall have willy-nilly to talk about many things just to pass away the time, I will tell you all I can just about these three-brained beings.

“I think it will be best for your clear understanding of the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained beings arising on the planet Earth if I relate to you my personal descents to that planet in their order, and the events which occurred there during these descents of mine, of which I myself was a witness.

“I personally visited the surface of the planet Earth six times in all, and each of these personal visits of mine was brought about by a different set of circumstances.

“I shall begin with my first descent.”



The First Descent of Beelzebub upon the Planet Earth

“Upon that planet Earth,” Beelzebub began to relate, “I descended for the first time on account of a young being of our tribe who had had the misfortune to become deeply involved with a three-brained being there, as a consequence of which he had got himself mixed up in a very stupid affair.

“There once came to my house on the planet Mars a number of beings of our tribe, also dwelling there on Mars, with the following request:

“They told me that one of their young kinsmen, 350 Martian years before, had migrated to exist on the planet Earth, and that a very disagreeable incident for all of us, his kinsmen, had recently occurred to him there.

“They told me further:

“‘We, his kinsmen, both those existing there on the planet Earth and those existing here on the planet Mars, intended at first to deal with the unpleasant incident ourselves, with our own resources. But notwithstanding all our efforts and the measures we have adopted we have been unable so far to accomplish anything.

“‘And being now finally convinced that we are unable to

settle this unpleasant affair by ourselves independently, we venture to trouble you, your Right Reverence, and urgently beseech you to be so kind as not to withhold from us your wise advice how we may find a way out of our unhappy situation.’

“They told me further in detail in what the misfortune which had befallen them consisted.

“From all they told me I saw that the incident was disagreeable not only for this young being’s kinsmen, butthat it might also prove disagreeable for the beings of all our tribe.

THE FIRST DESCENT OF BEELZEBUB UPON THE 110 “So I could not help deciding at once to undertake to

help them to settle this difficulty of theirs.

“At first I tried to help them while remaining on the planet Mars, but when I became certain that it would be impossible to do anything effective from the planet Mars, I decided to descend to the planet Earth and there, on the spot, to find some way out. The next day after this decision of mine, I took with me everything necessary which I had at hand and flew there on the ship Occasion.

“I may remind you that the ship Occasion was the ship on which all the beings of our tribe were transported to that solar system and, as I have already told you, it was left there for the use of the beings of our tribe for the purpose of interplanetary communication.

“The permanent port of this ship was on the planet Mars; and its supreme direction had been given me from


“Thus it was on this same ship Occasion that I made my first descent to the planet Earth.

“Our ship landed on this first visit of mine, on the shores of just that continent which during the second catastrophe to this planet, disappeared entirely from its surface.

“This continent was called ‘Atlantis’ and most of the three-brained beings, and likewise most of the beings of our tribe, then existed only upon it.

“Having descended, I went straight from the ship Occasion to the city named ‘Samlios,’ situated on the said continent, where that unfortunate being of our tribe, who was the cause of this descent of mine, had the place of his existence.

“The city ‘Samlios’ was then a very large city, and was

the capital of the largest community then on the planet Earth.

“In this same city the head of this large community ex-

THE FIRST DESCENT OF BEELZEBUB UPON THE 111 isted who was called ‘King Appolis.’

“And it was with just this same King Appolis that our

young, inexperienced countryman had become involved.

“And it was in this city of ‘Samlios’ itself that I learned all the details of this affair.

“I learned, namely, that before this incident our unfortunate countryman had for some reason been on friendly terms with this King Appolis, and was often at his house.

“As it transpired, our young countryman once, in the course of conversation during a visit to the house of King Appolis, made a ‘wager’ which was just the cause of all that followed.

“You must first of all know that both the community of which King Appolis was the head and the city of Samlios where he existed were at that period the greatest and richest of all the communities and cities then existing on the Earth.

“For the upkeep of all this wealth and grandeur King Appolis certainly needed both a great deal of what is called ’money’ and a great deal of labor from the ordinary beings of that community.

“It is necessary to premise just here that at the period of my first descent in person onto this planet, the organ Kundabuffer was no longer in the three-brained beings who interest you.

“And it was only in some of the three-brained beings there that various consequences of the properties of that

for them maleficent organ had already begun to be crystallized.

“In the period to which this tale of mine refers, one of the consequences of the properties of this organ which had already become thoroughly crystallized in a number of beings there was that consequence of the property which, while the organ Kundabuffer itself was still functioning in them, had enabled them very easily and


without any ‘remorse-of-conscience’ not to carry out voluntarily any duties taken upon themselves or given them by a superior. But every duty they fulfilled was fulfilled only from the fear and apprehension of ‘threats’ and ‘ ’menaces’ from outside.

“It was in just this same consequence of this property already thoroughly crystallized in some beings of that period there, that the cause of this whole incident lay.

“And so, my boy, this is how it was. King Appolis, who had been extremely conscientious in respect of the duties he had taken upon himself for the maintenance of the greatness of the community entrusted to him, had spared neither his own labor nor wealth, and at the same time he demanded the same from all the beings of his community.

“But, as I have already said, the mentioned consequences of the organ Kundabuffer having by that time been thoroughly crystallized in certain of his subjects, he

had to employ every possible kind of ‘threat’ and ‘menace’ in order to extract from everybody all that was required for the greatness of the community entrusted to him.

“His methods were so varied and at the same time so reasonable that even those of his ‘subjects-beings’ in whom the said consequences had already been crystallized could not help respecting him, although they added to his name, of course behind his back, the nickname ‘Archcunning.’

“And so, my boy, these means by which King Appolis then obtained what was necessary from his subjects for the maintenance of the greatness of the community entrusted to him seemed to our young countryman, for some reason or other, unjust, and, as it was said, he often became very indignant and restless whenever he happened to hear of some new device of King Appolis for getting what was necessary.


“And once, while talking with the King himself, our naive young countryman could not restrain himself, but expressed to his face his indignation and his views of this ’unconscionable’ conduct of King Appolis towards his subjects.

“Not only did King Appolis not fly into a temper, as usually happens on the planet Earth when somebody pokes his nose where he has no business, nor did he pitch

him out by the scruff of his neck, but he even talked it over with him and discussed the reasons for his ‘severity.’

“They talked a great deal and the result of the whole of their conversation was precisely a ‘wager,’ that is to say they made an agreement and set it down on paper, and each of them signed it with his own blood.

“Among other things there was included in this agreement that for the obtaining from his subjects of all that was necessary King Appolis should be obliged to employ thereafter only those measures and means which should

be indicated by our countryman.

“And in the event that all his subjects should fail to contribute all that which according to custom was required, then our countryman would become responsible for everything, and he pledged himself to procure for the treasury of King Appolis as much as was necessary for the maintenance and further aggrandizement of the capital

and of the whole community.

“And so, my boy, King Appolis did indeed, from the very next day, fulfill very honorably the obligation which according to the agreement he had assumed; and he conducted the whole government of the country exactly according to the indications of our young countryman. The results of a government of this kind, however, very soon

proved to be quite the opposite of those expected by our simpleton.

“The subjects of that community—principally, of course, those in whom the said consequences of the prop-


erties of the organ Kundabuffer had already been crystallized—not only ceased to pay into King Appolis’ treasury what was required, but they even began gradually snatching back what had been put in before.

“As our countryman had undertaken to contribute what was needed and, furthermore, had signed his undertaking with his blood—and you know, don’t you, what the voluntary undertaking of an obligation, especially when signed with his blood, means to one of our tribe— he had of course soon to begin making up to the treasury all that was short.

“He first put in everything he had himself, and afterwards everything he could get from his nearests, dwelling also there on the planet Earth. And when he had drained dry his nearests there, he addressed himself for assistance to his nearests dwelling on the planet Mars.

“But soon on the planet Mars also everything ran dry and still the treasury of the city of Samlios demanded more and again more; nor was the end of its needs in sight.

“It was just then that all the kinsmen of this countryman of ours became alarmed and thereupon they decided to

address themselves to me with the request to help them out of their plight.

“So, my boy, when we arrived in the said city I was met by all the beings of our tribe, both old and young, who had remained on that planet.

“In the evening of the same day a general meeting was called to confer together to find some way out of the situation that had arisen.

“To this conference of ours there was also invited King Appolis himself with whom our elder countrymen had already previously had many talks on this matter with this aim in view.

“At this first general conference of ours, King Appolis, addressing himself to all, said as follows:


‘“Impartial friends! “‘I personally am deeply sorry for what has occurredand what has brought about so many troubles for thoseassembled here; and I am distressed in all my being that it is beyond my power to extricate you from your prospec-tive difficulties.

“‘You must know, indeed,’ King Appolis continued, ’that the machinery of the government of my community which has been wound up and organized during many centuries, is at the present time already radically changed; and to revert to the old order is already impossible without serious consequences, namely, without those conse-

quences which must doubtless evoke the indignation of the majority of my subjects. The present situation is such that I alone am not able to abolish what has been created without provoking the mentioned serious consequences, and I therefore beg you all in the name of Justice to help me to deal with it.

‘“Still further,’ he then added, ‘I bitterly reproach myself in the presence of you all, because I also am greatly to blame for all these misfortunes.

“‘And I am to blame because I ought to have foreseen what has occurred, since I have existed in these conditions longer than my opponent and your kinsman, namely, he

with whom I made the agreement known to you.

“‘To tell the truth it was unpardonable of me to risk entering into such conditions with a being who, although he may be of much higher Reason than I, is, nevertheless, not so practiced in such affairs as I am.

‘“Once more I beg all of you, and your Right Reverence in particular, to forgive me and to help me out of this sad

plight, and enable me to find some issue from the situation that has been created.

‘“With things as they now are, I can at present do only what you will indicate.’

“After King Appolis had left, we decided the same


evening to select from among ourselves several experienced elderly beings who should weigh together, that same night, all the data and draw up a rough plan for further action.

“The rest of us then departed on the understanding that we should assemble the ensuing evening at the same place; but to this second conference of ours King Appolis was not invited.

“When we assembled the next day, one of the elder beings, elected the night before, first reported as follows:

“‘We pondered and deliberated the whole night upon all the details of this lamentable event, and as a result we have unanimously come to the conclusion first of all that there is no way out but to revert to the former conditions of government.

‘“Further, we all, and also unanimously, agree that to return to the former order of government must indeed inevitably provoke a revolt of the citizens of the community, and, of course, that there will certainly follow all those consequences of revolt which have already become inevitable in such

circumstances during recent times on Earth.

“‘And of course, as has also become usual here, many of those so-called “power-possessing” beings of this community will suffer terribly, even possibly to the

degree of their complete destruction; and above all, it seemed impossible

that King Appolis could escape such a fate.

“‘Thereafter we deliberated in order, if possible, to devise some means of diverting the said unhappy consequences at least from King Appolis himself.

‘“And we had every wish to devise such a means because at our general conference yesterday evening King Appolis himself was very frank and friendly towards us, and we should all be extremely sorry if he himself should suffer.

“‘During our further prolonged deliberations we came to the conclusion that it would be possible to divert the


blow from King Appolis only if during the said revolt the exhibition of the fury of the rebellious beings of this community was directed not against the King himself but against those around him, that is, those who are there called his “administration.”

“‘But then the question arose among us, would those near the King be willing to take upon themselves the consequences of all this?

“And we came to the categorical conclusion that they certainly would not agree, because they would assuredly consider that the King himself had been alone to blame

for it all, and that therefore he himself should pay for it.

“‘Having come to all these aforesaid conclusions we finally also unanimously decided as follows:

“‘In order at least to save King Appolis from what is inevitably expected, we must with the consent of the King himself replace all the beings in this community who now hold responsible posts, by beings of our tribe, and each of these latter, during the climax of this “psychosis” of the masses, must take upon himself a share of the consequences anticipated.’

“When this elected being of ours had finished his report our opinion was quickly formed, and a unanimous resolution was carried to do just as the elder beings of our tribe had advised.

“And thereupon we first sent one of our elder beings to King Appolis to put our plan before him, to which the latter agreed, once more repeating his promise, namely,

that he would do everything according to our directions.

“We then decided to delay no longer and from the following day to begin to replace all the officials by our own.

“But after two days it turned out that there were not sufficient beings of our tribe dwelling on the planet Earth to replace all the officials of that community; and we therefore immediately sent the Occasion back to the


THE FIRST DESCENT OF BEELZEBUB UPON THE 118 Mars for our beings there.

“And meanwhile King Appolis guided by two of our elder beings, began under different pretexts replacing various officials by our beings, at first in the capital of Samlios itself.

“And when several days later our ship Occasion arrived from the planet Mars with beings of our tribe, similar replacements were made in the provinces also, and soon everywhere in that community what are called the re-

sponsible posts were filled by the beings of our tribe.

“And when all had been changed in this way, King Appolis, always under the guidance of these elder beings of ours, began the restoration of the former code of regulations for the administration of the community.

“Almost from the very first days of the restoration of the old code, the effects upon the general psyche of the beings of that community in whom the consequences of the mentioned property of the maleficent organ Kundabuffer had already been thoroughly crystallized began, as it was expected, to manifest themselves.

“Thus the expected discontent grew thereupon from day to day, until one day, not long after, there occurred just that which has ever since been definitely proper to be present in the presence of the three-brained beings there

of all ensuing periods, and that is, to produce from time to time the process which they themselves nowadays call

’ revolution.’

“And during their revolution of that time, as it has also

become proper there to these three-brained phenomena of our Great Universe, they destroyed a great deal of the property which they had accumulated during centuries, much of what is called the ‘knowledge’ which they had attained during centuries also was destroyed and lost forever, and the existence of those other beings similar to themselves who had already chanced upon the means of freeing themselves from the consequences of the proper-

THE FIRST DESCENT OF BEELZEBUB UPON THE 119 ties of the organ Kundabuffer were also destroyed.

“It is extremely interesting to notice here one exceedingly astonishing and incomprehensible fact.

“And that is that during their later revolutions of this kind, almost all the three-brained beings there or at least the overwhelming majority who begin to fall into such a ’psychosis,’ always destroy for some reason or other the existence of just such other beings like themselves, as have, for some reason or other, chanced to find themselves more or less on the track of the means of becoming free from the crystallization in themselves of the consequences of the properties of that maleficent

organ Kundabuffer which unfortunately their ancestors possessed.

“So, my boy, while the process of this revolution of theirs was running its course, King Appolis himself existed in one of his suburban palaces of the city of Samlios.

“Nobody laid a finger on him, because our beings had arranged by their propaganda that the whole blame should be placed not upon King Appolis but upon those sur-

rounding him, that is, as they are called, his administration.

“Moreover, the beings who had fallen into the said psychosis even ‘suffered grief and really pitied their king, saying that it was because their ‘poor King’ had been surrounded by such unconscionable and ungrateful subordinates that these undesirable revolutions had occurred.

“And when the revolutionary psychosis had quite died down, King Appolis returned to the city of Samlios and again with the help of our elder beings, gradually began replacing our countrymen either by those of his old subordinates who were still alive, or by selecting absolutely

new ones from among his other subjects.

“And when the earlier policy of King Appolis towards his subjects had been re-established, then the citizens of this community resumed filling the treasury with money as

usual and carrying out the directions of their King, and

THE FIRST DESCENT OF BEELZEBUB UPON THE 120 the affairs of the community settled again into the former

already established tempo.

“As for our naive, unfortunate countryman who was the cause of it all, it was so painful to him that he would no longer remain upon that planet that had proved so dis-

astrous for him, but he returned with us to the planet Mars.

“And later on he became there an even excellent bailiff for all the beings of our tribe.”



The Relative Understanding of Time

After a short pause Beelzebub continued thus:

“Before telling you further about the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy and who breed on the planet Earth, it is in my opinion absolutely necessary for you, for a clear representation of the strangeness of their psyche and, in general, for a better understanding of everything concerning this peculiar planet, first of all to have an accurate representation of their time-calculation, and of how the being-sensation of what is called the

’process-of-the-flow-of-time’ in the presences of the threebrained beings of that planet has gradually changed and also of how this process now flows in the presences of the contemporary three-brained beings there.

“It must be made clear to you because only then will you have the possibility clearly to represent to yourself and understand the events there which I have already related and those I shall yet relate.

“You must first know that for the definition of Time, the three-brained beings of that planet take the ‘year’ as the basic unit of their time-calculation, just as we do, and also, like us, they define the duration of their ‘year’ by the time of a certain movement of their planet in relation to another definite cosmic concentration; that is to say, they take that period in the course of which their planet, during its movement—that is, during the processes of ’Falling’ and ‘Catching-up’—makes what is called its ’Krentonalnian-revolution’in relation to its sun.

“It is similar to our reckoning of a ‘year’ for our planet Karatas, which is the period of time between the nearest approach of the sun ‘Samos’ to the sun ‘Selos’ and its next similar approach.

“A hundred of such ‘years’ of theirs, the beings of the Earth call a ‘century.’


“And they divide this ‘year’ of theirs into twelve parts

and each part they call a ‘month.’

“For the definition of the duration of this ‘month’ of theirs, they take the time of that completed period during which that larger fragment—which was separated from their planet and which they now call Moon—makes, owing to the same cosmic law of ‘Falling’ and ‘Catchingup,’ its full ‘Krentonalnian-revolution’ in relation to their planet.

“It must be noticed that the twelve ‘Krentonalnianrevolutions’ of the said Moon do not correspond exactly to a single ‘Krentonalnian-revolution’ of their planet round its sun and therefore they have made some compromise or other when calculating these months of theirs,

so that in the sum total these may correspond more or less to reality.

“Further, they divide these months of theirs into thirty ’diurnities,’ or, as they usually say, ‘days.’

“And a diurnity they reckon as that span of time during which their planet makes its ‘completed-rotation’ during the actualizing of the said cosmic laws.

“Bear in mind, by the way, that they also say ‘it-is-day,’ when in the atmosphere of their planet—just as in general on all the other planets on which, as I have already told you, the cosmic process called ‘Ilnosoparnian’ is actualized—that ‘Trogoautoegocratic’ process which we call ’kshtatsavacht’ periodically proceeds; and they also

call this cosmic phenomenon ‘daylight.’

“As regards the other process, the opposite one, which we call ‘kldatzacht,’ they call it ‘night’ and refer to it as ‘itis-dark.’

“And thus the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth call the greatest period of the flow of time

‘century,’ and this ‘century’ of theirs consists of a hundred ’years’.


“A ‘year’ has twelve ‘months.’

“A ‘month’ has an average of thirty ‘days,’ that is, diurnities.

“Further, they divide their diurnity into twenty-four ’hours’ and an ‘hour’ into sixty ‘minutes.’

“And a ‘minute’ they divide into sixty ‘seconds.’

“But as in general, my boy, you do not yet know of the exceptional peculiarity of this cosmic phenomenon Time, you must first be told that genuine Objective Science formulates this cosmic phenomenon thus:

“Time in itself does not exist; there is only the totality of the results ensuing from all the cosmic phenomena pre-

sent in a given place.

“Time itself, no being can either understand by reason or

sense by any outer or inner being-function. It cannot even be sensed by any gradation of instinct which arises and is present in every more or less independent cosmic concentration.

“It is possible to judge Time only if one compares real cosmic phenomena which proceed in the same place and under the same conditions, where Time is being constated

and considered.

“It is necessary to notice that in the Great Universe all phenomena in general, without exception wherever they arise and manifest, are simply successively lawconformable ‘Fractions’ of some whole phenomenon which has its prime arising on the ‘Most Holy Sun Absolute.’

“And in consequence, all cosmic phenomena, wherever they proceed, have a sense of ‘objectivity.’

“And these successively law-conformable ‘Fractions’ are actualized in every respect, and even in the sense of their involution and evolution, owing to the chief cosmic law,

the sacred ‘Heptaparaparshinokh.’!“Only Time alone has no sense of objectivity because


it is not the result of the fractioning of any definite cosmic phenomena. And it does not issue from anything, but blends always with everything and becomes self-

sufficiently independent; therefore, in the whole of the Universe, it alone can be called and extolled as the ’Ideally-Unique-Subjective-Phenomenon.’

“Thus, my boy, uniquely Time alone, or, as it is sometimes called, the ‘Heropass,’ has no source from which its arising should depend, but like ‘Divine-Love’ flows always, as I have already told you, independently by itself, and blends proportionately with all the phenomena present in the given place and in the given arisings of our Great Universe.

“Again I tell you, you will be able clearly to understand all that I have just told you only when, as I have already promised you, I shall specially explain to you sometime later all about the fundamental laws of World-creation and World-maintenance.

“Meanwhile, remember this also, that since Time has no source of its arising and cannot like all other cosmic phenomena in every cosmic sphere establish its exact presence, the already mentioned Objective Science therefore has, for its examination of Time, a standard unit, similar to that used for an exact definition of the density and quality—in the sense of the vivifyingness their vibrations—of all cosmic substances in general present in every place and in every sphere of our Great Universe.

“And for the definition of Time this standard unit has from long ago been the moment of what is called the sa-


cred ‘Egokoolnatsnarnian-sensation’ which always appears in the Most Holy Cosmic Individuals dwelling on the Most Holy Sun Absolute whenever the vision of our UNI-

BEING ENDLESSNESS is directed into space and directly touches their presences.

“This standard unit has been established in Objective Science for the possibility of exactly defining and com-


paring the differences between the gradations of the processes of the subjective sensations of separate conscious Individuals, and also of what are called ‘diverse-tempos’ among various objective cosmic phenomena which are

manifested in various spheres of our Great Universe and which actualize all cosmic arisings both large and small.

“The chief particularity of the process of the flow of Time in the presence of cosmic arisings of various scales consists in this, that all of them perceive it in the same way and in the same sequence.

“In order that you may meanwhile represent to yourself, if only approximately, what I have just said, let us take as an example the process of the flow of Time proceeding in any drop of the water in that decanter standing there on the table.

“Every drop of water in that decanter is in itself also a whole independent world, a world of ‘Microcosmoses.’

“In that little world, as in other cosmoses, there also arise and exist relatively independent infinitesimal ‘individuals’ or ‘beings.’

“For the beings of that infinitesimal world also, Time flows in the same sequence in which the flow of Time is sensed by all individuals in all other cosmoses. These infinitesimal beings also, like the beings of cosmoses of other ‘scales,’ have their experiences of a definite duration for all their perceptions and manifestations; and, also, like them, they sense the flow of Time by the comparison of the duration of the phenomena around them.

“Exactly like the beings of other cosmoses, they are born, they grow up, they unite and separate for what are called ‘sex-results’ and they also fall sick and suffer, and ultimately like everything existing in which Objective Reason has not become fixed, they are destroyed forever.

“For the entire process of the existence of these infinitesimal beings of this smallest world, Time of a definite


proportionate duration also ensues from all the surrounding phenomena which are manifested in the given

’ cosmic-scale.’

“For them also, Time of definite length is required for the

processes of their arising and formation as well as for various events in the process of their existence up to their complete final destruction.

“In the whole course of the process of existence of the beings of this drop of water also, corresponding sequential definite what are called ‘passages’ of the flow of Time are also required.

“A definite time is required for their joys and for their sorrows, and, in short, for every other kind of indispensable being-experiencing, down to what are called ’runs-of-bad-luck,’ and even to ‘periods-of-thirst-for-self-


“I repeat, among them also, the process of the flow of Time has its harmonious sequence, and this sequence ensues from the totality of all the phenomena surrounding them.

“The duration of the process of the flow of Time is generally perceived and sensed in the same way by all the aforementioned cosmic Individuals and by the already completely formed what are called ‘instinctivized’ units

but only with that difference which ensues from the difference in the presences and states, at the given moment, of these cosmic arisings.

“It must be noticed, however, my boy, that though for separate individuals existing in any independent cosmic

unit, their definition of the flow of Time is not objective

in the general sense, yet nevertheless for them themselves it acquires a sense of objectivity since the flow of Time is perceived by them according to the completeness of their own presence.

“The same drop of water which we have taken as an exTHE RELATIVE UNDERSTANDING OF TIME 127

ample can serve for a clearer understanding of this thought of mine.

“Although in the sense of general Universal Objectivity, the whole period of the process of the flow of Time in that same drop of water is for the whole of it subjective, yet for the beings existing in the drop of water itself, the said given flow of Time is perceived by them as objective.

“For the clarification of this, those beings called ’hypochondriacs’ can serve, who exist among the threebrained beings of the planet Earth which has taken your fancy.

“To these terrestrial hypochondriacs it very often seems that Time passes infinitely slowly and long, and, as they express themselves,‘it-drags-phenomenally-tediously.’

“And so, exactly in the same way, it might also sometimes seem to some of the infinitesimal beings existing in that drop of water—assuming, of course, that there hap-

pen to be such hypochondriacs among them—that Time drags very slowly and ‘phenomenally-tediously.’

“But actually from the point of view of the sensation of the duration of Time by your favorites of the planet Earth, the whole length of the existence of the ‘beingsMicrocosmoses’ lasts only a few of their ‘minutes’ and sometimes even only a few of their ‘seconds.’

“Now, in order that you may still better understand Time and its peculiarities, we may as well compare your age with the corresponding age of a being existing on that planet Earth.

“And for this comparing of ours we too must take the same standard unit of Time, which, as I have already told you, Objective Science employs for such calculations.

“Bear in mind, first of all, that according to the data about which you will also learn when I shall later have specially explained to you the fundamental laws of World-

creation and World-maintenance, it is also established THE RELATIVE UNDERSTANDING OF TIME 128

by the same Objective Science that in general all normal three-brained beings, and amongst them certainly even the beings arising on our planet Karatas, sense the sacred ’Egokoolnatsnarnian’ action for the definition of Time forty-nine times more slowly than the same sacred action is sensed by the sacred Individuals dwelling on the Most Holy Sun Absolute.

“Consequently the process of the flow of Time for the three-brained beings of our Karatas flows forty-nine times more quickly than on the Sun Absolute, and thus it should

flow also for the beings breeding on the planet Earth.

“And it is also calculated that during the period of Time in which the sun ‘Samos’ actualizes its nearest approach to the sun ‘Selos,’ which period of the flow of Time is considered a ‘year’ for the planet Karatas, the planet Earth actualizes in relation to its Sun ‘Ors’ three hundred and

eighty-nine of its‘Krentonalnian-revolutions.’

“From which it follows that our ‘year,’ according to the conventionally objective time-calculation, is three hundred and eighty-nine times longer than that period of Time which your favorites consider and call their year.’

“It may not be without interest for you to know that all these calculations were partly explained to me by the Great Arch-Engineer of the Universe, His Measurability, Archangel Algamatant. MAY HE BE PERFECTED UNTO THE HOLY ANKLAD. . . .

“He explained this to me when, on the occasion of the first great misfortune to this planet Earth, he came to the planet Mars as one of the sacred members of the third Most Great Commission; and the captain of the transspace ship Omnipresent, with whom I had several

friendly talks during that journey, also partly explained it to me during my journey home.

“Now it must be further noticed that you, as a threebrained being who arose on the planet Karatas, are at


the present time still only a boy of twelve years, and in respect of Being and of Reason, you are exactly like a boy of twelve on the planet Earth who has not yet been formed and who is not yet cognizant of himself—through which being-age all the three-brained beings arising there also live during the process of their growing up to the Being of a responsible being.

“All the ‘features’ of the whole of your psyche—what are called your ‘character,’ ‘temperament,’ ‘inclinations,’ and, in short, all the particularities of your psyche which are manifested exteriorly—are exactly the same as those of a still immature and pliant three-brained being there of the age of twelve years.

“And so, it follows from all that has been said that although according to our time-calculations you are still only like a boy of twelve there on the planet Earth who is

not yet formed and not yet cognizant of himself, yet according to their subjective understanding and their beingsensations of the flow of Time, you have already existed by their time-calculation, not twelve years but the whole of four thousand six hundred and sixty-eight years.

“Thanks to all I have said, you will have material for the clarification of certain of those factors which were later the cause that the average proper normal duration of their existence began gradually to diminish and that it has now already become in the objective sense almost ‘nothing.’

“Strictly speaking, this gradual diminution of the average length of the existence of the three-brained beings of that ill-fated planet, which has finally brought the whole of the duration of their existence to ‘nothing,’ did not

have one cause but many and very varied causes.

“And among these many and varied causes the first and the chief one is of course that Nature had to adapt Herself correspondingly gradually to change their presences to those

they now have.!“And concerning all the rest of the causes, Justice de-


mands that I should first of all emphasize that on that illfated planet these causes might never have arisen had that first cause not occurred there, from which, at least in my opinion, they all chiefly ensued, though of course very gradually.

“Concerning all this you will understand in the course of further talks of mine about these three-brained beings, and meanwhile I will tell you only of the first and chief cause, namely, why and how Great Nature Herself was

compelled to take stock of their presences and to form them into such new presences.

“You must first be told that there exist in the Universe generally two ‘kinds’ or two ‘principles’ of the duration of being-existence.

“The first kind or first ‘principle’ of being-existence, which is called ‘Fulasnitamnian,’ is proper to the existence of all three-brained beings arising on any planet of our Great Universe, and the fundamental aim and sense of the existence of these beings is that there must proceed through them the transmutation of cosmic substances necessary for what is called the ‘commoncosmic Trogoautoegocratic-process.’

“And it is according to the second principle of beingexistence that all one-brained and two-brained beings in general exist wherever they may arise. ...

“And the sense and aim of the existence of these beings, also, consist in this, that there are transmuted through them the cosmic substances required not for purposes of a common-cosmic character, but only for that solar system or even only for that planet alone, in which and upon which these one-brained and two-brained beings arise.

“In any case, for the further elucidation of the strangeness of the psyche of those three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, you must know this also, that in the beginning, after the organ Kundabuffer with all its

properties had been removed from their presences, the du-


ration of their existence was according to the ‘Fulasnitamnian’ principle, that is to say, they were obliged to exist until there was coated in them and completely perfected by reason what is called the ‘body-Kesdjan,’ or, as they themselves later began to name this being-part of theirs—of which, by the way, contemporary beings know only by hearsay—the ‘Astral-body.’

“And so, my boy, when later, for reasons of which you will learn in the course of my further tales, they began to exist already excessively abnormally, that is to say, quite

unbecomingly for three-brained beings, and when in consequence of this they had on the one hand ceased to emanate the vibrations required by Nature for the maintenance of the separated fragments of their planet, and, on the other hand, had begun, owing to the chief pe-

culiarity of their strange psyche, to destroy beings of other forms of their planet, thereby gradually diminishing the number of sources required for this purpose, then Nature Herself was compelled gradually to actualize the presences of these three-brained beings according to the second principle, namely, the principle ‘Itoklanoz,’ that is, to actualize them in the same way in which She actualizes onebrained and two-brained beings in order that the equilibrium of the vibrations required according

to quality and quantity should be attained.

“As regards the meaning of the principle ‘Itoklanoz,’ I shall also specially explain it to you sometime.

“And meanwhile remember, that although the fundamental motives for the diminution of the duration of the existence of the three-brained beings of this planet were from causes not depending on them, yet nevertheless, subsequently, the main grounds for all the sad results were—and particularly now continue to be—the abnormal conditions of external ordinary being-existence established by them themselves. Owing to these conditions the duration of their existence has, down to the present time, continued to become shorter and shorter, and now is already dimin-


ished to such a degree that, at the present time, the difference between the duration of the process of the existence of the three-brained beings of other planets in the whole of the Universe and the duration of the process of the existence of the three-brained beings of the planet Earth has become the same as the difference between the real duration of their existence and the duration of the existence of the infinitesimal beings in that drop of water we took as an example.

“You now understand, my boy, that even the Most Great Heropass of Time has also been compelled to actualize obvious absurdities in the presences of these unfortunate

three-brained beings who arise and exist on this ill-fated planet Earth.

“And thanks to all I have just explained to you, you can put yourself in the position of and understand the although merciless, yet always, and in everything, just


Having said these last words Beelzebub became silent; and when he again spoke to his grandson, he said with a heavy sigh:


“Later when I shall have told you more about the threebrained beings of that ill-fated planet Earth, you yourself will understand and form your own opinion about everything.

“You yourself will very well understand that although the fundamental causes of the whole chaos that now reigns on that ill-fated planet Earth were certain ‘unforeseeingnesses,’ coming from Above on the part of various Sacred Individuals, yet nevertheless the chief causes for the developing of further ills are only those abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence which they themselves gradually established and which they continue to establish

down to the present time. THE RELATIVE UNDERSTANDING OF TIME 133

“In any case, my dear boy, when you learn more about these favorites of yours, not only, I repeat, will you clearly see how pitiably small the duration of the existence of these unfortunates has gradually become in comparison with that normal duration of existence which has already long ago been established as a law for every kind of threecentered being of the whole of our Universe, but you will also understand that in these unfortunates, for the same reasons, there has gradually begun to disappear and at the present time are quite absent in them, any normal beingsensations whatever concerning any cosmic phenomenon.

“Although the beings of that ill-fated planet arose, according to conventionally objective time-reckoning, many decades ago, not only have they not as yet any beingsensation of cosmic phenomena such as it is proper to all three-centered beings of the whole of our Universe to have, but there is not in the Reason of these unfortunates even an approximate representation of the genuine causes of these phenomena.

“They have not an approximately correct representation even of those cosmic phenomena that proceed on their own planet round about them.”


CHAPTER 17 The Arch-absurd

According to the Assertion of Beelzebub, Our Sun Neither Lights nor Heats

In order, my dear Hassein, that you should meanwhile have an approximate representation also of just how far that function called ‘the instinctive sensing of reality,’ which is proper to every three-brained being of the whole of our Great Universe, is already entirely lacking in the presences of the three-centered beings breeding on the planet Earth, and especially in those of the most recent periods, it will be enough, to begin with, I think, if I explain to you only about how they under-

stand and explain to themselves the causes why there periodically proceed on their planet those cosmic phenomena which they call ‘daylight,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘heat,’ ’cold,’ and so on.

“All, without exception, of the three-brained beings of that planet who have attained the age of a responsible being, and even those many and various ’wiseacrings’ existing there which they call ‘sciences,’ are categorically certain that all the said phenomena arrive on their planet completely, so to say, ready-made, ‘d-ir-e-c-t-1-y’ from their own Sun . . . and as Mullah Nassr Eddin would say in such cases, ‘no more hokeypokey about it.’ ”What is most peculiar, in this case, is that, except for certain beings who existed before the second Transapalnian perturbation there, absolutely no doubt whatever concerning this certainty of theirs, has ever, as yet, crept

into a single one of them.

“Not only has not a single one of them—having a Reason which, though strange, has nevertheless some resemblance to sane logic—ever yet doubted the causes of thesaid phenomena, but not a single one of them has manifested concerning these cosmic phenomena even that


strange special property of their common psyche, which also became proper to the three-brained beings of that planet alone, and which is called ‘to fantasy.’”

Having said these last words, Beelzebub, after a little while, with a bitter smile, continued to talk as follows:

“You, for instance, have the normal presence of a threebrained being, and within your presence there is intentionally ‘implanted’ from without, ‘Oskiano,’ or as they say there on the Earth, ‘education,’ which is founded on a morality based solely on the commandments and indications of the UNI-BEING HIMSELF and the Most Holy Individuals near to Him. And yet, if you should chance to be there among them, you would be unable to prevent the process in yourself of the ‘beingNerhitrogool,’ that is, the process which, again there on the Earth, is called ‘irrepressible inner laughter’; that is to say, you would not be able to restrain yourself from such laughter, if in some way or another, they were suddenly clearly to sense and understand, without any

doubt whatever, that not only does nothing like ’light,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘heat,’ and so on, come to their planet from their Sun itself, but that their supposed ‘source of heat and light’ is itself almost always freezing cold like the ’hairless-dog’ of our highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin.

“In reality, the surface of their ‘Source-of-Heat,’ like that of all the ordinary suns of our Great Universe, is perhaps more covered with ice than the surface of what they call their‘North Pole.’

“Surely this ‘hearth-of-heat’ itself would rather borrow heat, if only a little, from some other source of ‘cosmicsubstance,’ than send a part of its own heat to any other planet, especially to that planet which, though it belongs

to its system, yet in consequence of the splitting off from it of a whole side, became a ‘lopsided monstrosity’ and is now already a source of ‘offensive-shame’ for that poor system ‘Ors.’


“But do you yourself know, my boy, in general how and why in the atmosphere of certain planets during Trogoautoegocratic processes, there proceed those ‘kshtatzavacht,’’kldazacht,’‘tainolair,’‘paischakir,’ and other such phenomena, which your favorites call ‘daylight,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘cold,’’heat,’ and so on?” Beelzebub asked Hassein.

“If you don’t clearly understand, I shall explain this also to you a little. ”Although I have promised to explain to you, only later,all the fundamental laws of Worldcreation and World-maintenance in detail, yet the necessity has here arisen, totouch upon, if only briefly, the questions concerning these cosmic laws, without waiting for that special talk I promised.

“And this is necessary, in order that you may be able better to take in all that we are now talking about, and also in order that what I have already told you may be transubstantiated in you in the right way.

“It is necessary to say, first of all, that everything in the Universe, both the intentionally created and the later automatically arisen, exists and is maintained exclusively on the basis of what is called the ‘common-cosmic Trogoautoegocratic-process.’

“This Most Great common-cosmic Trogoautoegocraticprocess was actualized by our ENDLESS UNI-BEING, when our Most Great and Most Holy Sun Absolute had already existed, on which our ALL-GRACIOUS ENDLESS CREATOR had and still has the chief place of His existence.

“This system, which maintains everything arisen and existing, was actualized by our ENDLESS CREATOR in order that what is called the ‘exchange of substances’ or the

‘Reciprocal-feeding’ of everything that exists, might proceed in the Universe and thereby that the merciless ’Heropass’ might not have its maleficent effect on the Sun Absolute.

“This same Most Great common-cosmic TrogoautoTHE ARCH-ABSURD 137

egocratic-process is actualized always and in everything on the basis of the two fundamental cosmic laws, the first of which is called the ‘Fundamental-First-degree-SacredHeptaparaparshinokh,’ and the second the ‘FundamentalFirst-degree-Sacred-Triamazikamno.’

“Owing to these two fundamental sacred cosmic laws, there first arise from the substance called ‘Etherokrilno,’ under certain conditions, what are called ‘crystallizations’; and from these crystallizations, but later, and also under certain conditions, there are formed various large and small, more or less independent, cosmic definite formations.

“It is just within and upon these cosmic definite formations that the processes of what are called the involution and evolution of the already formed concentrations and also of the said crystallizations take place—of course also according to the two said fundamental sacred laws— and all the results obtained from those processes in atmospheres, and further, by means of these atmospheres themselves, blend and go for the actualizing of the said ’exchange-of-matters’ for the purposes of the Most Great

common-cosmic Trogoautoegocrat.

“Etherokrilno is that prime-source substance with which the whole Universe is filled, and which is the basis for the arising and maintenance of everything existing.

“Not only is this Etherokrilno the basis for the arising of all cosmic concentrations without exception, both large and small, but also all cosmic phenomena in general proceed during some transformation in this same fundamen-

tal cosmic substance as well as during the processes

of the involution and evolution of various crystallizations—or, as your favorites say, of those active elements— which have obtained and still continue to obtain their prime arising from this same fundamental prime-source cosmic substance.


“Bear in mind, here, that it is just because of this that the mentioned Objective Science says that ‘everything without exception in the Universe is material.’

“You must also know further, that only one cosmic crystallization, existing under the name ‘OmnipresentOkidanokh,’ obtains its prime arising—although it also is crystallized from Etherokrilno—from the three Holy sources of the sacred Theomertmalogos, that is, from the emanation of the Most Holy Sun Absolute.

“Everywhere in the Universe, this ‘Omnipresent-

Okidanokh’ or ‘Omnipresent-Active-Element’ takes part in the formation of all both great and small arisings, and is, in general, the fundamental cause of most of the cosmic phenomena and, in particular, of the phenomena proceeding in the atmospheres.

“In order that you may be able to understand, at least approximately, concerning this Omnipresent-Okidanokh also, I must tell you, first of all, that the second fundamental cosmic law—the Sacred Triamazikamno— consists of three independent forces, that is to say, this sacred law manifests in everything, without exception, and everywhere in the Universe, in three separate independent aspects.

“And these three aspects exist in the Universe under the following denominations:

“The first,under the denomination,the‘Holy-Affirming’; “The second, the ‘Holy-Denying’; and!“The third,the‘Holy-Reconciling.’

“And this is also why, concerning this sacred law and its three independent forces, the said Objective Science has, among its formulations, specially concerning this sa-

cred law, the following: ‘A law which always flows into a consequence and becomes the cause of subsequent consequences, and always functions by three independent and quite opposite characteristic manifestations, latent within


it, in properties neither seen nor sensed.’

“Our sacred Theomertmalogos also, that is, the prime emanation of our Most Holy Sun Absolute, acquires just this same lawfulness at its prime arising; and, during its further actualizations, gives results in accordance with it.

“And so, my boy, the Omnipresent-Okidanokh obtains its prime arising in space outside of the Most Holy Sun Absolute itself, from the blending of these three independent forces into one, and during its further involutions it is correspondingly changed, in respect of what is called the ‘Vivifyingness of Vibrations’ according to its passage

through what are called the ‘Stopinders’ or ‘gravity-

centers’ of the fundamental ‘common-cosmic sacred Heptaparaparshinokh.’

“I repeat, among the number of other already definite cosmic crystallizations, the Omnipresent-Okidanokh unfailingly always participates in both large and small cosmic formations, wherever and under whatever external surrounding conditions they may arise in the Universe.

“This ‘common-cosmic Unique-Crystallization’ or ’Active-Element’ has several peculiarities proper to this element alone, and it is chiefly owing to these peculiarities proper to it that the majority of cosmic phenomena proceed, including, among other things, the said phenomena that take place in the atmosphere of certain planets.

“Of these peculiarities proper to the OmnipresentActive-Element alone, there are several, but it is enough, for the theme of our talk, if we become acquainted just with two of them.

“The first peculiarity is that when a new cosmic unit is being concentrated, then the ‘Omnipresent-ActiveElement’ does not blend, as a whole, with such a new arising, nor is it transformed as a whole in any definite corresponding place—as happens with every other cosmic crystallization in all the said cosmic formations— but im-


mediately on entering as a whole into any cosmic unit, there immediately occurs in it what is called ‘Djartklom,’ that is to say, it is dispersed into the three fundamental sources from which it obtained its prime arising, and only then do these sources, each separately, give the beginning for an independent concentration of three separate corresponding formations within the given cosmic unit. And in this way, this ‘Omnipresent-Active-Element’ actualizes at the outset, in every such new arising, the sources for the possible manifestation of its own sacred law of Triamazikamno.

“It must without fail be noticed also, that in every cosmic formation, the said separated sources, both for the perception and for the further utilization of this property of the ‘Omnipresent-Active-Element’ for the purpose of

the corresponding actualizing, exist and continue to have the possibility of functioning as long as the given cosmic

unit exists.

“And only after the said cosmic unit has been completely destroyed do these holy sources of the sacred Triamazikamno, localized in the ‘ Omnipresent-ActiveElement-Okidanokh,’ reblend and they are again transformed into ‘Okidanokh,’ but having now another quality of Vivifyingness of Vibrations.

“As regards the second peculiarity of the ‘OmnipresentOkidanokh,’ equally proper to it alone, and which it is also necessary for us to elucidate just now for the given theme of our talk, you will be able to understand about that, only if you know something concerning one fundamental cosmic second-degree law, existing in the Universe, under

the denomination of the‘Sacred Aieioiuoa.’

“And this cosmic law is, that there proceeds within every arising large and small, when in direct touch with the emanations either of the Sun Absolute itself or of any other sun, what is called ‘Remorse,’ that is, a process when every part that has arisen from the results of any one Holy


Source of the Sacred Triamazikamno, as it were, ‘revolts’ and ‘criticizes’ the former unbecoming perceptions and

the manifestations at the moment of another part of its whole—a part obtained from the results of another Holy Source of the same fundamental sacred Cosmic Law of Triamazikamno.

“And this sacred process Aieioiuoa or ‘Remorse’ always proceeds with the ‘Omnipresent-Active-Element-Okidanokh’ also.

“The peculiarity of this latter during this sacred process is that while the direct action either of the sacred Theomertmalogos or the emanation of any ordinary sun is round about the whole of its presence, this Active-Element is dispersed into its three prime parts which then exist almost independently, and when the said direct action ceases, these parts blend again and then continue to exist as a whole.

“Here you might as well, I think, be told, by the way, about an interesting fact I noticed, which occurred in the history of their existence concerning the strangeness of the psyche of the ordinary three-brained beings of that planet which has taken your fancy, in respect of what they call their ‘scientific-speculations.’

“And that is, that during the period of my manycenturied observation and study of their psyche I had occasion to constate several times that though ‘science’ appeared among them almost from the very beginning of their arising,and,it may be said,periodically,like everything else there, rose to a more or less high degree

of perfection, and that though during these and other periods, many millions of three-brained beings called there ‘scientists’ must have arisen and been again destroyed, yet with the single exception of a certain Chinese man named ChoonKil-Tez, about whom I shall tell you later in detail, not once has the thought entered the head of a single one of them there that between these two cosmic phenomena

which they call ‘emanation’ and ‘radiation’ there is any THE ARCH-ABSURD 142

difference whatever.

“Not a single one of those ‘sorry-scientists’ has ever thought that the difference between these two cosmic processes is just about the same as that which the highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin once expressed in the following words:

“‘They are as much alike as the beard of the famous English Shakespeare and the no less famous French Armagnac.’

“For the further clarification of the phenomena taking place in the atmospheres and concerning the ‘Omnipresent-Active-Element’ in general, you must know and remember this also, that during the periods when, owing

to the sacred process ‘Aieioiuoa,’ ‘Djartklom’ proceeds in the Okidanokh, then there is temporarily released from it the proportion of the pure—that is, absolutely un-

blended—Etherokrilno which unfailingly enters into all cosmic formations and there serves, as it were, for connecting all the active elements of these formations; and afterwards when its three fundamental parts reblend, then

the said proportion of Etherokrilno is re-established.

“Now, it is necessary to touch also, of course again only briefly, on another question, namely, what relation the ’Omnipresent-Active-Element-Okidanokh’ has to the common presence of beings of every kind, and what are the cosmic results actualized owing to it.

“It is chiefly necessary to touch upon this question because you will then have still another very striking and illuminating fact for the better understanding of the difference between the various brain-systems of beings, namely, the systems called ‘one-brained,’ ‘two-brained,’ and ‘three-brained.’

“Know first that, in general, every such cosmic formation called ‘brain’ receives its formation from those crystallizations the affirming source for whose arising,


according to the sacred Triamazikamno, is one or another of the corresponding holy forces of the fundamental sacred Triamazikamno, localized in the OmnipresentOkidanokh. And the further actualizings of the same holy forces proceed by means of the presences of the beings,

just through those localizations.

“I shall sometime in the future specially explain to you about the process itself of the arising of these corresponding being-brains in the presences of beings, but meanwhile let us talk, though not in detail, about the results the Omnipresent-Okidanokh actualizes by means of these being-brains.

“The Omnipresent-Active-Element-Okidanokh enters into the presences of beings through all the three kinds of being-food.

“And this proceeds because, as I have already told you, this same Okidanokh obligatorily participates in the formation of all kinds of products which serve as all three being-foods and is always contained in the presence of

these products.

“And so, my boy, the chief peculiarity of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, in the given case, is that the process of ‘Djartklom’ proceeds in it within the presence of every being also but not from being in contact with the emanations of any large cosmic concentration; but the factors for this process in the presences of beings are either the results of the conscious processes of ‘Partkdolg-duty’ on the part of the beings themselves—about which processes I shall also explain to you in detail later—or of that process of Great Nature Herself which exists in the Universe under the name ‘Kerkoolnonarnian-

actualization,’ which process means‘The-obtaining-ofthe-required-totality-of-vibrationsbyadaptation.’

“This latter process proceeds in beings absolutely without the participation of their consciousness.


“In both cases when Okidanokh enters into the presence of a being and the process of Djartklom proceeds in it, then each of its fundamental parts blends with those perceptions which correspond with it according to what is called ‘Kindred-vibrations’ and which are present in the being at the moment, and further, these parts are concentrated upon the corresponding localization, that is, upon the corresponding brain.

“And these blendings are called ‘being-Impulsakri.’

“It is necessary to notice further that these localizations or brains in beings serve not only as apparatuses for the transformation of corresponding cosmic substances for the purposes of the Most Great common-cosmic Trogoautoegocrat, but also as the means for beings whereby their conscious self-perfecting is possible.

“This latter aim depends upon the quality of the presence of the ‘being-Impulsakri’ concentrated, or, as is otherwise said, deposited, upon the said corresponding being-brains.

“Concerning the qualities of being-Impulsakri, there is among the direct commandments of our ALL-

EMBRACING ENDLESSNESS even a special commandment, which is very strictly carried out by all three-brained beings of our Great Universe, and which is expressed in the following words: ’Always guard against such perceptions as may soil the purity of your brains.’

“Three-brained beings have the possibility personally to perfect themselves, because in them there are localized three centers of their common presence or three brains, upon which afterwards, when the process of Djartklom proceeds in the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, the three holy forces of the sacred Triamazikamno are deposited and acquire the possibility for their further, this time, independent actualizings.

“Just in this is the point, that the beings having THE ARCH-ABSURD 145

this three-brained system can, by the conscious and intentional fulfilling of being-Partkdolg-duty, utilize from this process of Djartklom in the Omnipresent-

Okidanokh, its three holy forces for their own presences and bring their presences to what is called the ‘Sekronoolanzaknian-state’; that is to say, they can become such individuals as have their own sacred law of Triamazikamno and thereby the possibility of consciously taking in and coating in their common presence all that ’Holy’ which, incidentally, also aids the actualizing of the functioning in these cosmic units of Objective or Divine Reason.

“But the great terror of it, my boy, lies just in this, that although in those three-brained beings who have interested you and who breed on the planet Earth, there arise and are present in them, up to the time of their complete destruction, these three independent localizations or three

being-brains, through which separately all the three holy forces of the sacred Triamazikamno which they might also utilize for their own self-perfecting are transformed and go for further corresponding actualizations, yet, chiefly on account of the irregular conditions of ordinary beingexistence established by them themselves, these possibili-

ties beat their wings in vain.

“It is interesting to note that the said being-brains are found in the same parts of the planetary body of these threebrained beings who arise on the planet Earth as in us, namely:

“i. The brain predetermined by Great Nature for the concentration and further actualizing of the first holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, called the HolyAffirming, is localized and found in the head.

“2. The second brain, which transforms and crystallizes the second holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, namely, the Holy-Denying, is placed in their common presences, also as in us, along the whole of their back in


what is called the ‘spinal column.’

“3. But as regards the place of concentration and source for the further manifestation of the third holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, namely, the Holy-Reconciling— the exterior form of this being-brain in the three-brained beings there bears no resemblance whatever to ours.

“It must be remarked that in the primordial threebrained beings there, this said being-brain was localized in the same part of their planetary body as in us and had an exterior form exactly similar to our own; but for many reasons which you will be able to understand for yourself during the course of my further talks, Great Nature was compelled little by little to regenerate this brain and to give it the form which it now has in the contemporary beings.

“This being-brain in the contemporary three-brained beings there is not localized in one common mass, as is proper to the presences of all the other three-brained beings of our Great Universe, but is localized in parts, according to what is called ‘Specific Functioning,’ and each such part is localized in a different place of their whole planetary body.

“But although, in its exterior form, this being-center of theirs has now variously placed concentrations, neverthelessall its separate functionings are correspondingly connected

with each other, so that the sum total of these scattered parts can function exactly as in general it is proper for it to function.

“They themselves call these separate localizations in their common presence ‘nerve nodes.’

“It is interesting to notice that most of the separate parts of this being-brain are localized in them, just in that place of their planetary body where such a normal beingbrain should be, namely, in the region of their breast, and the totality of these nerve-nodes in their breast, they call


the ‘Solar Plexus.’

“And so, my boy, the process of Djartklom in the Omnipresent-Okidanokh proceeds in the presence of each of these favorites of yours, and in them also, all its three holy forces are blended independently with other cosmic crystallizations, and go for the corresponding actualizations, but as, chiefly owing to the already mentioned abnormal conditions of being-existence gradually established by them themselves, they have entirely ceased to fulfill being-Partkdolg-duty, then, in consequence of this, none of those holy sources of everything existing, with the exception of the denying source alone, is transubstantiated for their own presences.

“The crystallizations arising in their presences from the first and from the third holy forces go almost entirely for

the service only of the common-cosmic Trogoautoegocratic-process, while for the coating of their own presences there are only the crystallizations of the second part of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, namely, of the ‘Holy-Denying’; and hence it is that the majority of them remain with presences consisting of the planetary body alone, and thus are, for themselves, destroyed forever.

“As regards all the peculiarities proper to the omnipresent everywhere-penetrating Active-ElementOkidanokhalone, and also as regards the further results which these

peculiarities actualize, you will have a complete representation of them only after I shall have explained to you in more or less detail, as I have already promised, about the fundamental laws of World-creation and Worldmaintenance.

“But meanwhile I shall tell you about those elucidating experiments concerning this Omnipresent cosmic crystallization at which I was personally present.

“But I must tell you that I was an eyewitness of these THE ARCH-ABSURD 148

said elucidating experiments, not on that planet Earth which has taken your fancy—nor did your favorites make them—but on the planet Saturn where they were made by that three-brained being who during almost the whole period of my exile in that solar system was my real friend,

about whom I recently promised to tell you a little more in detail.”



The Arch-preposterous Beelzebub continued as follows:

“The cause of my first meeting with that three-centered being who subsequently became my essence-friend and by whom I saw the said experiments with the OmnipresentOkidanokh, was as follows.

“That you may better represent to yourself the events of this tale of mine, you must first of all know that at the beginning of my exile to that solar system, certain corre-

sponding essence-friends of mine who had not taken part

in those events from which the causes of my exile had issued, performed concerning my personality that sacred process which exists in the Universe under the name of the ‘Sacred Vznooshlitzval,’ that is to say, concerning my personality there was implanted in the presences of those three-brained beings by means of another sacred process called ‘Askalnooazar,’ that which Objective Science defines by the notion,‘Trust-another-like-yourself.’

“Well, then, just after my arrival in that solar system Ors, when I began visiting its various planets and first descended upon the surface of the planet Saturn, it turned

out in connection with the aforesaid, that one of the beings who had undergone the sacred action of ‘Vznooshlitzval’ regarding my person was what is called there the ’Harahrahroohry’ of all the three-centered beings arising and existing on the planet Saturn.

“On the planet Saturn a being is called the ‘Harahrahroohry’ who is the sole chief over all the other beings on that planet.

“Similar beings-chiefs exist also on all the other planets upon which three-brained beings breed; they are differentlynamed on different planets; and on your planet Earth


such a chief is called a ‘King.’

“The only difference is that while everywhere else, even on all the other planets of the same system, there is one such king for the whole of the given planet, on your peculiar planet Earth there is a separate king for every accidentally segregated group of these favorites of yours and sometimes even several.

“Well, then:

“When I first descended on the surface of the planet Saturn and mingled with the three-centered beings there, it chanced that I had occasion the next day to meet the Harahrahroohry himself of the planet Saturn; and during what is called our ‘Exchange-of-subjective-opinions’ he

invited me to make his own ‘Harhoory,’ that is, his own palace, the chief place of my existence during the whole of my sojourn on their planet.

“And this I did.

“So, my boy, when we were once talking simply according to the flow of what is called ‘being-associativementation,’ and happened to touch on the question, among other things, of the strange results actualized in the manifestations of the particularities of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, the venerable Harahrahroohry of the planet Saturn first mentioned that one of his learned beings-subjects, by name Harharkh, had recently devised for the elucidation of many of the previously unexplained properties of that cosmic substance, an exceedingly interesting appliance which he called a ‘Rhaharahr,’ the chief demonstrating part of which he called a ‘Hrhaharhtzaha.’

“And further, he offered to make, if I wished, the necessary arrangements for showing me all these new inventions

and for giving me every possible explanation of them.

“The result of it all was that the following day, escorted by one of that venerable Harahrahroohry’s court, I went

to the place of existence of that Gornahoor Harharkh THE ARCH-PREPOSTEROUS 151

where I first saw those novel elucidatory experiments

with the Omnipresent-Okidanokh.

“Gornahoor Harharkh, who afterwards, as I have already told you, became my essence-friend, was then considered one of the foremost scientists amqng the ordinary three-brained beings of the whole Universe, and all his constatations as well as the elucidatory apparatuses he had invented were everywhere widespread, and other learned beings on the various planets were using them more and more.

“Here it will do no harm to remark that I also, thanks only to his learning, had later in my observatory on the planet Mars that Teskooano which, when it was finally established, enabled my sight to perceive, or as is said, ’approach-the-visibility’ of remote cosmic concentrations, 7,000,285 times.

“Strictly speaking, it was owing to just this Teskooano that my observatory was afterwards considered one of the best constructions of its kind in the whole Universe; and, most important of all, it was by means of this Teskooano that I myself thereafter could, even while staying at home on the planet Mars, relatively easily see and observe the processes of the existence occurring on the surfaces of those parts of the other planets of that solar system which, in accordance with what is called the ‘common-cosmic Harmonious-Movement,’ could be perceived by beingsight at the given moment.

“When Gornahoor Harharkh was informed who we were

and why we had come, he approached us and forthwith very amiably began his explanations.

“Before beginning his explanations I think it not inadvisable to warn you once and for all that all my conversations with various three-centered beings arising and existingon various planets of that system where I was obliged to exist for the ‘Sins of my youth’—as for instance in the present case, the


conversations with this Gornahoor Harharkh which I am now about to relate to you while we travel on the spaceship Karnak—all proceeded in dialects still quite unknown to you, and sometimes even, by the way, in such dialects the consonances of which were quite ‘indigestible’ for perception by normal beingfunctions assigned for this purpose.

“And so, my boy, in view of all this, I shall not repeat these conversations word for word but shall give you only their sense in our speech, continuing of course to employ those terms and ‘specific-names’ or rather those consonances produced by what are called ‘being-vocal-chords,’ which consonances are used by your favorites of the

planet Earth and which have now become for you, owing to continued repetition during my tales about them, ha-

bitual and easily perceived.

“Yes ... it must be noticed here that the word ‘Gorna-

hoor’ is used by the three-brained beings on the planet Saturn in courtesy; they utter it before the name of one whom they are addressing.

“It is the same with your favorites on the planet Earth. They also have added to the name of every person the word ‘Mister’ or sometimes a whole meaningless phrase expressing the notion for which our honorable Mullah Nassr Eddin has the following sentence:

“And namely he says:

“‘Nevertheless, there’s more reality in it than in the wiseacrings of an “expert” in monkey-business.’

“Well, then, my boy . . .

“When this subsequent essence-friend of mine, Gornahoor Harharkh, was informed of what was required of him, he invited us by a sign to approach one of the special appliances which he had made and which, as it later turned out, was named by him ‘Hrhaharhtzaha.’

“When we were nearer the said special and very strange THE ARCH-PREPOSTEROUS 153

construction, he pointed to it with a particular feather of his right wing and said:

“‘This special appliance is the principal part of the whole of my new invention; and it is just in this that the results are revealed and shown of almost all the peculiarities of the Omnipresent-World-substance-Okidanokh.’

“And, pointing to all the other special appliances also present in the ‘Khrh,’ he added:

“‘I succeeded in obtaining extremely important elucidations concerning the omnipresent and everywhere penetrating Okidanokh, because thanks to all these separate special appliances of my invention, it became possible, first to obtain all three fundamental parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh from every kind of surand intraplanetary process and then artificially to blend them into a whole, and secondly, also artificially to disassociate them and elucidate the specific properties of each part separately in its manifestations.’

“Having said this, he again pointed to the Hrhaharhtzaha and added that by means of the elucidating apparatus, not only can any ordinary being clearly understand the details of the properties of the three absolutely independent parts—which in their manifestations have nothingin common—of the whole ‘Unique-Active-Element,’ theparticularities of which are the chief cause of everything existing in the Universe, but also any ordinary being can become categorically convinced that no results of any kind normally obtained from the processes occurring through this Omnipresent World-substance can ever be perceived by beings or sensed by them; certain being-functions, however, can perceive only those results of the said processes which proceed for some reason or other abnormally, on account of causes coming from without and issuing either from

conscious sources or from accidental mechanical results. ”The part of Gornahoor Harharkh’s new invention which he himself called the Hrhaharht/aha and regarded


as the most important was in appearance very much like the ‘Tirzikiano’ or, as your favorites would say, a ‘hugeelectric-lamp.’

“The interior of this special structure was rather like a smallish room with a door that could be hermetically closed.

“The walls of this original construction were made of a certain transparent material, the appearance of which reminded me of that which on your planet is called

’ glass.’

“As I learned later, the chief particularity of this said transparent material was that, although by means of the organ of sight beings could perceive through it the visibility of every kind of cosmic concentration, yet no rays of any kind, whatever the causes they may have arisen from, could pass through it, either from within out or from without in.

“As I looked at this part of this said astonishing beinginvention, I could through its transparent walls clearly distinguish inside in the center what seemed to be a table and two chairs; hanging above the table, what is called an ’electric-lamp’; and underneath it three ‘things’ exactly

alike, each resembling the ‘Momonodooar.’

“On the table and by the side of it, stood or lay several different apparatuses and instruments unknown to me.

“Later it became clear that the said objects contained in this Hrhaharhtzaha, as well as everything we had later to put on, were made of special materials invented by this Gornahoor Harharkh.

“And as regards these materials also, I shall explain a little more in detail at the proper time in the course of my further explanations concerning Gornahoor Harharkh.

“Meanwhile bear in mind that in the enormous Khrh or workshop of Gornahoor Harharkh there were, besides the already mentioned Hrhaharhtzaha, several other large


independent appliances, and among them two quite special what are called ‘Lifechakans’ which Gornahoor him-

self called‘Krhrrhihirhi.’

“It is interesting to note that your favorites also have something like this ‘Lifechakan’ or ‘Krhrrhihirhi’; and they name such an apparatus a ‘dynamo.’

“There was also there, apart, another independent large appliance, which, as it afterwards appeared, was a ’Soloohnorahoona’ of special construction, or as your favorites would say, a ‘pump-of-complex-construction-forexhausting-atmosphere-to-the-point-of-absolute-vacuum.’

“While I was looking over all this with surprise, Gornahoor Harharkh himself approached the said pump of special construction and with his left wing moved one of

its parts, owing to which a certain mechanism began to work in the pump. He then approached us again and, pointing with the same special feather of his right wing to the largest Lifechakan, or Krhrrhihirhi, or dynamo, fur-

ther continued his explanations.

“He said, ‘By means of this special appliance, there are first “sucked-in” separately from the atmosphere, or from any intraor surplanetary formation, all the three independent parts of the Omnipresent-Active-ElementOkidanokh present in it, and only afterwards when in a certain way these separate independent parts are artificially reblended in the Krhrrhihirhi into a single whole, does the Okidanokh, now in its usual state, flow and is it concentrated there, in that “container”’—saying which, he again with the same special feather pointed to something very much like what is called a ‘generator.’

“‘And then from there,’ he said, ‘Okidanokh flows here into another Krhrrhihirhi or dynamo where it undergoes the process of Djartklom, and each of its separate parts

is concentrated there in those other containers’—and this time he pointed to what resembled ‘accumulators’—’and


only then do I take from the secondary containers, by

means of various artificial appliances, each active part of Okidanokh separately for my elucidatory experiments.

“‘I shall first demonstrate to you,” he continued, ‘one of the results which occur when, for some reason or other, one of the active parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh is absent during the process of their “striving-to-reblend” into a whole.

“‘At the present moment this special construction contains a space which is indeed an absolute vacuum, obtained, it must be said, only owing firstly to the special construction of the suction pump and to the materials of special quality of which the instruments are made, which alone make experiments possible in an absolute vacuum; and secondly, to the properties and the strength of the material of which the walls of this part of my new invention are made.’

“Having said this, he pulled another lever and again continued:

“‘Owing to the pulling of this lever, that process has begun in this vacuum whereby in the separate parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh there proceeds what is called the “striving-to-reblend-into-a-whole.”

“‘But since, intentionally by an “able-Reason”—in the present case myself—the participation of that third part of Okidanokh existing under the name of “Parijrahatnatioose” is artificially excluded from the said

process, then this process proceeds there just now between only two of its parts, namely, between those two independent parts which science names “Anodnatious” and “Cathodnatious.” And in consequence, instead of the obligatory law-conformable results of the said process, that non-law-conformable result is now actualized which exists under the denomination of “theresult-of-theprocess-of-the-reciprocal-destructionof-two-oppositeforces,” or as ordinary beings express it, ”the-cause-ofartificial-light.”


‘“The “striving-to-reblend-into-a-whole” of two active parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh, which is proceeding at the present moment there in this vacuum, has a force, as calculated by objective science, of 3,040,000 what are called “volts,” and this force is indicated by the

needle of that special appliance there.’

“Pointing to a ‘something’ very much like the apparatus existing also on your planet and called there Voltmeter’ he said:

“‘One of the advantages of this new invention of mine for the demonstration of the given phenomenon is that in spite of the unusual power of the process of the “forceof-striving,” now proceeding there, the what are called ”Salnichizinooarnian-momenturn-vibrations,” which most beings consider also to be “rays,” and which ought to be obtained and to issue from this process, do not issue

out of the place of their arising, that is, out of this construction in which the particularities of the OmnipresentOkidanokh are being elucidated.

‘“And in order that the beings who are outside of this part of my invention may nevertheless also have the possibility of elucidating the force of the given process, I intentionally made the composition of the material of the wall in one place such that it has the property of permitting the passage through it of the said “Salnichizinooarnianmomentum-vibrations” or “rays.”’

“Having said this, he approached nearer to the Hrahaharhtzaha and pressed a certain button. The result was that the whole of the enormous Khrh or ‘workshop’ was suddenly so strongly lit up that our organs of sight temporarily ceased to function, and only after a considerable time had passed could we with great difficulty raise our eyelids and look around.

“When we had recovered and Gornahoor Harharkh had pulled still another lever, which resulted in the whole


surrounding space being restored to its former usual appearance, he first, with his customary angel-voice, again drew our attention to the Voltmeter,’ the needle of which constantly indicated the same figure, and then continued:

“‘You see that, although the process of the clash of two opposite component parts of the Omnipresent-

Okidanokh, of the same power of “force-of-striving” still continues, and that the part of the surface of this construction which has the property of admitting the passage of the said “rays” is still open, yet in spite of all this there is no longer the phenomenon which ordinary beings de-

fine by the phrase“the-causes-of-artificial-light.”

‘“And this phenomenon is no longer there, only because by my last pulling of a certain lever, I introduced into the process of the clash of two component parts of Okidanokh, a current of the third independent component part of Okidanokh, which began to blend proportionally with its other

two parts, owing to which the result derived from this kind of blending of the three component parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh—unlike the process of the non-lawconformable blending of its two parts—cannot be perceived by beings with any of their being-functions.’ ”After all these explanations of his, Gornahoor Harharkh then proposed that I should venture to enter with him that demonstrating part itself of his new invention, in order that I might become, there within, an eyewitness of many particular manifestations of the Omnipresent and everythingpenetrating Active-Element.

“Of course, without thinking long about it, I immediately decided and gave him my consent.

“And I immediately decided, chiefly because I expected

to obtain in my being unchangeable and imperishable ’ objective-essence-satisfaction.’

“When this future essence-friend of mine had my consent, he at once gave the necessary orders to one of his assistants.


“It appeared that for the actualization of what he proposed, various preparations had first to be made.

“First of all his assistants put on Gornahoor Harharkh and myself some special, very heavy suits, resembling those which your favorites call ‘diving suits’ but with many small heads of what are called ‘bolts’ projecting, and when these extremely peculiar suits had been put on us, his assistants screwed up the heads of these bolts in a certain order.

“On the inner side of these diving suits, at the ends of the bolts, there were, it appeared, special plates which pressed against parts of our planetary body in a certain way.

“It later also became quite clear to me that this was necessary, in order that there might not occur to our planetary bodies what is called ‘Taranooranura,’ or, as it might otherwise be said, in order that our planetary bodies should not fall to pieces as usually occurs to surand intraplanetary formations of every kind when they happen to come into an entirely atmosphereless space.

“In addition to these special suits, they placed on our heads a ‘something’ resembling what is called a ‘diver’s helmet,’ but with very complicated, what are called ‘connectors’ projecting from them.

“One of these connectors, which was called the ’Harhrinhrarh,’ meaning ‘sustainer-of-the-pulsation,’ was something long, like a rubber tube. One end of it, by means of complicated appliances on the helmet itself, was hermetically attached to the corresponding place of the helmet for the breathing organs, while the other end, after we had already entered that strange Hrhaharhtzaha, was screwed to an apparatus there, which was connected in its turn with the space, the ‘presence’ of which corresponded to the second being-food.

“Between Gornahoor Harharkh and myself there was also a special connector, through which we could easily


communicate with each other while we were inside the Hrhaharhtzaha, from which the atmosphere was pumped out to make a vacuum.

“One end of this connector also, by means of appliances that were on the helmets, was fitted in a certain way to what are called my organs of ‘hearing’ and ‘speech,’ and the other end was fitted to the same organs of Gornahoor


“Thus, by means of this connector between my subse-

quent essence-friend and myself, there was set up, as again your favorites would say, a peculiar ‘telephone.’

“Without this appliance we could not have communicated with each other in any way, chiefly because Gornahoor Harharkh was at that time still a being with a presence perfected only up to the state called the ‘Sacred Inkozarno’; and a being with such a presence not only cannot manifest himself in an absolutely empty space, but he cannot even exist in it, even though the products of all the three being-foods be artificially introduced into him in such a space.

“But the most ‘curious’ and, as it is said, the most ‘cunningly ingenious’ of all the connectors there for various purposes on those strange diving suits and helmets was the connector created by that great scientist Gornahoor Harharkh to enable the ‘organ-of-sight’ of ordinary beings to perceive the visibility of all kinds of surrounding objects in an ‘absolutely-empty-space.’

“One end of this astonishing connector was fitted in a certain way, also by means of appliances on the helmets,

to our temples, while the other end was joined to what is called the ‘Amskomoutator,’ which in its turn was joined in a certain way by means of what are called ‘wires’ to all the objects within the Hrhaharhtzaha as well as to those outside, namely, to those objects whose visibility was needed during the experiments.


“It is very interesting to notice here that to each end of that appliance—a creation almost incredible for ordinary three-centered-being-Reason—two independent connectors, also of wire, were led, and through them, what are called special magnetic currents flowed from outside.

“As it was afterwards explained to me in detail, these connectors and the said special ‘magnetic-currents’ had, it seems, been created by that truly great scientist Gornahoor Harharkh in order that the presences of learned threecentered beings—even those not perfected to the Sacred Inkozarno—might, owing to one property of the ‘magnetic current,’ be ‘reflected’ for their own essences and that, owing to another property of this current, the presence of the mentioned objects might also be ‘reflected,’ so that thereby the perception of the reality of the said objects might be actualized by their imperfect organs of being-sight in a vacuum containing none of these factors or those results of various cosmic concentrations which have received such vibrations, from the actualization of which alone the func-

tioning of any being-organ whatsoever is possible.

“Having fitted upon us the said very heavy appliances for enabling beings to exist in a sphere not corresponding for them, the assistants of this, then still great all-universal sci-

entist Gornahoor Harharkh, with the help again of special

appliances, carried us into the Hrhaharhtzaha itself; and having screwed up all the free ends of the connectors projecting from us to the corresponding apparatuses in the Hrhaharhtzaha itself, went out and hermetically closed

behind them the only way by which it was still possible, if at all, to have any communication with what is called the ‘Everything-representing-one-world.’

“When we were alone in the Hrhaharhtzaha itself, Gornahoor Harharkh, after turning one of what are called ’switches’ there, said:

“‘The work of the “pump” has already begun, and soon THE ARCH-PREPOSTEROUS 162

it will have pumped out all the results here without exception of those cosmic processes, whatever they may be, the totality of the results of which is the basis and significance, as well as the process itself, of the maintenance of the existence of everything existing in the whole of this ”Everything-representing-one-world.”’

“And he added in a half-sarcastic tone: ‘Soon we shall be absolutely isolated from everything existing and functioning in the whole of the Universe; but, on the other hand, owing firstly to my new invention, and secondly to the knowledge we have already attained for ourselves, we have not only now the possibility of returning to the said world, to become again a particle of all that exists, but also we shall soon be worthy to become nonparticipating

eyewitnesses of certain of these World-laws, which for ordinary uninitiated three-centered beings are what they call ”great-inscrutable-mysteries-of-Nature” but which in reality are only natural and very simple results “automaticallyflowing-one-from-the-other.

“While he was speaking, one could feel that this pump— another also very important part of the whole of his new invention—was perfectly actualizing the work assigned to it by this being with Reason.

“To enable you to represent to yourself and understand better the perfection of this part also of the whole of this new invention of Gornahoor Harharkh, I must not fail to tell you also about the following:

“Although I personally, as a three-brained being also,

had had occasion many times before, owing to certain quite particular reasons, to be in atmosphereless spaces and had had to exist, sometimes for a long time, by means of the Sacred ‘Kreemboolazoomara’ alone; and although from frequent repetition, a habit had been acquired in my presence of moving from one sphere to another gradually and almost without feeling any incon-


venience from the change in the presence of the ‘secondbeing-food’ occurring with the change of the presences of cosmic substances undergoing transformation and which

are always around both large and small cosmic concen-

trations; and also, although the causes themselves of my arising and the subsequent process of my being-existence were arranged in an entirely special way, in consequence of which the various being-functions contained within

my common presence had perforce gradually become also special, yet nevertheless, in spite of it all, the pumping out of the atmosphere by the said ‘pump’ then proceeded with such force that such sensations were impressed on the separate parts of the whole of my presence that even today I can very clearly experience the process of the flow of my state at that time and relate it to you almost in detail.

“This extremely strange state began in me shortly after Gornahoor Harharkh had spoken in a half-sarcastic tone about our imminent situation.

“In all my three ‘being-centers’—namely, in the three centers localized in the presence of every three-centered being, and which exist under the names of’Thinking,’ ‘Feeling,’ and ‘Moving’ centers—there began to be perceived separately and independently in each of them in a very strange and unusual way very definite impressions that there was taking place in the separate parts of my whole planetary body an independent process of the sacred ‘Rascooarno,’ and that the cosmic crystallizations which composed the presences of these parts were flowing ‘in vain.

“At first, what is called my ‘initiative-of-constatation’

proceeded in the usual way, that is, according to what is called the ‘center-of-gravity-of-associative-experiencing,’ but later, when this initiative-of-constatation of everything proceeding in me gradually and almost impercepti-


bly became the function of my essence alone, the latter not only became the unique all-embracing initiator of the constating of everything proceeding in me, but also everything, without exception, of that which newly proceeded began to be perceived by and fixed in this essence of mine.

“From the moment that my essence began to perceive impressions directly and to constate independently that, from what was proceeding, there was being entirely destroyed, as it were, in my common presence, firstly, the parts of my planetary body, and then, little by little, also the localizations of the ‘second’ and ‘third’ being-centers. At the same time, a constatation was definitely made that

the functioning of these latter centers passed gradually to my ‘thinking-center’ and became proper to it, with the consequence that the ‘thinking-center,’ with the increasing intensity of its functioning, became the ‘uniquepowerful-perceiver’ of everything actualized outside of itself and the autonomous initiator of the constating of everything proceeding in the whole of my presence as well as outside of it.

“While this strange, and to my Reason then, still in-

comprehensible being-experiencing was proceeding in me, Gornahoor Harharkh himself was occupied in pulling

some ‘levers’ and ‘switches,’ of which there were very many at the edges of the table where we were placed.

“An incident which happened to Gornahoor Harharkh himself changed all this being-experiencing of mine, and The in my common presence the usual ‘inner-beingexperiencing’ was resumed.

“The following is what happened:

“Gornahoor Harharkh, with all those unusual heavy appliances which had been put on him as well, suddenly found himself at a certain height above the chair and


began to flounder, as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin says, ’ like-a-puppy-who-has-fallen-into-a-deep-pond.’

“As it afterwards proved, my friend Gornahoor Harharkh had made a mistake while pulling the mentioned levers and switches and had made certain parts of his planetary body more tense than was necessary. In consequence, his presence together with everything on him had received a shock and also the momentum given by the shock, and, owing to the ‘tempo’ proceeding in his presence from taking in the ‘second-being-food’ and to the absence of any resistance in that absolutely empty space, he began to drift, or, as I have already said, to flounder like a ‘puppy-who-has-fallen-into-a-deep-pond.’”

Having said this with a smile, Beelzebub became silent; a little later he made a very strange gesture with his left hand, and with an intonation not proper to his own voice, he continued:

“While I am gradually recalling and telling you about all this concerning the events of a period of my existence now long since past, the wish arises in me to make a sincere confession to you—just to you, one of my direct heirs who must inevitably represent the sum of all my deeds during the periods of the process of my past beingexistence—and namely, I wish sincerely to confess to you that when my essence, with the participation of the parts of my presence, subject to it alone, had independently decided to take a personal part in those scientific elucidatory experiments with the demonstrating part of the new invention of Gornahoor Harharkh, and I had entered into this demonstrating part without the least compulsion from outside, yet, in spite of it all, my essence allowed to creep into my being and to be developed, side by side with the said strange experiencings, a criminally egoistic

anxiety for the safety of my personal existence. THE ARCH-PREPOSTEROUS 166

“However, my boy, in order that you may not at this moment be too distressed, it is not superfluous to add that this happened in me then for the first and also for the last time during all the periods of my being-existence.

“But perhaps it would be better for the present not to

touch on questions that concern exclusively only our family.

“Let us rather return to the tale I have begun about the Omnipresent-Okidanokh and my essence-friend Gornahoor Harharkh, who was, by the way, at one time considered everywhere among ordinary three-brained beings as a ‘great-scientist,’ and is now, though he still continues to exist, not only considered not ‘great,’ but thanks to his own result, that is to say, to his own son, is what our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin would call a ‘has-been’ or, as he sometimes says in such cases, ‘He-is-already-sitting-inan-


“Well, then, while floundering, Gornahoor Harharkh, with great difficulty, and only by means of a special and very complicated maneuver which he made, finally managed to get his planetary body, burdened with the various unusually heavy appliances, down onto the chair again, and this time he fixed it all with the aid of special screws which were on the chair for that purpose; and when we were both more or less arranged and communication was possible between us by means of the said artificialconnectors, he first drew my attention to those apparatuses hanging over the table which I told you were very much like the Momonodooars.

“On close inspection all these were alike in appearance

and served as three identical ‘sockets,’ from the ends of each of which, ‘carbon-candles’ projected, such as are usually to be found in the apparatuses which your favorites call ‘electric-arc-lamps.’

“Having drawn my attention to these three socket-like THE ARCH-PREPOSTEROUS 167

Momonodooars, he said:

“‘Each of these externally similar apparatuses has a direct connection with those secondary containers which I pointed out to you while we were still outside and in which, after the artificial Djartklom, each of the active parts of Okidanokh collects into a general mass.

“‘I have adapted these three independent apparatuses in such a way that, there in this absolutely empty space, we can obtain from those secondary containers for the required experiment as much as we wish of every active part of Okidanokh in a pure state, and also we can at will change the force of the “striving-to-reblend-into-awhole,” which is acquired in them and which is proper to them according to the degree of density of the concentration of the mass.

“‘And here, within this absolutely empty space, I shall first of all show you that same non-law-conformable phenomenon which we recently observed while we were outside the place where it proceeded. And namely, I shallagain demonstrate to you this World-phenomenon

which occurswhen, after a law-conformable Djartklom, the separateparts of the whole Okidanokh meet in a space outside of alaw-conformable arising and, without the participation ofone part, “strive-to-reblend-into-awhole.”’

“Having said this, he first closed that part of the surface of the Hrhaharhtzaha, the composition of which had the property of allowing ‘rays’ to pass through it; then he pulled two switches and pressed a certain button, as a re-

sult of which the small plate lying on that table, composed of a certain special mastic, automatically moved

toward the mentioned carbon-candles; and then having again drawn my attention to the Ammeter and the Voltmeter, he added: ’”I have again admitted the influx of parts of the Oki-danokh, namely, the Anodnatious and the Cathodnatiousof equal force of“striving-to-reblend.”’


“When I looked at the Ammeter and the Voltmeter and indeed saw that their needles moved and stopped on the same figures I had noticed the first time we were still outside the Hrhaharhtzaha, I was greatly surprised, because in spite of the indications of the needles and the intimation of Gornahoor Harharkh himself, I had neither noticed nor sensed any change in the degree of my perception of the visibility of the surrounding objects.

“So, without waiting for his further explanations, I asked


“‘But why then is there no result from this nonlawconformable “striving-to-reblend-into-a-whole,” of the parts of the Okidanokh?’

“Before replying to this question, he turned off the only lamp, which worked from a special magnetic current. My astonishment increased still more, because in spite of the darkness which instantly ensued, it could clearly be seen through the walls of the Hrhaharhtzaha, that the needles of the Ammeter and Voltmeter still stood in their former places.

“Only after I had somehow got accustomed to such a surprising constatation, Gornahoor Harharkh said:

“‘I have already told you that the composition of the material of which the walls of this construction in which we are at this moment are made, possesses the property of not allowing any vibrations arising from any source whatsoever to pass through it, with the exception of certain vibrations arising from nearby concentrations; and these latter vibrations can be perceived by the organs of sight of three-brained beings, and even then of course, only of normal beings.

“‘Furthermore, according to the law called “Heteratogetar,” the “Salnichizinooarnian-momentum-vibrations” or “rays” acquire the property of acting on the organs of perception of beings only after they have passed a


limit defined by science in the following formula: “theresult-of-the-manifestation-is-proportionate-to-the-force-


“‘And so, as the given process of the clash of the two parts of the Okidanokh has the strength of great power, the result of the clash is manifested much further than the place of its arising.

“‘Now look!’

“Having said this, he pressed some other button, and suddenly the whole interior of the Hrhaharhtzaha was filled with the same blinding light which, as I have already told you, I experienced when I was outside the Hrha-


“It appeared that the said light was obtained because by pressing this button, Gornahoor Harharkh had again opened that part of the wall of the Hrhaharhtzaha which had the property of permitting ‘rays’ to pass through it. ”As he explained further, the light was only a consequence of the result of the ‘striving-to-reblend-into-awhole’ of the parts of Okidanokh proceeding in that absolutely empty space within the Hrhaharhtzaha and manifested owing to what is called ‘reflection’ from outside back to the place of its arising.

“After this he continued as follows:

“‘I shall now demonstrate to you how and by what combinations of the processes of Djartklom and of the striving-to-reblend-into-a-whole of the active parts of Okidanokh, there arise in planets from what are called the ”minerals” which compose their interior presence, definite formations of varying densities, as for instance, “mineraloids,” “gases,” “metalloids,” “metals,” and so on; how these latter are afterwards transformed owing to these same factors one into another; and how the vibrations flowing from these transformations constitute just that ”totality-of-vibrations” which gives the planets them-


selves the possibility of stability in the process called the ”Common-system-harmonious-movement.”

“‘For my proposed demonstrating I must obtain, as I always do, the necessary materials from outside, which my pupils will give me by means of appliances which I have prearranged.’

“It is interesting to remark that while he was speaking, he was at the same time tapping with his left foot on a certain ‘something,’ very much like what your favorites call the famous Morse transmission apparatus—famous be it said, of course, only on the planet Earth.

“And a little later there slowly ascended from the lower

part of the Hrhaharhtzaha a small something like a box, also with transparent walls, within which, as it proved later, were certain minerals, metalloids, metals, and various gases in liquid and solid states.

“Then with the aid of various appliances which were at one side of the table, he first of all, with complicated manipulation, took out from the box some what is called ‘red copper’ and placed it on the mentioned plate, and then


‘“This metal is a definite planetary crystallization and is one of the densities required for the said stability in the process called the Common-system-harmoniousmovement. It is a formation from preceding processes of the action of the parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh; and at the present moment I wish to allow the subsequent transformation of this metal to proceed artificially and acceleratedly by means of the peculiarities of the same factors.

“‘I wish to aid artificially the evolution and involution of its elements towards a greater density, or, on the contrary, towards their transformation back to a primal state.

“‘To make the picture of the further elucidatory experiments clearer to you, I find I must first inform you, even if only briefly, of my first personal scientific deductions


concerning the evidence of the causes and conditions ow-

ing to which there proceeds in the planets themselves the crystallizing of separate parts of the Okidanokh in these

or the other said definite formations.

“‘Evidently first of all from any non-law-conformable Djartklom of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh which is in the presence of every planet, its separate parts are localized in the medium of that part of the presence of the planet, that is to say, in that mineral which was at the given moment in the place where the said non-law-conformable Djartklom occurred.

‘“And so if what is called the “vibration-of-the-densityof-the-elements-of-the-said-medium” has an “affinityofvibration” with the said active part of the OmnipresentOkidanokh, then according to the Worldlaw called “Symmetrical-entering,” this active part blends with the presence of the said medium and becomes an inseparable part of it. And from that moment, the given parts of the Omnipresent-Okidanokh begin, together with the said elements of the said medium, to represent the corresponding densities required in planets, that is to say, various kinds of metalloids or even metals, as for instance, the metal I have placed in this sphere, and in which there will proceed artificially at this moment, at my wish, the action of striving-to-reblend-into-a-whole of the parts of the Okidanokh, and which metal, as I have already said, exists under the name of red-copper.

“And further, having arisen in the planets in this way, the

said various metalloids and metals then begin according to the common-universal-law called “Reciprocal-feedingof-everything-existing”—as it is generally proper to arisings of every kind in which Okidanokh or any of its active parts participates—to radiate from their presences the results of their inner “Interchange-of-substances.” And as is proper to radiations of every kind issuing from surand intraplanetary formations that have acquired in their vi-


brations the property of Okidanokh or of its active parts, and which are in what is called the “center-of-gravity” of every such said formation, the radiations of these metalloids and metals possess properties almost similar to the

properties of Okidanokh itself or of one or another of its active parts.

“‘When the said masses of different densities that have thus arisen in planets under normal surrounding conditions radiate from their common presences the vibrations required for the said World-law of Reciprocal-feedingof-everything-existing, then, among these vibrations of various properties there is established, owing to the funda-

mental World-law “Troemedekhfe,” a reciprocally acting contact.

“‘And the result of this contact is the chief factor in the

gradual change of the various densities in planets.

“‘My observations over many years have almost fully convinced me that it is owing only to the said contact and its results that there is actualized the “Stability-ofharmonious-equilibrium-of-planets.” ”’This metal redcopper which I have placed in thesphere of my proposed artificial actualization of the actionof the active parts of Okidanokh, has at this moment what is called a “specificdensity,” reckoning from the unitof density of the sacred element Theomertmalogos, of 444, that is to say, the atom of this metal was 444 timesmore dense, and as much less vivifying, than the atom ofthe sacred Theomertmalogos.

‘“Now see in what order its artificially accelerated transformations will proceed.’

“Having said this, he first fixed before my organ of sight the automatically moving Teskooano and then turned on and off various switches in a certain sequence; and as I looked through the Teskooano he explained to me as follows:


“‘At this moment I admit the “influx” of all three parts of Okidanokh into the sphere containing this metal; and as all three parts have the same “density” and, hence, the same “force-of-striving,” they reblend into a whole in this sphere without changing anything in the presence of the metal; and the Omnipresent-Okidanokh thus obtained

flows in its usual state through a special connection out of the Hrhaharhtzaha and is reconcentrated in the first container which you have already seen.

“‘Now look!

“‘I deliberately increase the force-of-striving of only one of the active parts of the Okidanokh; for example, I increase the force called Cathodnatious. In consequence of this, you see that the elements composing the presence of that red copper begin to involve towards the quality of the substances that compose the ordinary presences of planets.’

“As he explained this, he at the same time turned on and off various switches in a certain sequence.

“Although, my boy, I then looked very attentively at everything proceeding, and everything I saw was impressed in my essence ‘Pestolnootiarly,’ that is, forever, yet nevertheless, not even with my best wish could I now describe to you in words a hundredth part of what then pro-

ceeded in that small fragment of a definite intraplanetary formation.

“And I will not try to put into words for you what I then saw, because I have just thought of a possibility of soon actually showing it all to you when you also can be an eyewitness of so strange and astonishing a cosmic process.

“But I will tell you meanwhile that there proceeded in that fragment of red copper something rather like those terrifying pictures which I occasionally observed among your favorites on the planet Earth through my Teskooano


“I said ‘rather-like’ because what occasionally proceeded among your favorites had a visibility only possible of observation at its beginning, whereas in the fragment

of red copper the visibility was continuous until the final completion of transformation.

“A rough parallel can be drawn between the occasional proceedings on your planet and the proceedings then in that small fragment of copper, if you imagine yourself high up and looking down upon a large public square, where thousands of your favorites, seized with the most intense form of their chief psychosis, are destroying each other’s existence by all kinds of means invented by them themselves, and that in their places there immediately appear what are called their ‘corpses,’ which owing to the outrages done to them by the beings who are not yet destroyed, change color very perceptibly, as a result of which the general visibility of the surface of the said large square is gradually changed.

“Then, my boy, this subsequent essence-friend of mine,

Gornahoor Harharkh, by means of switching on and off the influx of the three active parts of Okidanokh and changing their force-of-striving, also changed the density of the elements of the said metal and thereby transformed the red copper into all the other also definite intraplanetary metals of lower or higher degree of vivifyingness.

“And here, for the elucidation of the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained beings who have taken your


fancy, it is very important and interesting to note that while Gornahoor Harharkh was, with the aid of his new invention, artificially and deliberately producing the evolution and involution of the density and vivifyingness of the elements of red copper, I noticed very clearly that this metal was transformed once upon the said plate into just that same definite metal about which the sorry-savants of your planet have been wiseacring during nearly the whole of their arising and existing, in the hope of transforming other metals into this metal, and thus constantly leading astray their already sufficiently erring brethren.

“This metal is called there—’gold.’

“Gold is no other than the metal we call ‘Prtzathalavr,’ the specific weight of which, reckoning from the element of the sacred Theomertmalogos, is 1439; that is to say, its element is three and a fraction times less vivifying than the element of the metal red copper.

“Why I suddenly decided not to try to explain to you in detail in words all that then took place in the fragment of the said red copper, in view of my suggestion of the possibility of soon actually showing you in definite intraplanetary formations the processes of various combinations of the manifestations of the active parts of Okidanokh, was because I suddenly remembered the allgracious promise given me by our All-QuartersMaintainer, the Most Great Archcherub, Peshtvogner.

“And this all-gracious promise was given me, as soon as I returned from exile and had to present myself first of all to His All-Quarters-Maintainer, the Archcherub Peshtvogner, and prostrated myself to produce before him what is called the ‘Essence-Sacred-Aliamizoornakalu.’

“This I had to do on account of the same sins of my youth. And I was obliged to do so, because when I was pardoned by HIS UNI-BEING ENDLESSNESS and allowed to return to my native land, certain Sacred Individuals decided


to demand of me, for any eventuality, to have performed over my essence this sacred process in order that I might not manifest myself as in the days of my youth, and that the same might not thereby occur again in the Reason of most individuals dwelling here at the center of the Great Universe.

“You probably do not know yet what the Sacred-

Aliamizoornakalu over an essence means? I shall later explain it to you in detail but meanwhile I shall simply use the words of our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin who explains this process as ‘giving-one’s-word-of-honor-notto-pokeone’s-nose-into-the-affairs-of-the-authorities.’

“In short, when I presented myself to His All-QuartersMaintainer, he deigned to ask me, among other things, whether I had taken with me all the being-productions which had interested me and which I had collected from various planets of that solar system where I existed during my exile.

“I replied that I had taken almost everything, except those cumbersome apparatuses which my friend Gornahoor Harharkh had constructed for me on the planet Mars.

“He at once promised to give orders that everything I should indicate should be taken at the first opportunity on the next trip of the space-ship Omnipresent.

“That is why, my boy, I hope that everything necessary will be brought to our planet Karatas so that, when we return there, you will be able to see it all with your own eyes, and I shall be able to explain everything in detail, practically.

“And meanwhile, during our traveling here on the spaceship Karnak, I shall, as I have already promised you, tell you in their order about my descents there to your planet and also about the causes of what is called my

’appearances-there-in-person.’” BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH



Beelzebub’s Tales About His Second Descent onto the Planet Earth

Beelzebub began thus:

“I descended upon your planet Earth for the second time only eleven of their centuries after my first descent there.

“Shortly after my first descent onto the surface of that planet, the second serious catastrophe occurred to it; but this catastrophe was local in character and did not threaten disaster on a large cosmic scale.

“During this second serious catastrophe to that planet, the continent Atlantis, which had been the largest continent and the chief place of the being-existence of the threebrained beings of that planet during the period of my first descent, was engulfed together with other large and small terra firmas within the planet with all the threebrained beings existing upon it, and also with almost all that they had attained and acquired during many of their preceding centuries.

“In their place there then emerged from within the planet other terra firmas which formed other continents and islands, most of which still exist.

“It was just on the said continent of Atlantis that the city

of Samlios was situated, where, do you remember, I once told you that young countryman of ours existed, on whose account my first ‘Descent-in-person’ took place.

“During the mentioned second great disaster to that planet, many of the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy survived owing to many and various events, and their now already excessively multiplied posterity descended just from them.

“By the time of my second Descent-in-person, they had

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 178 already multiplied so greatly that they were breeding again

upon almost all the newly formed terra firmas.

“And as regards the question of just which causes, ensuing according to law, brought about this excessive multiplication of theirs, you will understand this also in the course of my further tales.

“You might as well, I think, notice here in connection with this terrestrial catastrophe, something about the three-brained beings of our own tribe; namely, why all the beings of our tribe existing on that planet during the mentioned catastrophe escaped the inevitable what is called Apocalyptic-end.’

“They escaped it for the following reasons:

“I told you once, in the course of our previous talks, that most of those beings of our tribe who had chosen this

planet of yours as their place of existence, existed during my first descent chiefly on the continent of Atlantis.

“It appears that a year before the said catastrophe, our, as she is called, ‘Party-Pythoness’ there, when prophesying, asked us all to leave the continent of Atlantis and migrate toanother small continent not very far away, where we were toexist on that definite part of its surface she indicated.

“This small continent was then called ‘Grabontzi’ and the part the Pythoness indicated did indeed escape the terrifying perturbation which then occurred to all the other parts of the common presence of that ill-fated planet.

“In consequence of the said perturbation, this small continent Grabontzi, which exists until now under the name of Africa,’ became much larger, because other terra firmas which emerged from the water spaces of the planet were added to it.

“So, my boy, the Party-Pythoness there was able to warn those beings of our tribe who had been obliged to

exist on that planet, and thereby to save them, as I have BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 179

already told you, from the inevitable ‘Apocalyptic-fate,’ owing only to one special being-property which, by the way, can be acquired by beings only intentionally, by means of what is called being-Partkdolg-duty, about

which I shall tell you later.

“I descended in person to the surface of that planet for the second time, for reasons that ensued from the following events.

“Once, while on the planet Mars, we received an etherogram from the Center announcing the imminent reappearance there on the planet Mars of certain Most High Sacred Individuals; and indeed, within half a Martian year, a number of Archangels, Angels, Cherubim, and Seraphim did appear there, most of whom had been members of that Most Great Commission which had already appeared on our planet Mars during the first great catastrophe to that planet of yours.

“Among these Most High Sacred Individuals there was again His Conformity, the Angel—now already an Archangel—Looisos, of whom, do you remember, I recently told you that during the first great catastrophe to the planet Earth he had been one of the chief regulators in the matter of averting the consequences of that general cosmic misfortune.

“So, my boy! The day following this second appearance of the mentioned Sacred Individuals, His Conformity, escorted by one of the Seraphim, his second assistant, made His appearance at my house.

“After Te Deums with me, and after certain inquiries of mine concerning the Great Center, His Conformity then

condescended to tell me, among other things, that after the collision of the comet Kondoor with the planet Earth, he, or other responsible cosmic Individuals, superintending the affairs of ‘Harmonious-WorldExistence,’ had frequently

descended to this solar system to observe the actualizing

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 180 of those measures they had taken in order to avert the

consequences of that general cosmic accident.

“‘And we descended,’ His Conformity continued, ‘because although we had then taken every possible measure and had assured everybody that everything would be quite all right, we ourselves were nevertheless not categorically convinced that no unexpectedness might occur there unforeseen.

‘“Our apprehensions were justified, although, “Thanksto-Chance,” not in a serious form, that is to say, on a general cosmic scale, since this new catastrophe affected only the planet Earth itself.

“‘This second catastrophe to the planet Earth,’ continued His Conformity,‘occurred owing to the following:

“‘When during the first disaster two considerable frag-, ments had been separated from this planet, then for certain reasons, the what is called “center-of-gravity” of the whole of its presence had no time to shift immediately

into a corresponding new place, with the result that right until the second catastrophe, this planet had existed with its “center-of-gravity” in a wrong position, owing to which its motion during that time was not “proportionatelyharmonious” and there often occurred both within and upon it various commotions and considerable displacements.

“‘But it was recently, when the center-of-gravity of the planet finally shifted to its true center, that the said second catastrophe occurred.

“‘But now,’ added His Conformity with a shade of selfsatisfaction, ‘the existence of this planet will be quite normal in respect of the common-cosmic harmony.

‘“This second catastrophe to the planet Earth has finally quite pacified and convinced us also that a catastrophe

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 181 on a great scale cannot again occur on account of this planet.

‘“Not only has this planet itself now again acquired a normal movement in the general cosmic equilibrium, but its two detached fragments’—which, as I have already told you, are now called Moon and Anoolios—’have also acquired a normal movement and have become, although small, yet independent “Kofensharnian,” that is, additional, planets of that solar system Ors.’

“Having thought a little, His Conformity then told me:

‘“Your Reverence, I have appeared to you just for the purpose of talking over the future welfare of the large fragment of that planet, which exists at the present time under the name of Moon.

“‘This fragment,’ His Conformity continued, ‘has not only become an independent planet, but there has now begun on it the process of the formation of an atmosphere, which is necessary for every planet and which serves for the actualization of the Most Great commoncosmic Trogoautoegocrat.

‘“And now, your Reverence, the regular process of the formation of the said atmosphere on this small, unforeseenly arisen planet is being hindered by an undesirable circumstance caused by the three-brained beings arisen and existing on the planet Earth.

“‘And it is just about this that I have decided to apply to you, your Reverence, and to request you to consent to undertake in the Name of the UNI-BEING CREATOR, the task of trying to spare us the necessity of resorting to some extreme sacred process, unbecoming for threecentered beings, and to remove this undesirable phenomenon in some ordinary way through the “beingReason” they have in their presences.’

“And in his further detailed explanations, His Conformity then said, among other things, that after the second


catastrophe to the Earth, the biped three-brained beings who had accidentally survived had again multiplied; that now, the whole process of their being-existence was concentrated on another, newly formed, also large continent called ‘Ashhark’; that three independent large groups had just been formed on this same large continent ‘Ashhark,’ the first of which existed in a locality then called ‘Tikliamish,’ the second in a place called ‘Maralpleicie,’ and the third in a still existing locality then called ‘Gemchania’ or ‘Pearl-land’; and that in the general psyche of the beings belonging to all those three independent groups, certain peculiar ‘Havatvernoni’ had been formed, that is, certain psychic strivings, the totality of the process of which common-cosmic strivings they themselves had named ‘Religion.’

“‘Although these Havatvernoni or Religions have nothing in common,’ continued His Conformity, ‘yet nevertheless in these peculiar religions of theirs there is very widely spread among the beings of all three groups the same custom called among them “Sacrificial-Offerings.”

“And this custom of theirs is based on the notion, which can be cognized only by their strange Reason alone, that if they destroy the existence of beings of other forms in honor of their gods and idols, then these imaginary gods and idols of theirs would find it very, very agreeable, and always and in everything unfailingly help and assist them in the actualization of all their fantastic and wild fancies.

‘“This custom is at present so widespread there, and the destruction of the existence of beings of various forms for this maleficent purpose has reached such dimensions, that there is already a surplus of the “Sacred Askokin” required from the planet Earth for its former parts, that is to say, a surplus of those vibrations which arise during the sacred process of “Rascooarno” of beings of every


exterior form arising and existing on that planet from which the said sacred cosmic arising is required.

“‘For the normal formation of the atmosphere of the newly arisen planet Moon, the said surplus of the Sacred Askokin has already begun seriously to hinder the correct exchange of matters between the planet Moon itself and its atmosphere, and the apprehension has already arisen that its atmosphere may in consequence be formed incorrectly and later become an obstacle to the harmonious movement of the whole system Ors, and perhaps again give rise to factors menacing a catastrophe on a greater common-cosmic scale.

‘“So, your Reverence, my request to you, as I have already told you, is that you should consent, since you are in the habit of often visiting various planets of that solar system, to undertake the task of specially descending on the planet’Earth and of trying there on the spot to instill into the consciousness of these strange three-brained beings some idea of the senselessness of this notion of


“Having said a few more words, His Conformity ascended and, when He was fairly high up, added in a loud voice: ‘By this, your Reverence, you will be rendering a great service to our UNI-BEING ALLEMBRACING ENDLESSNESS.’

“After these Sacred Individuals had left the planet Mars, I decided to carry out the said task at all costs and to be worthy, if only by this explicit aid to our UNIQUEBURDEN-BEARING-ENDLESSNESS, of becoming a particle, though an independent one, of everything existing in the Great Universe.

“So, my boy, imbued with this, I flew the next day on the same ship Occasion for the second time to your planet Earth.

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 184 “This time our ship Occasion alighted on the sea which

was newly formed by the perturbation during the second great disaster to that planet of yours, and which was called there in that period of the flow of time,‘Kolhidious.’

“This sea was situated on the northwest of that newly formed large continent Ashhark, which at that period was already the chief center of the existence of the threebrained beings there.

“The other shores of this sea were composed of those newly emerged terra firmas which had become joined to the continent Ashhark, and which all together were first called ‘Frianktzanarali’ and a little later ‘Kolhidshissi.’

“It must be remarked that this sea and also the mentioned terra firmas exist until now, but of course they now already have other names; for instance, the continent Ashhark is now called Asia; the sea ‘Kolhidious,’ the ‘Caspian Sea; and all the Frianktzanarali together now exist under the name ‘Caucasus.’

“The Occasion alighted on this sea Kolhidious or Caspian Sea because this sea was the most convenient for mooring our Occasion as well as for my further travels.

“And it was very convenient for my further travels because from the East a large river flowed into it, which watered almost the whole country of Tikliamish, and on the banks of which stood the capital of that country, the city ’Koorkalai.’

“As the greatest center of the existence of these favorites of yours was then the country Tikliamish, I decided to go there first.

“Here it might as well be remarked that although this large river then called ‘Oksoseria now still exists, yet it no longer flows into the present Caspian Sea, because after a minor planetary tremor at almost half way, it turned to the right and flowed into one of the hollows on

the surface of the continent Ashhark, where it gradually formed

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 185 a small sea, which still exists and is called the Aral Sea’;

but the old bed of the former half of that large river which is now called the ‘Amu Darya,’ can still be seen by close observation.

“During the period of this second descent of mine in person, the country Tikliamish was considered to be and indeed was the richest and most fertile of all the terra firmas of that planet good for ordinary being-existence.

“But when a third great catastrophe occurred to the illfated planet, this then most fertile country of the surface of your planet, along with other more or less fertile terra firmas, was covered by ‘Kashmanoon,’ or, as they say, by ’ Sands.’

“For long periods after this third catastrophe, this country Tikliamish was simply called ‘bare desert,’ and now, its parts have various names; its former principal part is called ‘Karakoom,’ that is, ‘Black-sands.’

“During these periods the second also quite independent group of three-brained beings of your planet also dwelt on that continent Ashhark, on that part which was then called the country Maralpleicie.

“Later when this second group also began to have a

center point of their existence they called it the ‘city Gob’ and the whole country was for a long time called ‘Goblandia.’

“This locality also was afterwards covered by Kashmanoon and now the former principal part of this also once flourishing country is called simply ‘The Gobi Desert.’

“And as for the third group of the three-brained beings of that time of the planet Earth, this also quite independent group had the place of its existence on the southeastern side of the continent Ashhark, opposite to Tikliamish, quite on the other side of those abnormal projections of the continent Ashhark which also were formed

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 186 during the second perturbation to this ill-fated planet.

“This region of the existence of this third group was then called, as I have already told you ‘Gemchania or ‘Pearlland.’

“Later the name of this locality also changed many times and the whole of this terra firma region of the surface of the planet Earth now exists under the name of ’Hindustan’ or ‘India.’

“It must without fail be remarked that at that period, that is, during this second descent of mine in person onto the surface of your planet, there was present and already thoroughly crystallized in all these three-brained beings

who have taken your fancy, belonging to the three enumerated independent groups, instead of that function called ‘the needful-striving-for-self-perfection,’ which should be in every three-brained being, also a ‘needful’ but very strange ‘striving’ that all the other beings of their planet should call and consider their country the ‘Centerof-Culture’ for the whole planet.

“This strange ‘needful-striving’ was then present in all the three-centered beings of your planet and was for each of them, as it were, the principal sense and aim of his existence. And in consequence, among the beings of these three independent groups at that period, bitter struggles, both material and psychic, were constantly proceeding for the attainment of the mentioned aim.

“Well, then, my boy.

“We then set off from the sea Kolhidious, or as it is now called, the Caspian Sea, on ‘Selchans,’ that is to say, on rafts of a special kind, up the river Oksoseria, or as it is now called, the Amu Darya. We sailed for fifteen terrestrial days and finally arrived at the capital of the beings of the first Asiatic group.

“On arriving there and after arranging the place of our permanent existence there, I first began visiting the ’Kaltaani’ of the city Koorkalai, that is, those establish-

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 187 ments there which on the continent Ashhark were later

called ‘Chaihana,’ ‘Ashhana,’ ‘Caravanseray,’ and so on, and which the contemporary beings there, especially those breeding on the continent called ‘Europe,’ call ‘Cafes,’ ’Restaurants,’ ‘Clubs,’ ‘Dance Halls,’ ‘Meeting Places,’ and so on.

“I first began visiting these establishments of theirs because there on the planet Earth, at present just as formerly, nowhere can one observe and study the specific peculiarities of the psyche of the beings of the locality so well as in just such gathering places of theirs; and this was just what I needed to make clear to myself their real inner essence-attitude to their custom of sacrificial offerings and to enable me more readily and more easily to draw up a plan of action for the attainment of that aim for which I made this second sojourn of mine there in person.

“During my visits to the Kaltaani there, I met a number of beings, among whom was one I happened to meet rather often.

“This three-brained being there, whom I chanced to meet frequently, belonged to the profession of ‘priest’ and was called ‘Abdil.’

“As almost all my personal activities, my boy, during that second descent of mine were connected with the external circumstances of this priest Abdil and as I happened to have during this descent of mine a great deal of trouble on his account, I shall tell you more or less in detail about this three-brained being there; and, moreover, you will

at the same time understand from these tales about him the results I then attained for the purpose of uprooting from the strange psyche of your favorites the need to destroy the existence of beings of other forms in order to ‘please’ and ‘appease’ their gods and revered idols.

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 188 “Although this terrestrial being, who afterwards became

for me like one of my kinsmen, was not a priest of the highest rank, yet he was well versed in all the details of the teaching of the religion then dominant in the whole country Tikliamish; and he also knew the psyche of the followers of that religion, particularly, of course, the psyche of the beings belonging to his what is called ‘congregation’ for whom he was ‘priest.’

“Soon after we were on ‘good terms’ with each other, I discovered that in the Being of this priest Abdil—owing to very many external circumstances, among which were also heredity and the conditions under which he had been prepared for a responsible being—the function called ’conscience’ which ought to be present in every threecentered being, had not yet been quite atrophied in him, so that after he had cognized with his Reason certain cosmic truths I had explained to him, he immediately acquired in his presence towards the beings around him, similar to him, almost that attitude which should be in all normal three-brained beings of the whole Universe, that is to say, he became, as it is also said there, ‘compassion-

ate,’ and ‘sensitive’ towards the beings surrounding him.

“Before telling you more about this priest Abdil, I must make clear to your Reason that there on the continent of Ashhark the mentioned terrible custom of SacrificialOfferings was at that time, as it is said, at its ‘height,’ and the destruction of various weak one-brained and twobrained beings proceeded everywhere in incalculable numbers.

“At that period, if anybody had occasion in any house to appeal to one or another of their imaginary gods or fantastic ‘saints,’ they invariably promised that in the event of good fortune, they would destroy in honor of their gods and saints the existence of some being or other, or of several at once; and if by chance good fortune befell them, then they carried out their promise with the utmost


veneration, while, if it were otherwise, they increased their slaughter in order eventually to win the favor of their said imaginary patron.

“With the same aim, these favorites of yours of that period even divided the beings of all other forms into ’clean’ and ‘unclean.’

“‘Unclean’ they called those forms of being, the destruction of whose existence was presumably not pleasing to their gods; and ‘clean,’ those beings, the destruction of whose existence was, presumably, extremely agreeable to

those various imaginary idols whom they revered.

“These Sacrificial-Offerings were made not only in their own houses by private beings, but were also made by whole groups, and sometimes even in public. There even then existed special places for slaughterings of this kind which were situated mostly near buildings in memory of something or somebody, chiefly of saints—of course, of the saints they themselves had elevated to ‘sainthood.’

“Several such special public places, where the destruction of the beings of different exterior form was carried out, then existed in the country of Tikliamish; and among them was one most celebrated, situated on a small mountain from whence a certain thaumaturgist Aliman was supposed once upon a time to have been ‘taken-alive’ up to ‘some-Heaven-or-other.’

“In that place, as well as in other similar places, especially at definite times of the year, they destroyed an innumerable number of beings called ‘oxen,’ ‘sheep,’ ‘doves,’ and so on, and even beings similar to them themselves.

“In the latter case, the strong usually brought the less strong to be sacrificed; as for instance, a father brought his son, a husband his wife, an elder brother his younger brother, and so on. But, for the most part, ‘sacrifices’ were offered up of ‘slaves,’ who then as now were usually what are called ‘captives,’ that is to say, beings of a conquered


community, which according to the law of what is called ’Solioonensius,’ had at the given period—that is, at the period when their needful tendency to reciprocal destruction was more intensely manifested in their presences—a lesser significance in respect of this chief peculiarity of theirs.

“The custom of ‘pleasing-their-gods’ by destroying the existence of other beings is followed there, on your planet, until now, only not on the scale on which these abominations were practiced by your favorites at that time on the continent Ashhark.

“Well, then, my boy, during the early days of my sojourn in the town Koorkalai, I often talked on various subjects with this mentioned friend of mine, the priest Abdil, but, of course, I never spoke with him about such questions as might reveal my real nature.

“Like almost all the three-brained beings of your planet whom I met during all my descents, he also took me for a being of his own planet, but considered me very learned and an authority on the psyche of beings similar to himself.

“From our earliest meetings, whenever we chanced to speak about other beings similar to himself, his responsiveness and experiencings about them always touched me deeply. And when my Reason made it quite clear to me that the function of conscience, fundamental for three-

centered beings, which had been transmitted to his presence by heredity, had not yet become quite atrophied in him, then there gradually began from that moment to arise in my presence and as a result to be crystallized, a ’really-functioning-needful-striving’ towards him as towards a kinsman of my own nature.

“Thereafter, he also, according to the cosmic law ‘everycause-gives-birth-to-its-corresponding-result,’ of course began to have towards me ‘Silnooyegordpana,’ or, as your

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 191 favorites would say there, ‘afeeling-of-trusting-another-


“Well, then, my boy, no sooner was this clearly constated in my Reason, than the idea occurred to me to actualize through this first terrestrial friend of mine, the task for which this second descent of mine in person had been made.

“I therefore intentionally began to lead all our conversation towards the question of the custom of SacrificialOfferings.

“Although, my boy, considerable time has flowed since I talked with that terrestrial friend of mine, I could, perhaps, now recall word for word and repeat one of our talks we had at that time.

“I wish to recall and repeat just that talk of ours which was the last, and which served as the starting point of all the subsequent events, which though they brought the planetary existence of this terrestrial friend of mine to a painful end, brought him nevertheless to the beginning of the possibility of continuing the task of self-perfecting.

“This last talk took place in his house.

“I then explained to him frankly the utter stupidity and absurdity of this custom of Sacrificial-Offerings.

“I said to him as follows: “‘Good.

‘“You have a religion, a faith in something. It is excellent to have faith in something, in whatever it might be, even if you don’t exactly know in whom or in what, nor can represent to yourself the significance and the possibilities of what you have faith in. To have faith, whether consciously or even quite unconsciously, is for every being very necessary and desirable.

‘“And it is desirable because owing to faith alone does there appear in a being, the intensity of being-self-consciousness necessary for every being, and also the valuation

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 192 of personal Being as of a particle of Everything Existing

in the Universe.

“‘But what has the existence of another being, which you destroy, to do with this, and, moreover, one whose existence you destroy in the name of its CREATOR?

“‘Is not that “life” just the same as yours for the CREATOR Who created you as well as this other being?

“‘Thanks to your psychic strength and cunning, that is to say, to those data, proper to you, with which our same COMMON CREATOR has endowed you for the perfecting of your Reason, you profit by the psychic weakness of other beings and destroy their existence.

“‘Do you understand, you unfortunate creature, what—in an objective sense—an indeed evil deed you commit by this?

“‘Firstly, by destroying the existence of other beings, you reduce for yourself the number of factors of that totality of results which alone can form the requisite conditions for the power of self-perfecting of beings similar to yourself; and secondly, you thereby definitely diminish or completely destroy the hopes of our COMMON FATHER CREATOR in those possibilities which have been put into you as a three-brained being and upon whom He counts, as a help for Him later.

“‘The obvious absurdity of such a terrible being-action is already clearly shown by your imagining that by destroying the existence of other beings, you do something pleasing just to that ONE who has intentionally created

those beings also.

‘“Can it be that the thought has never even entered your head that if our COMMON FATHER CREATOR has created that same life also, then He probably did so for some definite purpose?

“‘Think,’ I told him further, ‘think a little, not as you have been accustomed to think during the whole of your


existence, like a “Khorassanian-donkey,” but think a little honestly and sincerely, as it is proper to think for a being as you call yourself,“in-the-likeness-of-God.”

‘“When GOD created you and these beings whose existence you destroy, could our CREATOR then have written on the foreheads of certain of His creatures that they were to be destroyed in His honor and glory?

“‘If anyone, even an idiot from “Albion’s Isles,” were to think seriously and sincerely about it, he would understand that this could never be.

‘“This was invented only by people who say they are ”inthe-likeness-of-God,” and not by Him, Who created people and these other beings of different form whom they destroy, as they fancy, for His pleasure and satisfaction.

“‘For Him there is no difference between the life of men and the life of beings of any other form.

“‘Man is life, and the beings of other exterior forms are life.

“‘It is most wisely foreseen by Him that Nature should adapt the difference of exterior form of beings in accordance with those conditions and circumstances under which the process of existence of various forms of life are pre-ordained to flow.

‘“Take yourself as an example; with your internal and external organs, could you go now and jump into the water and swim like a fish?

“‘Of course not, because you have neither the “gills,” ”fins,” nor “tail” a fish has, that is, a life which is preordained to exist in such a sphere as “water.”

“‘If it occurred to you to go and jump into the water, you would instantly choke and drop to the bottom and become hors d’oeuvre for those same fishes, who, in that sphere, proper for them, would naturally be infinitely stronger than you.

“‘It is the same with the fishes themselves; could one BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 194

of them now come to us, sit with us at this table and drink in our company the “Green tea” we are now drinking?

“‘Also, of course not! Because it has not the corresponding organs for manifestations of this kind.

“‘It was created for the water and its internal and also

external organs are adapted for the manifestations required in the water. It can manifest itself effectively and successfully and fulfill the purpose of its existence, preordained by the CREATOR, only in that sphere appropriate to it.

“‘In exactly the same way, your external and all your internal organs are also created by our COMMON CREATOR in a corresponding manner. You are given legs to walk; hands to prepare and take the necessary food; your nose and the organs connected with it are so adapted that you may take in and transform in yourself those World-substances by which there are coated in the three-brained beings similar to yourself both higher-being bodies, on one of which rests the hope of our COMMON ALL-EMBRACING CREATOR for help in His needs, for the purpose of actualizations foreseen by Him for the good of Everything Existing.

“‘In short, the corresponding principle is foreseen and given to Nature by our COMMON CREATOR, so that He might coat and adapt all your internal and external organs in accordance with that sphere in which the process of the existence of beings of such a brain-system as yours is preordained to flow.

“‘A very good example for the clarification of this is your “own-donkey” now standing tied up in your stable.

‘“Even as regards this own-donkey of yours, you abuse the possibilities given you by our COMMON

CREATOR, since if this donkey is now compelled to stand unwillingly in your stable, it does so only because it is created twobrained; and this again is because such an organization

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 195 of the whole of its presence is necessary for common-

cosmic existence upon planets.

“‘And therefore, according to law, there is absent from the presence of your donkey the possibility of logicalmentation, and consequently, according to law, he must be what you call “senseless,” or “stupid.”

“‘Although you were created for the purpose of the common-cosmic existence on planets, and although you were created also as “a-field-of-hope” for the future expectations of our COMMON ALL-GRACIOUS CREATOR—that is to say, created with the possibilities of coating in your presence that “Higher-Sacred” for the possible arising of which the whole of our now existing World was just created—and in spite of the said possibilities given to you, that is to say, in spite of your having been created threebrained with possibilities of a logical mentation, yet you do not use this sacred property of yours for the purpose for which it was foreordained, but manifest it as “cunning” towards His other creations, as, for instance, towards your own-donkey.

“Apart from the possibilities present in you of con-

sciously coating in your presence the mentioned HigherSacred, this donkey of yours is of the same value for the common-cosmic process and consequently for our COMMON CREATOR, as you yourself, since each of you is predestined for some definite purpose, and these distinct definite purposes, in their totality, actualize the sense of Everything Existing.

“‘The difference between you and your own-donkey is merely in the form and quality of functioning of the internal and external organization of your common presences.

“‘For instance, you have only two legs, whereas the donkey has as many as four, any one of which, moreover, is infinitely stronger than yours.

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 196 “‘Can you, for instance, carry on those two weak legs

of yours as much as that donkey can?

‘“Certainly not, because your legs are given you only for carrying yourself and the little that is necessary for the normal existence of a three-brained being as foreseen by Nature.

‘“Such a distribution of forces and strength, which at first sight appears unjust on the part of our MOST JUST CREATOR, was made by Great Nature simply because the surplus of cosmic substances foreseeingly given you by the CREATOR and by Nature to use for the purpose

of your personal self-perfecting is not given to your donkey, but in place of this, Great Nature Herself transforms the same surplus of cosmic substances in your donkey’s presence for the power and strength of certain of its organs for its present existence only, but of course without the personal cognition of the donkey itself, thus enabling it to manifest the said power incomparably better than you.

“‘And these variously powered manifestations of beings of diverse forms actualize in their totality just those exterior conditions in which alone it is possible for those similar to you—that is, for three-brained beings— consciously to perfect the “germ-of-Reason” placed in their presences, to the necessary gradation of Pure Objective Reason.

“‘I repeat, all beings, of all brain systems, without exception, large and small, arising and existing on the Earth or within the Earth, in the air or beneath the waters, are all equally necessary for our COMMON CREATOR, for the common harmony of the existence of Everything Existing.

“‘And as all the enumerated forms of beings actualize all together the form of the process required by our CREATOR for the existence of Everything Existing, the essence of all beings are to Him equally valuable and dear.

‘“For our COMMON CREATOR all beings are only


BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 197 of the existence of a whole essence spiritualized by


“‘But what do we see here now?

“‘One form of beings created by Him, in whose presences He has placed all His hopes and expectations for the future welfare of Everything Existing, taking advantage of their superiorities, lord it over other forms and destroy their existence right and left and, what is more, they do so presumably “in His name.”

“‘The whole terror of it is that although such phenomenal anti-God acts take place here in every house and on every square, nevertheless it never enters the head of any of these unfortunates that these beings whose existence I or we are now destroying are equally dear to that ONE, Who has created them, arid that if He created these other forms of beings as well as ourselves, it must also have been for some purpose.’

“Having said all this to my friend, the priest Abdil, I said further:

‘“And what is most distressing is that every man who destroys the existence of other beings, in honor of his honored idols, does so with all his heart and is convinced beyond all doubt that he is doing a “good” deed.

“‘I am quite sure that if any one of them should become aware that in destroying another’s existence he is not only committing an evil deed against the true GOD and every real Saint, but is even causing them, in their essences, sorrow and grief that there should exist in the great Universe ”in-the-likeness-of-God” beings-monsters who can manifest towards other creations of our COMMON CREATOR so consciencelessly and pitilessly; I repeat, if any of them should become aware of this, then certainly not one among them could with all his heart ever again destroy

the existence of beings of other forms for SacrificialOfferings.


“‘Then perhaps on the Earth also would begin to exist the eighteenth personal commandment of our COMMON CREATOR which declared:“Love everything that breathes.”

“‘This offering to God of sacrifices by destroying the existence of His other creations is just as if somebody from the street should now break into your house and wantonly destroy all the “goods” there, which have taken you years to collect, and cost you years of labor and suffering.

‘“Think, but again think sincerely, and picture to yourself what I have just said, and then answer: Would you like it and thank the impudent thief who broke into your


“‘Certainly not!! A million times not!!!!

“‘On the contrary, your whole being would be indignant and would wish to punish this thief, and with every fibre of your psyche you would try to find a means of revenge.

“‘In all probability, you would now reply that although it is indeed so ...“I am, however, only a man. ...”

“‘That is true, you are only a man. It is good that GOD is GOD and is not so vindictive and evil as man.

“‘Certainly He will not punish you nor will He revenge Himself upon you, as you would punish the mentioned robber who destroyed the property and goods it had taken you years to collect.

“‘It goes without saying, GOD forgives everything—this has even become a law in the World.

“‘But His creations—in this case, people—must not abuse this All-Gracious and Everywhere-Penetrating; Goodness of His; they must not only care for, but even maintain all He has created.

“‘But here on Earth, men have even divided beings of all other forms into the clean and the unclean.

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 199 ‘“Tell me what guided them when they made this divi-


“‘Why, for instance, is a sheep clean, and a lion unclean? Are they both not equally beings?

‘“This also was invented by people. . . . And why have they invented it, and made this division? Simply because a sheep is a very weak being and moreover stupid, and they can do to it just what they like.

“‘But people call the lion unclean simply because they dare not do to it what they like.

‘“A lion is cleverer and, what is more, stronger than they.

“‘A lion will not only not allow itself to be destroyed, but will not even permit people to approach near. If any man should venture to approach near to it, then this ”Mister Lion” would give him such a crack on the noddle that our valiant’s life would at once fly off to where “people from Albion’s Isles” have not yet been.

“‘I repeat ... a lion is unclean simply because men are afraid of it; it is a hundred times higher and stronger than they; a sheep is clean merely because it is much weaker than they and again I repeat, much more stupid.

“‘Every being, according to its nature and to the gradation of its Reason attained by its ancestors and transmitted by heredity, occupies its definite place among beings of other forms.

“A good example for clarifying what I have just said is

the difference between the already definitely crystallized presences of the psyche of your dog and of your cat.

“‘If you pet your dog a little and get it used to anything you please, it will become obedient and affectionate to the point of abasement.

“‘It will run after you and cut every sort of caper before you just to please you all the more.


‘“You can be familiar with it, you can beat it, you can hurt it; it will never turn on you, but will always humiliate itself still more before you.

“‘But try the same on your cat.

“‘What do you think? Will it respond to your indignities as your dog did, and cut the same humble capers for your amusement? Of course not. . . .

‘“Even if the cat is not strong enough to retaliate immediately, it will remember this attitude of yours toward it for a long time, and at some time or other will get its revenge.

“‘For instance, it is said that it has often happened that a cat has bitten the throat of a man while he was asleep. I can quite believe it, knowing what may have been the cat’s reasons for it.

‘“No, the cat will stand up for itself, it knows its own value, it is proud, and this is merely because it is a cat and

its nature is on that gradation of Reason where according to the merits of its ancestors it just should be.

“‘In any case, no being, and no man, should be angry with a cat for this.

“‘Is it its fault that it is a cat and that, owing to the merits of its ancestors, its presence occupies such a gradation of“consciousness-of-self”?

“‘It must neither be despised for this, nor beaten, nor illtreated; on the contrary, one must give it its due, as one occupying a higher rung on the ladder of the evolution of ”consciousness-of-self.”

“By the way, my dear boy, concerning the reciprocal relations of beings, a former famous prophet from the planet ‘Desagroanskrad,’ the great ‘Arhoonilo,’ now already the assistant to the chief investigator of the whole Universe in respect of the details of Objective Morality, once said:

“‘If by his Reason a being is higher than you, you must BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 201

always bow down before him and try to imitate him in everything; but if he is lower than you, you must be just towards him, because you once occupied the same place according to the sacred Measure of the gradation of Reason of our CREATOR and ALL-MAINTAINER.’

“So, my dear boy, this last conversation with that Earth

friend of mine produced such a strong impression on him, that for two days thereafter he did nothing but think and think.

“In short, the final outcome of it all was that this priest Abdil eventually began to cognize and sense concerning the custom of Sacrificial-Offerings almost as in reality he should have done.

“Several days after this conversation of ours, there occurred one of the two large religious festivals of the whole of Tikliamish, called ‘Zadik’; and in the temple where my friend Abdil was the chief priest, instead of delivering the usual sermon after the temple ceremony, he suddenly began speaking about Sacrificial-Offerings.

“I chanced to be also in that large temple that day and was one of those who heard his speech.

“Although the theme of his speech was unusual for such an occasion and for such a place, yet it shocked nobody, because he spoke unprecedentedly well and beautifully.

“Indeed, he spoke so well and so sincerely, and cited in his beautiful speech so many persuasive and illustrative examples, that as he spoke many of the beings of Koorkalai there even began sobbing bitterly.

“What he said produced so strong an impression on all his congregation that although his speech lasted till the next day instead of the customary half-hour or hour, nevertheless even when it was over, nobody wished to leave

and all stood for a long time as if spellbound. “Thereafter, fragments from his speech began to be

BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 202 spread among those who had not personally heard it.

“It is interesting to notice that it was the custom then for priests to exist simply on the offerings of their parishioners, and this priest Abdil had also been in the habit of receiving from parishioners all kinds of food for his ordinary existence, as for instance roast and boiled ‘corpses’ of beings of various exterior forms, such as ‘chickens,’ ’sheep,’ ‘geese,’ and so on. But after this famous speech of his, nobody brought him any of these customary offerings but brought or sent him only fruits, flowers, handiwork, and so on.

“The day following his speech, this Earth friend of mine at once became for all the citizens of the town Koorkalai what is called the ‘fashionable-priest,’ and not only was the temple where he officiated always crammed with beings of the town Koorkalai, but he was also pressed to speak in other temples.

“He delivered many such speeches concerning SacrificialOfferings, and each time the number of his admirers grew and grew, so that he soon became popular not only among the beings of the town Koorkalai, but also of the whole of Tikliamish.

“I do not know how it would all have ended if the whole

priesthood, that is, men-beings of the same profession as my friend, had not become alarmed and anxious on account of his popularity, and had not opposed everything he preached.

“Evidently these colleagues of his were afraid that if the custom of Sacrificial-Offerings were to disappear, their own excellent incomes would, disappear also, and that their authority would first totter and finally crumble.

“Day by day the number of this priest Abdil’s enemies increased, and they spread new slanders and innuendoes

about him in order to lower or destroy his popularity and BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 203 significance.

“His colleagues began delivering addresses in their temples proving exactly the opposite of all that the priest Abdil had preached.

“At last it came to the point that the priesthood began to bribe various beings who had ‘Hasnamuss’ properties to plan and commit every kind of outrage upon this poor Abdil; and, indeed, these terrestrial nullities with the properties mentioned even tried on several occasions to destroy his existence by sprinkling poison on the various edible offerings brought to him.

“In spite of all this, the number of sincere admirers of his preaching daily increased.

“Finally, the whole corporation of the priesthood could

stand it no longer; and on a sad day for my friend, a general ecumenical trial was held, which lasted four days.

“By the sentence of this general ecumenical council, not only was this Earth friend of mine completely excommunicated from the priesthood, but, at the same council, his colleagues also organized means for his further persecution.

“All this, of course, had little by little a strong effect on the psyche of the ordinary beings, so that even those around him who had formerly esteemed him also began gradually to avoid him and to repeat every kind of calumny about him. Even those who only a day before had sent him flowers and various other offerings and had almost worshiped him also soon became such bitter enemies of his, owing to the constant gossip, that it was as if he had not only injured them personally, but had slaughtered and butchered all their near and dear ones.

“Such is the psyche of the beings of that peculiar planet.

“In short, owing to his sincere good will to those around him, this good friend of mine endured a great deal. Even

this would have been, perhaps, nothing, if the climax of BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 204

unconscionableness on the part of the colleagues of my friend and the other terrestrial ‘God-like’ beings around him had not brought all this to an end; that is to say, they killed him.

“And this occurred in the following way:

“My friend had no relatives at all in the city Koorkalai, having been born in some distant place.

“And as for the hundreds of servants and other ordinary terrestrial nullities who had been around him owing to his former importance, they, by this time, had gradually left him, naturally because my friend was no longer important.

“Toward the end there remained with him only one very old being who had been with him quite a long time.

“To tell the truth, this old man had remained with him only on account of old age which, owing to abnormal being-existence, most of the beings there reach; that is to say, on account of his complete uselessness for anything required under the conditions of being-existence there.

“He simply had no other place to go to, and that was why he did not desert my friend, but stayed with him even when he had lost his importance and was being persecuted.

“Going into my friend’s room one sad morning, this old man saw that he had been killed and that his planetary body had been hacked to pieces.

“Knowing that I was his friend, he at once ran to me to tell me about it.

“I have already told you, that I had begun to love him as

one of my nearests. So when I learned about this terrible fact, there almost occurred in my whole presence a ’Skinikoonartzino,’ that is to say, the connection between my separate being-centers was almost shattered.


“But during the day I feared that the same or other unconscionable beings might commit further outrages on my friend’s planetary body, so I decided at least to prevent the possible actualization of what I feared.

“I therefore immediately hired several suitable beings for a great sum of money and, unbeknown to anybody else, had his planetary body removed and temporarily placed in my Selchan, that is, on my raft which was moored not far away on the river Oksoseria, and which I had not disposed of because I had intended to sail on it from there to the sea Kolhidious to our ship Occasion.

“This sad end of my friend’s existence did not prevent his preachings and persuasions about the cessation of Sacrificial-Offerings having a strong effect on many, even on a great many.

“And indeed, the quantity of slaughterings for Sacrificial-Offerings began very perceptibly to diminish and one could see that even if the custom were not abolished completely with time, it would at least be considerably mitigated.

“And, for the time being, that was sufficient for me.

“As there was no reason for me to stay there any longer, I decided to return immediately to the sea Kolhidious and there to consider what to do further with the planetary body of my friend. <

“When I arrived on our ship Occasion I found an etherogram for me from Mars in which I was informed of the arrival there of another party of beings from the planet Karatas, and that speedy return there was desired.

“Thanks to this etherogram a very strange idea came into my head—namely, I thought that instead of disposing of the planetary body of my friend on the planet Earth, I might take it with me and give it to the presence of the planet Mars.

“I decided to carry out this idea of mine as I was BEELZEBUB’S SECOND DESCENT TO EARTH 206

afraid that my friend’s enemies who hated him might make a search for his planetary body, and if they had chanced to learn where it had been given to the presence of that planet, or, as your favorites say, ‘buried,’ then doubtless they would have found it and perpetrated some atrocity on it.

“And so, from the sea Kolhidious, I soon ascended on the ship Occasion to the planet Mars, where our beings and several kind Martians, who had already learned of the events which had taken place on the planet Earth, paid due respect to the planetary body I had taken with me.

“They buried him with the ceremonies customary on the planet Mars, and over the spot they erected a corresponding construction.

“Anyhow, this was the first and surely will be the last what your favorites call ‘grave,’ for a being of the planet Earth on this so near yet so far and, for the terrestrial beings, quite inaccessible planet Mars.

“I learned afterwards that this story reached His AllQuarters-Maintainer, the Most Great Archangel ‘Setrenotzinarco,’ the All-Quarters-Maintainer of that part of the Universe to which that system Ors belongs, and that He manifested his pleasure by giving to whom it was proper, a command concerning the soul of this terrestrial friend of mine.

“On the planet Mars I was indeed expected by several beings of our tribe who had newly arrived from the planet Karatas. Among them, by the way, was also your grandmother who, according to the indications of the chief Zirlikners of the planet Karatas, had been assigned to me as the passive half for the continuance of my line.”



The Third Flight of Beelzebub to the Planet Earth

After a brief pause Beelzebub continued to speak further as follows:

“This time I remained at home, that is, on the planet Mars, only a short while, just long enough to see and talk with those who had newly arrived, and to give certain directions of a common tribal character.

“Having disposed of the said affairs, I descended again to your planet with the intention of continuing the pursuit of my aim, that is, the uprooting among these strange three-centered beings of their terrifying custom of doing as it were Divine work by destroying the existence of beings of other brain-systems.

“On this third descent of mine to the planet Earth our ship Occasion did not alight on the sea Kolhidious, which is now called there Caspian Sea, but on the sea called at that period the‘Sea of Beneficence.’

“We decided to alight on this sea because I wished this time to go to the capital of the beings of the second group of the continent Ashhark, then named the City Gob, which was situated on the southeastern shore of that sea.

“At that time, the City Gob was already a large city, and was well known over the whole planet for its production of the best ‘fabrics’ and the best what are called ‘preciousornaments.’

“The City Gob was situated on both banks of the mouth of a large river called the ‘Keria-chi’ which flowed into the Sea of Beneficence and which had its rise in the eastern heights of this country.

“Into this Sea of Beneficence, on its western side, another large river flowed called the ‘Naria-chi.’

“And it was in the valleys of these two large rivers that BEELZEBUB’S THIRD FLIGHT TO THE EARTH 208

the beings of the second group of the continent Ashhark chiefly existed.

“If you wish, my dear boy, I shall also tell you a little of the history of the rise of this group of beings of the continent Ashhark,” Beelzebub said to Hassein.

“Yes, Grandfather, yes. I shall listen to you with great interest and much gratitude,” replied his grandson.

Then Beelzebub began:

“A long, long time before that period to which my present tale relates, namely, long before that second great catastrophe to that ill-fated planet, while the continent Atlantis was still existing and at the height of its splendor, one of the ordinary three-centered beings of that continent ‘invented’—as my latest detailed investigations and researches cleared up—that the powdered horn of a being of that particular exterior form then called a ‘Pirmaral’ was very effective against what they call ‘diseases’ of every kind. His ‘invention’ was afterwards widely spread by various ‘freaks’ on your planet, and also there was gradually crystallized in the Reason of the ordinary beings there an illusory directing factor, from which, by the way, there is formed in the whole of the presence of

each of your favorites, especially of the contemporary ones, the Reason of what is called their ‘wakingexistence,’ which factor is the chief cause of the frequent change in convictions accumulated in them.

“Owing to just this factor, crystallized in the presences of the three-brained beings of your planet of that period, it became the rule that anyone, as they say, who ‘fell ill’ of some disease or other invariably had to be given this powdered horn to swallow.

“It is not without interest to remark that Pirmarals breed there at the present time also; but, since contemporary beings take them merely for one of the species of

being they collectively call ‘deer,’ they have no special name


“So, my boy, as the beings of the continent Atlantis destroyed very many beings of that form for the sake of these horns, they very soon became extinct.

“Then a number of beings of that continent, who had by this time already made a profession of hunting these beings, went hunting for them on other continents and islands.

“This hunting was very difficult, because for the capture of these Pirmarals a great many of these hunterbeings

were required; so these professional hunters always took their whole families with them for assistance.

“Once several of these hunter families joined together and set off to hunt the Pirmarals on a very remote continent then called ‘Iranan,’ which later, after having been changed owing to the second catastrophe, was called ‘the continent Ashhark.’

“This was the same continent your contemporary favorites now call Asia.’

“For my further tales concerning these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, it will be very useful for you, I think, if I emphasize here that on account of various disturbances during the second terrestrial catastrophe, several parts of the continent Iranan entered within the planet, and other terra firmas emerged in their place and attached themselves to this continent, which in consequence became considerably changed and became in size almost what the continent Atlantis had been for the planet Earth before the catastrophe.

“Well, then, my boy, while this said group of hunters were once with their families pursuing a herd of these Pirmarals, they reached the shores of the water-space which was later called the Sea of Beneficence.

“Both the sea itself and its rich and fertile shores so BEELZEBUB’S THIRD FLIGHT TO THE EARTH 210

greatly pleased this group of hunters that they did not

wish to return to the continent Atlantis, and from that time on they remained to exist there, on those shores.

“That country was at that time indeed so excellent and so ‘Sooptaninalnian’ for ordinary being-existence that no being who could think at all could help liking it.

“On that ‘terra firma part of the surface of your planet, not only did there exist at that period multitudes of twobrained beings of the said exterior form, namely, Pirmarals, but around this water-space were also multitudes of various kinds of ‘fruit trees,’ whose fruit then still served for your favorites as the principal product for their ‘first being-food.’

“There were then also so many of the one-brained and two-brained beings which your favorites call ‘birds’ that when they flew in droves it became, as your favorites say, ’quite dark.’

“The water-space situated in the middle of that country and then named the Sea of Beneficence so abounded with fish that they could almost be caught, as they also say, with one’s bare hands.

“As for the soil of the shores of the Sea of Beneficence and also of the valleys of the two large rivers flowing into it, any part of them could be adapted for growing anything you like.

“In short, both the climate of this country and everything else so delighted the hunters and their families that

none of them, as I have already said, had any desire to return to the continent Atlantis, and from that time on they remained there, and soon adapting themselves to everything, multiplied and existed, as is said, ‘on-a-bed-ofroses.’

“At this place in my tale I must tell you about an extraordinary coincidence which later had great consequences


both for the first beings of this second group and for their descendants of most recent times.

“It seems that at the time when the said hunters from the continent Atlantis reached the Sea of Beneficence and decided to settle there, there was already existing on the shores of the same sea a being from the continent Atlantis who was at that time very important and who belonged to the sect of Astrosovors’ and who was a member of a learned society, the like of which has never since appeared on that planet Earth and probably never will.

“This learned society then existed under the name of Akhaldan.’

“And this member of the Akhaldans reached the shores of the Sea of Beneficence on account of the following:

“Just before the second great catastrophe those genuine learned beings then existing on the continent Atlantis, who had organized that truly great learned society there, somehow became aware that something very serious had

to happen in Nature, so they began to observe very carefully all the natural phenomena of their continent; but however hard they tried, they could in no way find out what precisely had to happen.

“A little later on and with the same aim, they sent some of their members to other continents and islands, in order, by means of these common observations, perhaps to be able to find out what was impending.

“The members sent were to observe not only Nature on the planet Earth, but also every kind of, as they then expressed themselves there,‘heavenly-phenomena.’

“One of these members, namely, the mentioned important being, had chosen the continent Iranan for his observations and, having migrated there with his servants, had settled on the shores of the said water-space later called the Sea of Beneficence.

“It was just this same learned member of the society BEELZEBUB’S THIRD FLIGHT TO THE EARTH 212

Akhaldan who once chanced to meet certain of the mentioned hunters on the shores of the said Sea of Beneficence, and having learned that they had also come from the continent Atlantis, was naturally very glad, and began to establish relations with them.

“And when, shortly afterwards, the continent Atlantis entered within the planet and this learned Akhaldan member had no longer any place to return to, he re-

mained to exist with these hunters in that future Maralpleicie.

“A little later this group of hunters chose this learned being, as the cleverest, to be their chief, and still later . . . this member of the great society Akhaldan married the daughter named Rimala of one of the hunters, and afterwards shared fully in the lives of the founders of the beings of that second group of the continent Iranan, or, as it is called at the present time, Asia.’

“A long time passed.

“The beings of this place on the planet Earth were also born and were again destroyed; and the general level of the psyche of this kind of Earth-beings was thereby changed, of course at times for the better, at times for the worse.

“Multiplying, these beings gradually spread over this country more and more widely, although always preferring the shores of the Sea of Beneficence and the valleys of those two large rivers which flowed into it.

“Only much later the center of their common existence was formed on the southeastern shore of the sea; and this place they called the city Gob. This city became the chief place of existence for the head of this second group of beings of the continent Ashhark, whom they called ‘king.’

“The duties of this king were here also hereditary and this inheritance began with the first chosen chief, who was the

said learned member of the learned society Akhaldan.

“At the time to which the tale I began refers, the king BEELZEBUB’S THIRD FLIGHT TO THE EARTH 213

for the beings of that second group was the grandson of his great grandson, and his name was ‘Konuzion.’

“My latest detailed investigations and researches showed that there had been actualized by that same King Konuzion exceedingly wise and most beneficent measures for uprooting a terrifying evil which had arisen among the beings who by the will of Fate had become his subjects. And he had actualized these said most wise and beneficent measures for the following reason:

“This same King Konuzion once constated that the beings of his community were becoming less and less capable of work, and that crimes, robberies, and violence and many other such things as had never occurred before were on the increase among them, or, if they had occurred, had seemed to be quite exceptional phenomena.

“These constatations surprised and at the same time grieved King Konuzion, who after thinking deeply about it, decided to find out the causes of this sorrowful phenomenon.

“After long observations he finally cleared up for himself that the cause of the phenomenon was a new habit of the beings of his community, namely, their habit of chewing the seed of a plant then called ‘Gulgulian.’ This sur-

planetary formation also arises on the planet Earth at the present time, and those of your favorites who consider themselves ‘educated’ call it ‘Papaveroon,’ but the ordinary beings simply call it the ‘poppy.’

“Here it must without fail be noticed that the beings of Maralpleicie then only had a passion for chewing those seeds of the mentioned surplanetary formation which had without fail to be gathered at the time of what is called

’ ripeness.’

“In the course of his further close observations and impartial investigations King Konuzion clearly understood diat these seeds contained a ‘something’ that could completely


change, for the time being, all the established habits of the psyche of those beings who introduced this something into themselves, with the result that they saw, understood, felt, sensed, and acted quite otherwise than they were previously accustomed to see, sense, act, and so on.

“For instance, a crow would appear to them to be a peacock; a trough of water, a sea; a harsh clatter, music; good will, enmity; insults, love; and so on and so forth.

“When King Konuzion became clearly convinced of all this, he immediately dispatched everywhere trusted and faithful subjects of his strictly to command in his name all beings of his community to cease chewing the seeds of

the mentioned plant; he also arranged for the punishment and fine of those beings who should disobey this order.

“Thanks to these measures of his, the chewing of the said seeds seemed to diminish in the country of Maralpleicie; but after a very short time it was discovered that the number of those who chewed had only seemingly diminished; in reality, they were even more than before.

“Having understood this, the wise King Konuzion thereupon resolved to punish still more severely those who should continue chewing; and at the same time he strengthened the surveillance of his subjects and also the strictness of the enforcement of the punishment of the guilty.

“And he himself began going about everywhere in the city of Gob, personally examining the guilty and impressing them by various punishments, physical and moral.

“In spite of all this, however, the desired result was not obtained, as the number of those who chewed increased more and more in the city of Gob itself, and corresponding reports from other places in the territories subject to him also increased daily.


“It then became clear that the number of those who chewed had increased still more because many of the threebrained beings who had never previously chewed now began chewing merely out of what is called

‘curiosity,’ which is one of the peculiarities of the psyche of the threebrained beings of that planet which has taken your fancy, that is to say, curiosity to find out what effect those seeds had, the chewing of which was prohibited and punished by the king with such insistence and relentless severity.

“I must emphasize here, that though the said particularity of their psyche began to be crystallized in your favorites immediately after the loss of Atlantis, yet in none of the beings of former epochs did it function so blatantly as it does now in the contemporary three-brained beings there; they have more of it perhaps, than there are hairs ona‘Toosook.’

“So,my boy ...

“When the wise King Konuzion finally became quite convinced that it was not possible by the described measures to extirpate the passion for chewing the seeds of Gulgulian, and saw that the only result of his measures was the death of several who were punished, he abrogated all the measures he had previously taken and again began to think seriously about a search for some other real means for destroying this evil, lamentable for his community.

“As I learned much later—owing to a very ancient surviving monument—the great King Konuzion then returned to his chamber and for eighteen days neither ate nor drank but only very seriously thought and thought.

“It must in any case be noticed here, that those latest researches of mine showed that King Konuzion was then particularly anxious to find a means of uprooting this evil, because all the affairs of his community were going from bad to worse.


“The beings who were addicted to this passion almost ceased to work; the flow of what is called money into the communal treasury entirely ceased and the ultimate ruin of the community seemed to be inevitable.

“Finally the wise king decided to deal with this evil indirectly, namely, by playing on the weaknesses in the psyche of the beings of his community. With this aim he invented a very original ‘religious doctrine’ corresponding to the psyche of the beings of that time; and this invention of his he spread broadcast among all his subjects by every means at his disposal.

“In this religious doctrine it was said, among other things, that far from our continent Ashhark was a larger island where existed our ‘Mister God.’

“I must tell you that in those days not one of the ordinary beings knew that, besides their planet Earth, other cosmic concentrations existed.

“The beings of the planet Earth of those days were even certain that the scarcely visible ‘white-points’ far away in space were nothing more than the pattern on the Veil’ of

the ‘world,’ that is to say, just of their planet; as, in their notions then, the ‘whole-world’ consisted, as I have said, of their planet alone.

“They were also convinced that this veil was supported like a canopy on special pillars, the ends of which rested on their planet.

“In that ingeniously original ‘religious doctrine’ of the wise King Konuzion it was said that Mister God had intentionally attached to our souls the organs and limbs we now have to protect us against our environment, and to enable us efficiently and profitably to serve both himself personally and the ‘souls’ already taken to that island of His.

“And when we die and our soul is liberated from all these specially attached organs and limbs, it becomes


what it should really be, and is then immediately taken just to this island of His, where our Mister God, in accordance with how our soul with its added parts has existed here on our continent Ashhark, assigns to it an appropriate place for its further existence.

“If the soul has fulfilled its duties honestly and conscientiously, Mister God leaves it, for its further existence, on His island; but the soul that here on the continent Ashhark has idled or discharged its duties indolently and negligently, that has in short, existed only for the gratifi-

cation of the desires of the parts attached to it, or finally, that has not kept His commandments—such a soul our Mister God sends for its further existence to a neighboring island of smaller size.

“Here, on the continent Ashhark, exist many ‘spirits’ attendant upon Him, who walk among us in ‘caps-ofinvisibility,’ thanks to which they can constantly watch us unnoticed and either inform our Mister God of all our doings or report them to Him on the ‘Day-of-Judgment.’

“We cannot in any way conceal from them, either any of our doings, or any of our thoughts.

“It was still further said that just like our continent Ashhark, all the other continents and islands of the world had been created by our Mister God and now existed as I have said, only to serve Him and the deserving ‘souls’ already dwelling on His island.

“The continents and islands of the world are all places, as it were, for preparation, and storehouses for everything necessary for this island of His.

“That island on which Mister God Himself and the deserving souls exist is called ‘Paradise,’ and existence there is just ‘Roses, Roses.’

“All its rivers are of milk, their banks of honey; nobody needs to toil or work there; everything necessary for a happy, carefree, and blissful existence is there, because


everything requisite is supplied there in superabundance from our own and the other continents and islands of the world.

“This island Paradise is full of young and lovely women, of all the peoples and races of the world; and each of them belongs for the asking to the ‘soul’ that desires her.

“In certain public squares of that superb island, mountains of various articles of adornment are always kept, from the most brilliant diamonds to the deepest turquoise; and every ‘soul’ can take anything he likes, also without the least hindrance.

“In other public squares of that beatific island are piled huge mountains of sweetmeats specially prepared with essence of ‘poppy’ and ‘hemp’; and every ‘soul’ may take as much as he pleases at any time of the day or night.

“There are no diseases there; and of course, none of those ‘lice’ or ‘flies’ that give us all no peace here, and blight our whole existence.

“The other, smaller island, to which our Mister God sends for their further existence the ‘souls’ whose temporary physical parts have been idle here and have not existed according to His commandments, is called ‘Hell.’

“All the rivers of this island are of burning pitch; the whole air stinks like a skunk at bay. Swarms of horrible beings blow police-whistles in every square; and all the ’furniture,’ ‘carpets,’ ‘beds,’ and so on there, are made of

fine needles with their points sticking out.

“One very salted cake is given once a day to every ‘soul’ on this island; and there is not a single drop of drinking water there. Many other things are also there of a kind that the beings of Earth not only would not like to encounter, but not even experience in thought.

“When I first came to the country of Maralpleicie, all the three-brained beings of that country were followers of a ‘religion’ based on the just-mentioned ingenious


‘religious-doctrine,’ and this ‘religion’ was then in full bloom.

“To the inventor himself of this ingenious ‘religiousdoctrine,’ namely, the wise King Konuzion, the sacred ’Rascooarno’ had occurred long before this time, that is to say, he had long previously ‘died.’

“But of course owing once again to the strangeness of the psyche of your favorites, his invention had taken such a strong hold there that not a single being in the whole country of Maralpleicie then doubted the truth of its peculiar tenets.

“Here also in the city Gob, from the first day of my arrival, I began visiting the ‘Kaltaani,’ which were already called ‘Chaihana.’

“It must be noticed that although the custom of Sacri-

ficial-Offerings was also flourishing at that period in the country of Maralpleicie, it was not on the large scale on which it had flourished in the country Tikliamish.

“There in the city Gob I began deliberately looking for a corresponding being, in order to make friends with him, as I had in the city Koorkalai.

“And indeed I soon found such a friend here also, but this time he was not a ‘priest’ by profession.

“My friend here turned out to be the proprietor of a large Chaihana; and although I became, as it is said there, on very good terms with him, nevertheless I never had that strange ‘tie’ with him which arose in my essence towards the priest Abdil in the city Koorkalai.

“Although I had already existed a whole month in the city Gob, I had neither decided upon nor undertaken anything practical for my aim. I simply wandered about the city Gob, visiting first the various Chaihana, and only later the Chaihana of my new friend there.

“During this time I became familiar with many of the manners and customs of this second group and also with


the fine points of their religion; and at the end of the month I decided to attain my aim here also, through their religion.

“After serious pondering I found it necessary to add

something to the ‘religious-doctrine’ existing there, and I counted on being able, like the wise King Konuzion, to spread this addition of mine effectively among them.

“Just then I invented that those spirits in ‘caps-ofinvisibility’ who, as it was said in that great religion, watch our deeds and thoughts in order to report them later to our Mister God, are none other than just the beings of other forms, which exist among us.

“It is just they who watch us and report everything to our Mister God.

“But we people not only fail to pay them their due honor and respect, but we even destroy their existences for our food as well as for our Sacrificial-Offerings.

“I particularly emphasized in my preaching that not only ought we not to destroy the existence of the beings of other forms in honor of Mister God, but that, on the contrary, we ought to try to win their favor and to beseech them at least not to report to Mister God those little evil acts of ours which we do involuntarily.

“And this addition of mine I began to spread by every possible means; of course, very cautiously.

“At first, I spread this invention of mine through my new friend there, the proprietor of the Chaihana.

“I must tell you that his Chaihana was almost the largest in the whole city Gob; and it was very famous for its

reddish liquid, of which the beings of the planet Earth are very fond.

“So there were always a great many customers there, and it was open day and night.

“Not only did the inhabitants of the city itself go there, but also all the visitors from the whole of Maralpleicie.


“I soon became quite expert in talking with and persuading individual customers as well as all those present in the Chaihana.

“My new friend himself, the proprietor of the Chaihana, believed my invention so firmly that he didn’t know what to do with himself, for repentance for his past.

“He was in constant agitation and bitterly repented his previous disrespectful attitude and his treatment of the various beings of other forms.

“Becoming day by day a more ardent preacher of my invention, he thereby not only helped to spread it in his own Chaihana, but he even began of his own accord to visit other Chaihana in the city Gob, in order to spread the truth which had so agitated him.

“He preached in the market places, and several times made special visits to the holy places, of which there were then already many in the outskirts of the city Gob, and which had been established in honor or in memory of

somebody or something.

“It is very interesting to remark here that the information that serves on the planet Earth for the rise of a holy place is usually due to certain Earth beings called ‘Liars.’

“This disease of ‘lying’ is also very widespread there.

“On the planet Earth people lie consciously and unconsciously.

“And they consciously lie there when they can obtain some personal material advantage by lying; and they unconsciously lie there when they fall ill with the disease called ‘Hysteria.’

“In addition to the proprietor of the Chaihana there in the city Gob, a number of other beings very soon began unconsciously to assist me, who, like the proprietor of the Chaihana, had meanwhile become ardent supporters of my invention; and all the beings of that second group of Asiatic beings were soon eagerly spreading this invention


of mine and persuading each other of it as an indubitable ’truth’ that had suddenly been revealed.

“The result of it all was that there in the country of Maralpleicie, not only were Sacrificial-Offerings indeed diminished, but they even began to treat the beings of other forms with unprecedented attention.

“Such comical farces very soon began there that though I

myself was the author of the invention, I nevertheless found it very difficult to refrain from laughter.

“Such comical farces occurred as, for instance, the following: a highly respectable and wealthy merchant of the city Gob would be riding in the morning on his donkey to his own shop and on the way a motley crowd of beings would drag this respectable merchant off his donkey and thoroughly maul him because he had dared to ride on it; and then the crowd, bowing low, would escort the donkey on which the merchant had been riding, wherever it chose to go.

“Or, what is called a ‘woodcutter’ would be hauling wood to market with his own oxen from the forest to the town.

“A mob of citizens would drag him also off his cart and after mauling him, very gently unyoke the oxen and escort them wherever they wished to go.

“And if the cart were seen in a part of the city where it might hold up the traffic, the mob of citizens would themselves drag the cart to the market and leave it there to its fate.

“Thanks to this invention of mine, various quite new customs were very soon created in the city Gob.

“As, for instance, the custom was established there of placing troughs in all the squares, public places, and at the crossroads of the town, where residents of the city

Gob could in the morning throw their choicest morsels of food for dogs and other stray beings of various forms; and


at sunrise, throw into the Sea of Beneficence every kind of food for the beings called ‘fishes.’

“But the most peculiar of all was the custom of paying attention to the voices of beings of various forms.

“As soon as they heard the voice of a being of any form, they immediately began to praise the names of their gods and to await their blessing.

“It might be the crowing of a cock, the barking of a dog, the mewing of a cat, the squealing of an ape, or so on. ... It would always startle them.

“Here it is interesting to notice that for some reason or other they would always on these occasions raise their heads and look upwards, even though, according to the teaching of their religion, their god and his assistants were supposed to exist on the same level as themselves, and not where they directed their eyes and prayers.

“It was extremely interesting at these moments to watch their faces.”

“Pardon me, your Right Reverence,” interrupted at that moment Beelzebub’s old devoted servant Ahoon, who had also been listening with great interest to his tales.

“Do you remember, your Right Reverence, how many times in that same city Gob we ourselves had to flop down in the streets during the cries of beings of different forms?”

To this remark, Beelzebub said:

“Certainly I remember, dear Ahoon. How could I forget such comical impressions?

“You must know,” he then continued, turning to Hassein again, “that the beings of the planet Earth are inconceivably proud and touchy. If someone does not share their views or agree to do as they do, or criticizes their manifestations, they are, oh, very indignant and offended.

“If one had the power, he would order whoever dared not to do as he did, or who criticized his conduct, to be


shut up in the kind of room which is usually infested by innumerable what are called ‘rats’ and ‘lice.’

“And at times, if the offended one had greater physical strength, and an important power-possessing being with whom he was not on very good terms was not watching him, he would simply maul the offender as the Russian Sidor once mauled his favorite goat.

“Very well knowing this aspect also of their strange psyche, I had no desire to offend them and to incur their wrath; furthermore, I was always profoundly aware that

to outrage anybody’s religious feeling is contrary to all morality, so, when existing among them, I always tried to do as they did, in order not to be conspicuous and attract their attention.

“Here it does no harm to notice that owing to the existing abnormal conditions of ordinary existence there among your favorites, the three-brained beings of that strange planet Earth, especially during recent centuries, only those beings who manifest themselves, not as the majority of them do, but somehow or other, more absurdly, become noticed and consequently honored by the rest; and the more absurd their manifestations and the more stupid, mean, and insolent the ‘tricks’ they play, the more noticed and famous they become, and the greater is the number of the beings on the given continent and even on other continents who know them personally or at least by name.

“On the other hand, no honest being who does not manifest himself absurdly will ever become famous among other beings or even be simply noticed, however goodnatured and sensible he may be in himself.

“And so, my boy, what our Ahoon so mischievously reminded me about concerned just that custom, which developed there in the city Gob, of attaching significance to the voices of beings of various forms and particularly to the voice of what are called ‘donkeys,’ of which there


were then, for some reason or other, a great many in the city Gob.

“The beings of all other forms of that planet also manifest themselves by voice, but at a definite time. For instance, the cock cries at midnight, an ape in the morning when it is hungry, and so on, but donkeys there bray whenever it enters their heads to do so, and in consequence you may hear the voice of that silly being there at any time of the day or night.

“So, my boy, it was established there in the city Gob that as soon as the sound of the voice of the donkey was heard, all who heard it had to flop down immediately and offer up prayers to their god and to their revered idols and, I must add, these donkeys usually have a very loud voice by nature and their voices carry a long way.

“Well, then, as we walked along the streets of the city Gob and saw the citizens flopping down at the braying of every donkey, we had to flop down likewise so as not to be distinguished from the others; and it was just this comical custom, I see now, that tickled our old Ahoon so much.

“You noticed, my dear Hassein, with what venomous satisfaction our old man reminded me, after so many centuries, of that comical situation of mine.”

Having said this, Beelzebub, smiling, went on with the tale he had begun.

“It is needless to say,” he continued, “that there also, in this second center of culture of the three-brained beings of your planet, breeding there on the continent of Ashhark, the destruction of beings of other forms for Sacrificial-Offerings entirely ceased; and, if isolated instances occurred, the beings of that group themselves settled accounts with the offenders without compunction.

“Having thus become convinced that there also, among that second group of beings of the continent Ashhark, I


had succeeded so easily in uprooting, for a long time, the custom of Sacrificial-Offerings, I decided to leave; but I had it in mind, in any event, to visit also the nearest large points where the beings of the same second group were breeding; and I chose for this purpose the region of the course of the river ‘Naria-Chi.’

“Soon after this decision, I sailed with Ahoon to the mouth of this river, and began to sail up against its current, having become persuaded that there had already passed from the beings of the city Gob to the beings of this group populating these large centers the same new customs and the same notions concerning SacrificialOfferings by the destruction of the existence of other beings.

“We finally arrived at a small town called ‘Arguenia,’ which in those days was considered the most remote point of the country Maralpleicie.

“Here also there existed a fair number of beings of this second Asiatic group who were engaged chiefly in obtaining from Nature what is called ‘turquoise.’

“There in the small town of Arguenia I began, as usual, to visit their various Chaihana, and there also I continued my usual procedure.”



The First Visit of Beelzebub to India

Beelzebub continued to speak as follows:

“Sitting in a Chaihana in this small town of Arguenia, I once overheard a conversation among several beings seated not far from me.

“They were talking and deciding when and how they should go by caravan to Pearl-land.

“Having listened to their conversation, I gathered that they intended to go there for the purpose of exchanging their ‘turquoises’ for what are called ‘pearls.’

“I must here, by the way, draw your attention also to the fact that your favorites of former as well as of contemporary epochs liked and still like to wear pearls and also the said turquoise, as well as many other what are called ’precious-trinkets’ for the purpose, as they say, of ‘adorning’ their exteriors. But if you would like to know my

opinion, they do so, of course instinctively, in order to offset, so to say, the ‘value-of-their-innerinsignificance.’

“At that period to which my present tale refers, the said pearls were very rare among the beings of the second Asiatic group and commanded a high price among them. But in the country Pearl-land there was at the same time a great number of these pearls, and there, on the contrary, they were very cheap, because pearls at that time were exclusively obtained only from the waterspaces surrounding that country.

“The mentioned conversation of the beings who sat near me in the Chaihana in the small town Arguenia then immediately interested me, because at that time I already had the intention of going to that same Pearl-land where the three-brained beings of the continent Ashhark of the third group bred.


“And the conversation I then heard at once evoked in my mentation an association to the effect that it might be better to go to the country Pearl-land directly from here with this large caravan of these beings, rather than return the same way to the Sea of Beneficence, and from there, by means of the same ship Occasion, to reach this country.

“Although this journey, which in those days was almost impossible for the beings of the Earth, would take us a

good deal of time, yet I thought that the journey back to the Sea of Beneficence with its unforeseeable contingencies would perhaps not take much less time.

“This association then arose in my mentation chiefly because I had long before heard a great deal about the rare peculiarities of those parts of the nature of that peculiar planet through which the proposed route of the caravan lay and, in consequence, what is called a ‘beinglove-ofknowledge’ which was already crystallized in me, having received a shock for functioning from all that had been overheard, immediately dictated to my common presence the need to be persuaded of everything personally, directly through my own perceptive organs.

“So, my boy, owing to what I have said, I intentionally sat with the conversing beings and joined in their deliberations.

“As a result of it all, we also were then included in the company of their caravan, and two days later we set off together with them.

“I and Ahoon then passed through indeed very unusual places, unusual even for the general nature of this peculiar planet, certain parts of which, by the way, only became so because before that period this ill-fated planet had already undergone two what are called Transapalnianperturbations, almost unprecedented in the Universe.

“From the first day we had to pass exclusively through THE FIRST VISIT OF BEELZEBUB TO INDIA 229

a region of various ‘terra-firma-projections’ of unusual forms, which had conglomerations of all kinds of

’ intraplanetary-minerals.’